


Remedy

by nite0wl29



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode Vll: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode lX: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars episode Vlll: The Last Jedi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a HEA, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Tags will be added, beginning DamRey to Reylo, everyone is a mess in this fic, everyone is bound to hate poe in this, i guess?, i will be uploading gradually until complete, looooooots of angst, this fic is already finished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 76,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nite0wl29/pseuds/nite0wl29
Summary: Six years ago, Rey Adams thought she had finally life figured out. Having broken away from her past, her life is irrevocably altered when she meets, a man who is the first person to treat her with kindness and respect. Six years later they're engaged to be married. That is until a week before their nuptials a tragic accident once more changes Rey's life in ways she never expected. How does one pick up the pieces when the one person you thought you'd spend forever with is gone and not coming back? How does one deal with the pain especially in light of uncovered secrets that reveal you didn't really know that loved one at all? Amidst the wreckage her grief over the death of her fiancé and the secrets he left behind Rey begins to find herself and begins falling for the one person she never expected - her lost love's childhood best friend - Ben Solo.A Reylo Catch & Release AU
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 24
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Reylo fam. <3 Long time no see!
> 
> I took this story down in hopes of rewriting it for another fandom a couple months ago, but I changed my mind. It just didn't work out and to be quite honest, I'm tired of writing long fics. After everything that's happened this crazy year I figured it was best I give this fic back to you guys instead of hoarding it away in my docs without ever seeing the light of day in this new fandom. So I'll be uploading a couple of chapters per week till it's complete.
> 
> I want to thank drnucleus for betaing this fic back in the day. Thank you for kicking my arse into writing. <3 I may no longer be in the Star Wars fandom, but feel free to stop by and say HI on [Tumblr](https://nightbringer.tumblr.com).

Every morning had come down to the same routine since Rey Adams came to Boulder, Colorado, nearly 2 months ago. It was so repetitive to the point where she could map out the entire day without having to account for the unexpected. From behind the walls of her one-bedroom, 300 square foot apartment, Rey could hear the early morning hours of the constant ebb and flow of traffic.

The sounds of impatient drivers, honking their car horns easily reverberated through the thin walls of her bedroom as if the infuriating sound would give the cars jammed along the street the initiative to move the few extra car lengths down the road.

One would’ve guessed as much as these drivers traveled their tireless commute to their individual professions that it was blatantly obvious the rush hour traffic was always the same: between the morning hours of seven-thirty and nine o’clock there was always a guaranteed blockade of traffic down the main stretch of downtown Boulder.

Despite the irritating sounds of honking horns and the occasional raucous sounds of neighbors, slamming their doors perhaps with a little extra force than needed, and the forlorn essence of seclusion it was all a reassuring reminder that she was away from London. Rey left every rotten memory of the place behind that she considered a hopeless life beyond salvaging, having endured many years of sleepless nights after being placed into the custody of her abusive Uncle Plutt.

The only memory worth recalling within that decade of misery was the hours spent locked in her room of their flat with only the company of her art easel, displaying a blank canvas and holding the paint palette within her grasp, consisting of the various colors of oil paints and a paintbrush in the other hand.

There was a rare moment in which Rey initially discovered her calling to happiness within the early years of living with her uncle. Purposely, she had been trailing behind the blubbery blob that could pass for a man through downtown London.

She scowled in disgust at the fact that Plutt remained nonplussed that his pants were significantly too small to cover his noticeable plumber’s crack when she discovered a painter - an elderly man with puffy brown hair and subtle highlighted patches of grey to further enhance his age, sitting by the local corner market with only the company of his easel and paint set.

Rey paused her stride, hindering her from following her uncle as she carefully watched how the man tuned out the world around him with a noticeable impassive expression on his face whilst remaining entirely focused on the blank canvas in front of him. Wordlessly, Rey perceived every stroke the man-made with his brush: how he purposely took extra paint than what should’ve been necessary onto the brush and jabbed, forcefully into the canvas to set up the basis of the scenery and from there on out. She noticed how extra careful he was while taking on the lighter colors, carefully the man grazed the brush over the darker hues of shadow to enhance the highlights of where the light was subtly targeting each object in the image.

She couldn’t recall for how long she spent staring at the exquisite piece of work that was of the surrounding buildings in the neighborhood coming to life on the canvas, but it had only been long enough to further pique her interest in pursuing the art.

Annoyed, Plutt had gripped her by the crook of her arm, realizing further down the street Rey wasn’t behind him where she’d once been and forcefully pulled her away. She never got the chance to ask the artist any questions, regarding the skill. Surprisingly, it didn’t take much convincing for Plutt to purchase Rey a set of paints of her own, thinking it would be well worth the investment so long as it kept her out of his hair, or what little there was left on the shininess of his significantly bald head.

Rey was pleased to see that she’d apparently had a natural knack for the newfound ability as she spent secluded hours painting her own images of landscaping, whether it was a simple portrait of a flower or images within her imagination.

Her personal favorite had been of an island: surrounded by blue waves of the roaring ocean with hues of pinks and oranges above the horizon enabled by the sunset. By doing so it only served as a reminder that there was beauty everywhere if one could simply look hard enough to find it – even if it was only a simple milkweed that was attempting to break through the crack along a sidewalk.

When the day came to leave Plutt’s clutches the thought of leaving her works of art behind had been painful, knowing full well that the chances of him heaving into the dumpster behind the shithole of a shack he lived in were relatively high. Unfortunately, it was the price she had to pay when it came down to making the ultimate decision of bettering her future.

Other than the clothes on her back with only the worn-out knapsack clinging to her shoulders containing the few necessities in clothing, her passport, a small drawing tablet, a few No. #2 pencils and her favorite set of oil paints she took the small sum of her parents’ heritage and hailed a cab to Heathrow. Everything past the taxi’s interior was no longer important; no longer worth taking up the mental space within the back of her mind it made the internal voice telling her to look back easier to ignore.

The next daunting task she had to consider upon her arrival at the airport was the decision that forever changed the course of her future: where was she going to go?

Surprisingly, the decision ended up being easier than she thought as she stared wide-eyed, chewing her bottom lip in thought whilst perceiving the overwhelming dozens of monitor screens hanging throughout the airport’s hectic registration center, ignoring the irritated groans of hurrying passengers that had to step just a few quick strides out of their path around her.

Rey glanced down at the small lighted screen on her phone, narrowing her eyes at the digital numbers that stared back at her in which read 7:45 A.M. She smiled at no one in particular as the final sense of resolve flashed before her eyes, affirming the choice of where she was heading to. For reasons unknown she settled on purchasing a ticket to the first destination that was the closest to boarding on that early spring morning:

**Boulder, Colorado**

**9:00 A.M. Departure: On-time**

She had no correlation of family there. No friends or vital obligations tying her to that location; however, discovering a new place on her own and at her leisure made the new defining chapter to her life all the more exciting. Nerves regarding the notion that she was boarding her first British 747-Airliner, momentarily replaced the thoughts of what her overall plan was once she got to Boulder.

Just as fast as her anxiety ascended Rey abruptly swallowed it down as the plane began to quickly climb higher into the Earth’s stratosphere, saying goodbye to the Hell that was once her life in England for the last decade and welcomed what waited in her newly proclaimed home – even if she did end up taking residence in one of the cheapest apartment complexes on the block located within the more prominent run-down sector of the city.

From the usual fetal position on her side that Rey normally slept she rolled onto her stomach, burying her face into the down-filled pillow she groaned in frustration, muttering incoherent obscenities at the drivers that withstood no chance of ever hearing her.

Reluctantly, Rey relinquished her sleep as she opened her eyes to acknowledge the particles of sunlight piercing their way through the drawn blinds of her window, declaring her attention that it was officially time to start the day. She yawned deeply, recognizing the lingering amount of sleep within her body before heaving the shielding warmth of the comforter away from her figure, and lazily swinging her legs over the edge of the significantly small twin-sized bed.

A shudder rapidly coursed through her body, alerting her of its protest as her bare feet came in contact with the coldness of the hardwood flooring beneath her. She allotted herself a moment or two for her body to warm up at the abrupt contact of the cool air conditioning against her bare arms and legs, having been uncovered due to her sleep shorts and t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As per usual, eventually forcing herself from the comfort of her bed Rey greeted the day as her hand reached up to pull the cord to draw open the blinds, allowing the warmth of the sunlight to brighten up the darkness lingering within the room and to reveal the mountainous landscaping far off in the distance, easily perceived from the top floor of her apartment’s building. She gawked at the stunning scenery, allowing a smile to cross over her face as it was always more than capable of rendering her breathless with its natural beauty.

Out of sheer habit she proceeded to check the primordial flip phone lying on top of the small nightstand next to her bed. A small glass of daisies she’d plucked from one of the flower beds at a nearby outdoor shopping plaza occupied the empty space next to the device. She acknowledged the blank screen, having no messages with a frown; as if she wholly expected a call or text from someone to share the early hours with, or any remaining parts of the day for that matter.

After all she had made the decision to come here – alone. The thought of being free from the amiable memoirs of her past had appeared far less daunting, until she formally parted from the familiarity of everything she’d ever known.

On second thought, being alone wasn’t necessarily anything new to her. She’d spent her entire childhood living invisible, surely it wasn’t about to change now as society was too engrossed with their noses taped to the smart phone in hand to pay any attention to the world outside the electronic device. Nowadays, it was comically possible to consider going nude into public with the chance of hardly anyone noticing, or to even appreciate the beauty their city had to offer.

One of the public spots Rey began to favor was an outdoor shopping mall just two miles down the road from her apartment: a stretch of small businesses, ranging from gourmet cafes to boutiques just off Pearl Street. A brick-paved road ascended through the boulevard with garden beds of tulips now in full bloom. Some of beds had petunias with a single tree to provide extra shade along the aisle of restaurants, having small iron-fenced enclosures with small tables and umbrellas to allow their customers to comfortably sit and enjoy the fresh air of the outdoors. The old-fashioned light poles brandishing lanterns provided just the right amount of lighting to illuminate the pathways at night.

One of her favorite shops was the small art studio next to Armitage’s Bait & Tackle. The studio itself was considerably small; merely the size of her apartment with a rather charming interior and, conveniently, it offered just about every color in paint and brush size that she would ever need. 

Where she had intended to scout the area for employment opportunities, considering the inheritance from her parents wouldn’t last forever Rey most often hindered from the mission to take up temporary residence on one of the wooden benches under a tree for hours on end after visiting the shop, purposely with a sketch pad in hand to draw the rather inspiring scenery from different views, harboring the intention to paint what she saw at a later date. 

Speaking of…

While briefly reminiscing, it only served as a reminder that she needed to pick up some extra bottles of select oil paints, specifically, the variable hues of blues and greens for the current project she intended to work on in order to brighten the dullness of the white walls in her apartment.

There may have been the intended thought of avoiding the local Wal-Mart, especially since there was only the milk and eggs in her fridge that were already a week past their expiration date. What was one more day of avoiding grocery shopping?

Deciding to pass on her usual morning shower and foregoing on the make-up Rey quickly threw on a pair of cut-off jean shorts, laying haphazardly amidst the other piles of laundry that had yet to be put away. She pulled on a shabby grey hoodie with the front pocket nearly completely torn from the garment, remaining indifferent to the various colors of paint she’d accidently splattered across the front with her favorite pair of red Converse shoes, and threw her hair up into the usual style of three buns.

If anyone willingly took the time to look at her that day they would’ve undoubtedly, considered her to be a bum from the streets. It had become her source of armor to remain hidden from unwarranted attention. At least that was what she thought initially, as she reached for the satchel hanging from her bedroom doorknob before it became clear that the day was withholding other plans for her outing.

**

“Is this seat taken?”

While sitting cross-legged from her spot on the usual wooden bench of the outdoor pedestrian mall, Rey glanced up from the drawing pad in her lap, acknowledging the source of the voice. It suddenly occurred to her that if only she had been mentally prepared to consider the handsome face of the man, staring back at her.

His expression was gentle, kind, looking no more than possibly a few years older than she was. His dark brown eyes were hidden under dramatically, unkempt eyebrows. His rumpled black hair further consisted of short, tousled curls. While he was undoubtedly, attractive it was the genuine smile beaming through his subtle four o’clock shadow that rendered her internally, into an emotional frenzy.

God dammit – of course he had to be fucking hot!

Of all days for someone to acknowledge her presence he had to pick this day in which she decided to forego showering or applying any sort of make-up for that matter in which she normally went for a more natural appearance. Humorously, she inaudibly snorted at the fact that she had at least made the attempt to brush her teeth earlier on. At least she didn’t appear to be all horrid in that essence.

For a brief moment the thought crossed Rey’s mind that there was someone else behind her that he could’ve been conversing with. To confirm her suspicion Rey noticeably turned her head to glance around their general vicinity, but only discovered that there were no other visible signs of human life – only the typical sounds of early birds chirping far off in the background.

Her brain finally caught up to acknowledge the coherent fact that the man was still standing before her, patiently, waiting with his hands tucked in the pockets of his dark denim jeans for her to answer his query in regards to the bag of paints that was taking up the empty space on the bench next to her. 

“Oh! Um,” Rey started, blinking rapidly at first to mend her momentary flustered state of mind. Her cheeks blushed a subtle shade of pink as she purposely, shifted the bag of paints to the narrow space opposite of their former location. “No, it’s not.”

The man offered her a grateful smile, curtly nodding to her acceptance as he moved to take a seat next to her. A fleeting moment of an awkward silence hung in the air between them before he, thankfully, was the first to attempt breaking it.

“You must be new around here?” He inquired with genuine curiosity. His elbows rested casually on his knees, allowing her to easily perceive the subtle hints of lean muscle in his arms hidden underneath the short sleeves of his white Henley.

Not really, she considered answering at first although, judging by the way he asked it was apparent he occupied the area rather frequently. It gave her all the more initiative to wonder how long he’d known her to be here.

“Sort of.” She offered casually in response, shrugging her shoulders subtly. “I just moved here, actually, from London about a month ago.”

He quirked his brows in surprise, “London – that’s a rather significant distance to travel just to move. What in the hell made you consider Boulder?”

Rey pursed her lips in thought, debating on if she really wanted to pour out the sob story that had significantly been her life to a stranger, but her thoughts were abruptly cut-off by the man’s seemingly apologetic tone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come off as sounding so blunt.” He stated rather sheepishly, offering her an apologetic smile in assurance. “Nothing exciting ever happens in this part of the state so I was just curious.”

“Oh, no – you’re fine, actually.” Rey countered for save. And fine looking, she mentally thought. To further ease him of bearing the burden of listening to her blathering about her struggles early on in life she settled for a more vague explanation. “I guess,” her words trailed off whilst chewing her bottom lip in perception of what all she was willing to tell him. “I needed a change. My life wasn’t necessarily all rainbows and warm fuzzies, and Boulder seemed appealing enough to begin that new chapter.”

The young man smiled, perceiving her initial hesitancy he simply nodded in acquiescence without attempting to pry any further. “Well, I hope it’s okay for me to say that I hope you consider staying – I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

Rey smiled warmly, feeling more at ease that he didn’t feel the need to question for further details on the life she purposely left behind. “Rey Adams. And you are…?”

Rey. He smiled knowingly, finally able to put a name with the face he had been longing to meet since the day he saw her from behind the window of the Bait and Tackle store. For weeks he had been pestered, incessantly by his friends, Armitage Hux and Finn Cooper whom were also colleagues at the bait shop as well as roommates. Time had certainly been on his side as he had been debating to go to the diner down the street when he saw her, conveniently sitting at the bench just outside Hux’s shop.

“I’m Poe Dameron,” he stated with the smile that had already been capable of rendering butterflies in her stomach. “And it’s finally nice to meet you, Rey.”

“Finally.” She repeated with heavy enunciation, arching a brow quizzically at his admission. “So, I take it that you work around here, then?”

Poe chuckled whilst nodding at the unintended confession. “Yeah.” He stated simply, biting his lip while his eyes flickered over her face. “Not that I was purposely creeping on you or anything, but my buddy owns the Bait and Tackle store next to the art supply shop here.”

Rey simply nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed that he’d seen her dressed like this on the apparent more than one occasion. “Forgive me, but I never would have perceived you as a guy working at a bait shop.”

Poe snorted in retort. “Well, don’t always let looks deceive you, Rey. I do enjoy the sport as a hobby, but, I actually hold a financial partnership with one of my other friends to the owner. And since we’re on the topic of professions – you’re an artist I see?”

Rey offered him a toothy grin in response, allowing him to better view the quick scribble of the prominent architecture within the area. “Well, not professionally, I suppose. I haven’t been able to find a job yet, but for now it’s a hobby that helps surpass the time.”

“It’s very impressive, honestly.” He stated, cocking his head to the side as he considered the notable depiction of the surrounding area. “And actually, you may be interested in knowing that the owner mentioned the other day that he was planning on opening a position for full-time hire.”

Rey eyed him skeptically, but it was hard to hide the subtle glimmer of excitement within her eyes at the thought of working around art rather than it simply being a hobby only. Before she could answer him the embarrassingly, loud rumble of her stomach growling interrupted her thought.

Poe chuckled lightly, following him stating the apparent observation. “Are you hungry? Believe it or not, I was actually on my way to the diner just down the road before I got sidetracked.”

A subtle blush crept across Rey’s cheeks, initially forgetting the fact that she was clearly not entirely presentable to consider going on a – date? The term may have been a bit loose to use at this point, but the thought did seem rather nice to contemplate. She smiled happily, accepting his offer without further hesitation.

Throughout the duration of their breakfast Rey was able to engage further into questioning Poe; unashamed and eager to learn more about the man that had been the first person to ever approach her since her arrival to Boulder.

Aside from his incredibly, good-looking appearance there were the less apparent facts that still remained mysteries to regard. For instance, Poe was also a remarkable pilot who occasionally, flew for his father’s privately owned commercial flight commerce just outside of Boulder.

He also enjoyed the entertainment of fly fishing with said partners at the bait shop, which had only been enough to pick her interest and accepting his offer to cater along at the next opportunity. While he had been more than happy to indulge her with information as she questioned at her leisure Rey remained undeterred from expressing the melancholy that was only her past. For once in her life it was easier to forget where she came from and simply be happy as that single date led to another, and another from there on out.

**

**Six years later…**

If there was one lesson in life that Rey had learned to desperately cling to throughout her adventure into adulthood it was, undoubtedly, that patience was a virtue. At the age of twenty-four it had become a lifeline earned through the assorted acts of tribulation that life continuously threw her way.

After having endured the arduous steps to claim her citizenship within the United States one would have guessed that she was ready to take on the world after having obtained that piece of paper with a stamp to further prove her citizenship.

She had learned that patience was essential in customer service when it came to the endless hours she’d spent at the art studio in the outdoor pedestrian mall; which she happily accepted the honor of having partial ownership of the business. There was no greater feeling than turning the hobby that became a defining part of her life into a career that she so ardently loved.

What she severely lacked when it came down to the act of so-called ‘patience’ was something that life hadn’t properly prepared her for: men, whom begrudgingly made up approximately forty-nine percent of the world’s population.

It was approximately two years into their relationship that there was a dramatic increase in demand of private commercial flights. For the most part he was forced to cater to the clients residing within Los Angeles; which, unfortunately, had resulted into him having to stay a few nights for layovers.

Now, adding in the task of finish planning a wedding - that was fast approaching and every detail need to be polished and planned it made it all that much harder to do so when her fiancé was essentially missing fifty percent of the time had begun to drastically render a toll over her nerves.

The days had fallen few in between since she had been able to focus wholly on her art whilst tending to the business aspect of it, and essentially having to make a majority of the decisions for what was to be the happiest day of her life – of their life.

Aside from the fact that she merely spent every waking moment, wading elbows deep in wedding plans what she missed the most was having him there with her. It was within those moments where she woke in the occasional mornings, acknowledging the empty space next to her in their bed that she’d taken him being there for granted. Hell, it felt more like ages since the last time they’d had sex, but that may have been a bit of a dramatic exaggeration.

One of the first steps they took after becoming engaged was choosing their first home together – a charming Cape Cod style bungalow on the other side of town. Officially, Poe had made the first down payment on the house and was now move-in ready the following week after their honeymoon. After he proposed the idea of her moving in with him at his residence with Hux and Finn, Rey willfully put all of her belongings into storage, including her art supplies that had been neglected after the prolonged months of planning the wedding.

There was no doubt in the back of her mind that having the extra company helped to further ease the ache of Poe’s absence, but for just once it would’ve been nice to enjoy a full two days together before he was abruptly whisked away to tend to another call.

After trading in her dinosaur age flip phone to meddle in the advantages of owning an iPhone, it helped having those brief moments of FaceTime with him while he was away, but it was obviously different looking at someone on a screen versus being able to touch them in person.

Luckily, she was about to have him home longer than usual for a few days and planned to meet him for lunch at the diner just down the road from the studio with the remnants of wedding papers or rather precisely the seating arrangement in hopes of going over them with him. While in the booth waiting for his arrival, Rey sat with her elbow planted into the table top’s hard surface, resting her cheek against her fist whilst twirling the three carat French cut pave diamond ring on her finger. Her eyes flickered over the empty spaces of the seating chart, debating wordlessly over who was going to be sitting where.

While scrutinizing the daunting blank papers in front of her Rey’s attention abruptly shifted to acknowledge the welcoming touch of a hand against the cool, silk fabric of her blouse. She smiled as Poe abruptly leaned down, greeting her lips with the softness of his. “Hello beautiful.”

“I missed you.” Rey stated softly as he slid into the cushioned seat of the booth across from her. “How was your flight this morning?”

Poe snorted, “Not bad - same shit, but at a different altitude.”

Rey scoffed at his brash retort, pursing her lips in thought as she deliberated over her next words. “So, I suppose it’s a bad time to suggest going over the seating arrangement with you then?” Her suspicion was quickly confirmed as Poe acknowledged her query with a fleeting moment of silence. Rey clenched her jaw as she closed her eyes and sighed heavily. “You’re leaving again.”

“Rey, I promise it’s only going to be a quick trip to LA, and back. And I may have agreed to pick Ben up on the way home.”

Rey frowned at the evident hint of exhaustion within his voice whilst scowling at the last words of his statement.

Ben Solo, Poe’s lifelong friend since childhood and a well-known photographer for issues of Sports Illustrated. Occasionally, Poe and Ben would reunite while he had been on one of many trips to Los Angeles. Throughout the years she’d known Poe she had never met the man in questioning; nor did she particularly care to as every time he was around Ben he’d call her in some ridiculous frame of mind or at one of Ben’s parties amongst the famed models, stupidly drunk and beyond legit coherence. It was a wonder Poe had managed to dial the correct contact in his phone.

Rey sighed heavily whilst groaning in frustration. Defeated, she nodded her understanding. “Fine, but no more nookie for you until you decide where your father’s golfing buddies are sitting.”

While it was more than apparent that the Dameron family was well off, financially, the notion of having her future in-laws needing yet another reason to further enhance their distaste for her was less than appeasing to consider at the moment. There had been more than one occasion in the past of which Shara had cynically expressed her dislike towards Rey’s more humble upbringing in life.

Thankfully, Poe always remained unabated from his parents’ insensitive remarks in regards to Rey. There were moments at the beginning of their relationship in which she always attempted to decline any sort of gift he attempted to give her. But Poe was insistent, tenacious and always managed to get his way when it came to spoiling her whenever he could. Regardless, of the numerous items in which he tried to give her there was nothing that remotely fulfilled her heart than just simply having a moment or two alone with him.

Poe chuckled with a curt nod. “Tomorrow – I swear to God tomorrow you will have my undivided attention, and in more ways than one.”

Rey blushed at the evocativeness behind his words. All the while throughout their shared lunch she couldn’t shake the formidable feeling, brewing within the pit of her stomach. Her intuition told her – no, begged for her to push harder to hinder him from leaving. But it was going to take more than that of a simple hunch to convince Poe not to leave: no matter how strong her instincts were.

To further prove her aversion Rey snubbed him as he attempted to kiss her before leaving once more, marveling in the fact that it was surely enough to enhance how much she hated him constantly being on the go. As Rey turned to leave the opposite direction as him down the sidewalk, a fleeting moment of guilt rushed over her, prompting the tiny voice at the back of her mind to scream, urging her to chase him down and kiss him before he was gone. However, she was as equally stubborn as she was ridiculously in love with him.

For the remaining hours of the day Rey spent her time at the studio, perceiving the digital numbers on her phone’s screen that seemingly passed at their leisure. The hours passed by at that of a snail’s pace in mid-winter, waiting for that phone call after his arrival to his destination. Rey cursed herself for the one time she’d forgotten her charger, having drained the battery from the excessive times she’d pressed the button at the bottom of her screen.

Just as she was readying to lock the studio up for the evening Rey flinched in alarm at the abrupt rapping at the window of the shop’s door. She rolled her eyes, acknowledging Hux’s rigidly pale face through the glass he wasted no time in berating her the moment the door opened.

“I’ve been trying to fucking call you all evening, Rey! Why in the hell is your phone off?”

Rey blinked, momentarily caught off guard by the sudden outburst. “Hello to you too, Hugs.” She quipped with a goading smirk, knowing how much he hated the derisive nickname. “And sorry, the battery died again.”

“Finn has been on the phone with Solo for the past hour,” Hux stated as a matter of fact with a noticeable amount of desolation behind his words. 

Rey furrowed her brows in confusion, “And why would that concern me, exactly?”

Hux stood silent, momentarily, as he ran a hand over his mouth in thought while the other hand pressed into his hip. Rey watched him intently as his eyes remained fixated on a spot somewhere on a board of the studio’s wooden flooring before finally, he acknowledged her inquisitive gaze with glassy eyes. “Poe never made it to Los Angeles. Rey, there’s been an accident…”


	2. Chapter 2

The idea of how surreal her fiancé’s untimely death didn’t really sink in until gradually, one by one, gifts from friends that had been unable to attend the wedding started rolling in through the mail.

This also included the enormous three-tiered cake decorated in rich, vanilla frosting and embellished with tiny pine trees to represent their woodland themed wedding. In most cases, it was traditionally cut by the bride and groom during the reception that was to follow the main ceremony, but it only now lay hidden away in the fridge. Well, as best as one could hide such a large prominent decadent inside a rather small Frigidaire that was dated back to the mid-1990s.

For that reason entirely, Rey avoided the fridge like it was covered in plague, purposely despite the angry protest that her stomach was putting up from the lack of nutrition.

Thankfully, Finn had been more than accommodating when it came to bringing her sustenance as she shut herself away to allow the reality of what was happening to settle over her – that was before her good friend disguised as ‘denial’ found it appropriate to take up residence in the recesses of her thoughts.

The sun had risen three times since Hux’s words made their way to Rey’s ears, unwarrantedly. All of which she continued to reject it from ever happening even though with each passing hour it became undeniably, more difficult to prolong her ignorance of the truth.

Poe never made it to Los Angeles. There’s been an accident.

The words rolled off her tongue like vinegar without having to verbally speak them: a poignantly, disagreeable bitterness, lying behind the meaning that made the jagged little pill harder to swallow.

She was measuring up to the likes of a putrefied sponge; too fragilely emaciated with holes to properly absorb anything that the surrounding voices were trying to tell her. Everything was a faint dull roar.

An accident was spilling coffee down the front of your favorite shirt. An accident was tripping over the same crack in the sidewalk a million times over before you finally remembered to pick your feet up instead of shuffling. An accident was used to describe a minor fender bender whilst backing out of one of the narrow parking spaces at Wal-Mart, which had happened, coincidentally, on more than one occasion given the larger-than-life 2017 Chevy Suburban she now drove.

Still, before the NHTSA authoritatively declared the reason behind Poe’s crash was, indeed, a freak accident due to a failure in the engine Rey tightened her grip on the last sliver of hope that he was alive.

Perhaps there was the slightest of chances that his plane had been wrongly identified? But the genuine possibility was indeed remote. And it was just about as accurate as saying that they were still getting married tomorrow instead of planning a funeral.

This could’ve been nothing more than simply being a bad dream – a vivid nightmare – that was stuck incessantly looping through a series of realistic affairs while she stared at the front door with eyes wide shut, longing for him to come waltzing through the threshold like it was nothing more than him being held up in the city from one of the many extended layovers.

Even though the sweet, prominent scent of his Ralph Lauren Polo cologne that had gradually begun to fade from the sheets further proved otherwise: it had been nearly a week since he’d last slept beside her and, given time, that familiar aroma would be gone as well.

It was hardly a given that the essence of grief and loss weren’t necessarily foreign concepts to Rey, having lost her parents at a young age made the manner of dealing with such sorrow significantly easier as time passed by.

Unfortunately, with technology having been underdeveloped at that particular period in time to possess a phone of her own like the cell phone she owned nowadays Rey had no further means to engrave their voices into her memory. Even if given the opportunity it wasn’t as if Plutt would’ve simply allowed her to own such a grandeur piece of technology.

He had always been a greedy bastard in keeping the best things for himself; so much that it had been quite the shock when he agreed to let her own a paint set.

Gradually, as per how time generally passes it made the memory of their voices that much harder to recollect and, eventually, came down to what she thought they sounded like. Now, within the last few days, Rey made it a habitual point to call his phone, poignantly listening to the sound of the absent user’s voice behind the voicemail.

In spite of the ongoing circumstances, Rey couldn’t help but feel her breath hitch at the sudden notion of hearing that ‘click’ at the other end of the line. Momentarily, she hoped during that fleeting lapse in time that it would’ve turned out differently from the rest, thinking it to be Poe physically answering the phone rather than the same automatic line she’d heard whenever he failed to answer.

Despite every odd being against her fruitless aspirations, Rey gave in to that final nagging temptation to seek a source of comfort, opening her phone’s inbox to reveal the dozens of unread text messages she’d sent him the night of the accident.

She sat apprehensively, legs crossed on top of the ornate quilt on their bed still adorning the same grey and blue pajama shorts with an oversized sweatshirt she’d been wearing for the last three days whilst staring at the device, laying haphazardly in her hand.

Her thumb hovered over the home screen button, knowing that she was only making herself rub the salt further into the gaping wound of lies she’d been willfully allowing herself to believe.

Rey swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath in preparation that there still lie fleeting glimmers of hope Poe was simply ignoring her calls. The initial thought seemingly appeared to be more bearable to comprehend than having to accept that the man she was to marry was gone.

Her heart sunk in realization as the dozens of messages she’d sent remained marked as having only been delivered. 

> **-Rey 6:55pm-**
> 
> _Where are you?_
> 
> _I can’t wait for you to come home. I love you._

She had only made it past the first two messages before, begrudgingly, that beautiful concept of feeling comfortably numb caved into the brewing desolation she’d been desperately trying to encumber and allowed the tears she’d been stifling to freely flow at their leisure.

For too long Rey tried to hold back her emotions and be strong. After all, it was a key trait that essentially became a defining element to her character: an iron-forged façade she’d developed to help mask the dejection within the earlier years of her life.

Momentarily, her thoughts withered back to an earlier moment that day when Finn lingered longer, having brought her a delectable breakfast in which consisted of poached eggs and toast that had been topped with his renowned homemade grape jam.

“It’s okay to be sad, Rey,” Finn stated as he drew a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Rey smiled reassuringly with what she considered to be a smile and glossy eyes from unshed tears. “I’m fine, Finn. Really.”

Finn eyed her knowingly. His brows furrowed as the glare behind his eyes became more intense. “No, you’re not. As strong as you’ve been during this it’s okay sometimes to not be okay.”

Realization suddenly dawned upon her of how long she’d been living in denial. No one had ever told her when her parents died that it was okay to cry – to mourn, even. Suddenly, Rey caved into the gaping hole that had been begging to be acknowledged in her heart, allowing herself to let loose. The moment the tears started flowing was when she realized how good it felt to allow the pent-up emotions to escape rather than prolonging the inevitable.

**

So much time had come and gone, yet so little had changed since the last time Ben willingly set foot inside the state of Colorado. With a population of 108,090, he could easily give each resident of Boulder a hundred reasons not to live there.

Too many unpleasant memories to consider were keenly pushed to the furthest alcove of his mind where he’d purposely left them to deteriorate within the abyss of the cerebral membrane. Ironically, only one reason had been enough to consider coming back to Boulder - and yet that reason irrevocably changed to the event at hand which mirrored all too well that which prompted his exodus so long ago.

Where Ben was supposed to serve as best man in Poe’s wedding on this very day and now his initial purpose had changed undesirably when Poe’s father, Kes Dameron, asked him considerably to be a pallbearer.

His answer should’ve been a no brainer. Poe had always been considered to be an adoptive brother to the other’s parents. Yet, a fleeting moment of hesitation conceded between Kes’ question and Ben’s answer.

Within his 30 years of existence, it already seemed apparent that he’d lost so much in his life – and in his mother’s – after his estranged father had been buried. Where Han had wanted Ben to follow in Leia and his’ footsteps of pursuing a life of public service Ben wanted nothing more than to dive into the art of photography. After those arguments of callused words exchanged between father and son in which Poe had always been there to help distract him from his troubles.

Nevertheless, it was under another unfortunate circumstance that had been responsible for taking another important person from his life, delivering him into the two very things he hated the most: funerals and crowds.

After he’d grown up with a mother who regally bestowed the title of Boulder’s Prosecuting Attorney and a father who willfully served two decades within the U.S. Army it should’ve been easier to handle such events in which all eyes settled upon him.

Begrudgingly, the notion always managed to send his anxiety through the roof on top of the onslaught of hugs and unwarranted touches from people who he had seen maybe once in his life whilst offering their sincerest condolences.

Thankfully, if there was one thing he’d taken into consideration about the Damerons it was that there was sure to be a bottle of Captain Morgan hidden in the lazy Susan at the far corner of their overtly modernized kitchen, specifically behind the juicer and next to the blender. Out of sheer habit, it was one of the things Poe had reliably done in their earlier years to hide their alcoholic beverages, knowing that those were the two most underused appliances within the kitchen and the place that was most highly overlooked.

The funeral had lasted for a period in which Ben could’ve only considered to be at a snail’s pace – in February. The essence of whose funeral it was only seemed to further heighten his abhorrence to the juncture in which he was attending, making the black-tie settled underneath the collar of his white button-up shirt feel like his airway was being constricted.

That was – until a fleeting moment had passed where his eyes settled upon one person, in particular, prominently standing apart from all the others in attendance when he realized it wasn’t his anxiety that had caused him to hold his breath.

Ben had been standing inflexibly at the forefront of the assembly; his hands shoved into the pockets of his black pants with his broad frame sandwiched between Finn and Hux when his roaming eyes caught her seemingly inquisitive glare. Promptly, one name began flashing like a brightly lit LED sign at the front of his thoughts.

Rey.

Out of the few instances that Poe had mentioned her not once had he been prepared to consider what she looked like in person. His initial thoughts when Poe had brought up her name heavily relied on Ben, regarding the previous women in Poe’s life: those who had been wholly engrossed in couture and heavily agonized over the troublesome thoughts of their make-up smudging.

He had expected her to be adorning the most laborite of brand name dresses: the kind that would’ve cost the average white-collar worker their yearly salary like Dolce and Gabbana complemented with a pair of Prada heels.

The kind of girl he’d seen at parties amongst the famed models he spent the entirety of his hours photographing. The kind he had been guilty of sharing shameless one night stands with, disregarding the fact that the gratification was entirely mutual and they’d always go about their separate ways without question or expectation.

But with Rey – Ben could only regard her on an entirely different class of woman in her own right. Where most women that he worked with were heavily made-up under the bright lights of his studio for whatever shoot they were doing, Rey didn’t, using only a subtle dab of blush across her prominent cheekbones. Her auburn locks hung freely, elegantly at her shoulders. Where he expected her black dress to be clingy to her toned figure it had been one more modestly chic with short sleeves and a wide neck that displayed the prominent jut of her collarbone. While the fabric was more form-fitting at her waist it flared to a wider skirt that hung loosely just above her knees, foregoing the heels and wearing a simple pair of flats.

Momentarily, Ben could’ve sworn he saw the corner of her mouth purposely curl into what only could’ve been considered to be a smile before he blinked. Within that split second of losing eye contact, her initial soft gaze hardened. Her brows furrowed as if she were contemplating something. What that was, exactly, he couldn’t have been certain as her once permissive look fell into a frown as her eyes quickly darted away from his.

Ben disregarded the slight flinch in his muscles at her rejection before logic sought to regain any ounce of sensible reasoning within his mind.

Fucking hell – get a grip on yourself, Solo! He mentally chided, scowling at the thought he had intentionally eyed up his friend’s would-have-been-wife at said friend’s funeral. Even though within that fleeting moment of brief eye contact Ben couldn’t help regarding the subtle flutter in his chest with an overwhelming need to be closer to her – to know her more than being just that of a simple acquaintance.

It suddenly became all the more apparent that the day, regrettably, would require that hidden bottle of rum; which he fretfully sought after the moment the precession moved to the Dameron’s picturesque cape cod-style home.

Alas, the primary event in regards to what the day was supposed to have been about prior to Poe’s death became all the more somber as vans belonging to caterers and florists started showing up, purposely ready to assist in decorating for the wedding’s reception.

Leia quickly took it upon herself to initiate damage control, shooing and ushering away the unwarranted guests that their presence was no longer deemed necessary with the wedding turned impromptu funeral.

Meanwhile, it didn’t take long for Ben, Hux, and Finn to purposely shift their lone trio towards the kitchen; away from the crowd of bodies flourishing within the main room to pay further awareness to their friend in a way Poe would’ve wanted them with each brandishing their own tumbler glass of rum.

“To Poe,” Hux stated simply whilst offering up his glass to proclaim the toast as they each took a place around the center island in the kitchen.

Wordlessly, Ben and Finn offered a curt nod in acknowledgment before quickly gulping down the drink in a single swig, grimacing noticeably at the abundantly aged drink. A brief moment of silence rendered between them while each regarded their own thoughts.

Ben, particularly, couldn’t help but find his thoughts drifting back to the woman residing in the next room. His brows furrowed in thought as he absentmindedly swirled the remaining amount of liquid at the bottom of his glass, considering the dispute of what he could possibly lose with him simply going up to her and introducing himself, formally – even if the imaginary neon “fuck you” sign hovering above her forehead hadn’t been enough to further enhance the distaste within her glowering.

It’s just as well, Ben declared mutely to himself. Girls like her were a rare occurrence in life and hardly ever stuck around long enough to consider having a relationship – not with guys like him anyway. Nice guys always finished last had become a literal motto when comparing himself to certain individuals.

Perhaps, the façade of playing the field had simply become his own way of guarding his heart against that potentially unwarranted heartache.

“You know what?” Finn inquired to no one in particular. “What if Rey were able to still go on that honeymoon?”

Hux and Ben offered him quizzical glances in response, quirking a brow in bewilderment as if Finn had spontaneously grown a second head between his shoulders.

“What in the hell makes you think that Rey would consider going to Tahiti by herself?” Hux countered.

“I didn’t mean going by herself – as in being alone – but what if she were to go with a friend?” Finn added in defense. “Like, what if one of us took her to get her mind off things for a bit?”

Ben snorted whilst taking the initiative to pour himself another glass. “So, you want to take her to the place she was going for her honeymoon to get her mind off the fact her honeymoon won’t be a honeymoon anymore? Sure, it makes perfect logical sense.”

Finn scoffed, considering the notion did seem to be more reasonable before the thought had been expressed outwardly. “Well, do you have anything better to suggest?” he quipped shortly. “Given that this is coming from a guy who botched a proposal to ask a girl out on a date - if I remember correctly.”

Hux chuckled humorously at the thought, reaching for the bottle of liquor to pour himself another glass as well. “Kira. That was her name, wasn’t it? Such a shame, too she was pretty hot.” 

“That was in high school,” Ben added for clarification, remaining less than enthused of the unwarranted reminder. “And it wasn’t my fault she never saw Galaxy Wars.”

“Thank God you learned your lesson, Ben.” Hux goaded with a cynical sigh as he took a quick sip of his drink in hand. “Had it not been for the current word of your reputation amongst the gallant crowd I would personally take it upon myself to drive to LA and kick your ass if I ever heard you taking inspiration from Galaxy Wars villains again.”

Ben smirked, allowing his attention to settle upon a blonde waitress the Damerons had hired to offer sustenance to visitors throughout the afternoon. He cleared his throat shortly, purposely gaining her attention as she acknowledged him with a knowing wink.

“Keep telling yourself that, Hugs,” Ben added humorously before taking his leave; drink still in hand. “You’ll have to fill me in on how things are going with Persephone from the underworld.”

Hux narrowed his eyes, nearly boring holes into Ben’s back if it were physically possible whilst ignoring Finn’s snort in amusement. “How in the hell does he know about Phasma? And why in the hell did he just call her Persephone?”

Finn perked his brows, pursing his lips as he acknowledged the query with a shrug. “I may have mentioned her once or twice. Persephone sounds better than ‘Phasma at least.’ The latter sounds too much like a hooker name.”

Hux rolled his eyes, purposely raising his glass to gulp down the remaining ounce of liquor and slamming it to the table before proceeding towards the crowd that began to significantly thrive in size. “Fuck off.”

**

Rey gazed absentmindedly out of the front window of the Dameron’s home. Her arms tightly hugged her torso while she desperately clenched the Kleenex in her right hand into a wadded up ball. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember how it even got in her hand: whether it had been from someone she didn’t know or if she reached for it out of emotional instincts.

But how was one’s mental state suppose to function properly when you had to helplessly watch every bouquet of carefully selected lilies, baby’s breath, and various assortments of carnations be ushered away? Not to mention it had been during a rare moment in which Shara offered her assistance where it surprisingly, felt good to connect with her future mother-in-law on a familial basis – in a weird and desperate sort of way. Regardless, the outing made her feel like she actually belonged in the family for once rather than feeling secluded.

Isolation. Seclusion. It was a feeling that seemed to always welcome her back like an old friend. Even whilst standing amongst the heavy mass of strangers she had never felt so alone – now and at the funeral. Well, not through the entire funeral…

Everything felt like a garbled-up blur during that brief moment at the funeral in which Rey had let down her frontal barriers and found herself consciously studying the man across the way from her.

Ben Solo: if she had to be more precise.

Now that she was breaching the subject again she could only confirm it to be a moment in which she hadn’t realized she was staring at him. It was like some mystical force had taken over her eyesight and dubbed him worthy of her attention in that fleeting moment of weakness. During that weakness, however, she not only discovered that he seemed to be the only person in the audience that looked to show the same amount of discomfort as she did, but there was also a compassionate vulnerability in his eyes. A softness that she never expected to see from a man who been upheld on the highest pedestal of – what was the term that Hux and Finn had commonly used?

The term manwhore was all she could think of at the moment even though his unrestricted posture could’ve begged to differ. She noticed how his slouched shoulders allowed his arms to hang loosely at his sides with hands shoved carelessly into his pockets.

Chewing her cheek in thought, Rey subconsciously regarded how pouty his lips looked and how his layers of obsidian locks hung in carefully constructed mess around his face like his fingers had run one too many times through his hair that day.

Within that moment there was, undoubtedly, one thing that they had in common in which she could admit truthfully: they were both sharing the heartache of losing a loved one. As abruptly as the moment of weakness came on Rey realized she almost offered him a smile.

Who in the hell smiles when you’re burying your fiancée? 

Rey recovered her composure at the sudden discovery of the notion. It was unlikely that he cared anyway, considering he was already sharing drinks with Hux and Finn in the kitchen and hadn’t made any further attempt to approach her. Her thought was later confirmed as she saw him noticeably dart after a waitress that may have been dressed a little too provocative for the occasion.

At least he had been one of the few that refrained from touching her arms whilst telling her the various ways one could possibly say I’m sorry for your loss. There was only so much that one person could take before anxiety would kick in at full force.

After the umpteenth person approached her to issue the umpteenth version of ‘I’m sorry’ Rey hadn’t allowed them the chance to finish expressing their condolence before she held her hands up in a polite surrender to excuse herself to the bathroom.

Never did she think she’d find the coldness of porcelain against the back of her neck as she climbed into the tub more comforting than that of a person’s gentle touch. It was the first time that day where she had something else to redirect her thoughts from the constant flow of bodies around her that had been like a conveyor belt.

How could you do this to me? Rey wordlessly expressed within her thoughts as if there was a small chance that Poe could hear her from where he was. How could you leave me with all of these people, talking about you in the past tense as if you had never been here? You know how much I hate crowds. Or did I forget to mention that as well…?

Her implicit thoughts trailed off in realization that there had been many things she’d never had the chance to express. She never had a reason to consider that their time together would be so short-lived. In the end, it was what she had said and didn’t do that warped her stomach into knots.

Do you know what I keep thinking about? She paused, instinctively waiting as if he could answer her. I keep thinking about that little fight we had right before you left. I made a big deal over a stupid seating chart when I should’ve taken the time to enjoy your company. And I pushed you away when you tried to kiss me instead of telling you that I loved you. How could I have been so selfish?

Rey sighed heavily, regarding those last moments of their time together before the shrieking sound of laughter outside the closed bathroom door interrupted her thoughts. The fumbling of the doorknob prompted her to pull the shower curtain shut in time before had abruptly opened and closed.

Rey sat cemented in place, hugging her knees to her chest as she perceived the silhouettes through the curtain of a man and woman at the general vicinity of the fresher’s vanity. The obnoxious laughing of the unforeseen woman continued followed by the purposely, demanding phrase, “Sock it to me.”

A look of horror crossed over Rey’s face at the realization of what they were doing. Who in the hell, and what kind of person in their rightly given mind would consider having sex at a funeral?

Her eyes only grew wider as the embarrassing event continued, helplessly listening to the urged ‘shushes’ the man kept issuing as the slapping of skin grew louder. Rey managed to tune out everything else as she ended up focusing on their panted breaths to steady her own.

When it all became clear that the episode was finally over Rey sighed heavily, exasperated. Shortly after she could hear the sound of water running at the sink, “All employees are required to wash their hands before returning to work.”

Rey felt her lip curl in disgust and her eyes rolled as the woman stated with an overly enthusiastic high-pitched voice. “Call me, Mr. Yummy.”

It wasn’t until the sound of the door opening and closing made her sigh in relief. She waited, thinking that she was the only one left in the room until the sound of water running at the sink made her pause – again.

Call me, Mr. Yummy. Where the words should’ve been satisfying to hear Ben could only regard himself in the mirror with disgust. He briefly acknowledged the phone number written on the palm of his hand before the need to wash it off came without a moment’s hesitation.

After scrubbing his hands to the point where he could’ve considered the skin being raw he dried them with the towel hanging draped over the sink’s edge. Ben sighed heavily, tightly gripping the sink’s edges as he sought to regain his composure.

It was supposed to have been a distraction. For a brief moment, it had been a welcoming diversion from the war raging within his thoughts, regarding the fact that he had to witness the burial of his best friend earlier in the day.

He should’ve felt relieved, but all that remained after the salacious encounter with the waitress was guilt. Against his own wishes, he unwillingly found his thoughts drifting back to -.

The abrupt movement within his peripheral vision and the sound of clanking metal rolling against the shower curtain rod made him jump.

“Jesus Chri-.” His momentary alarm was promptly cut off as he found himself staring wide-eyed and face-to-face with an unforeseen guest that had been occupying the shower. “Oh, shit.” Ben acknowledged with a short breath. “Rey.”

Rey glowered at the man standing before her as his eyes turned into the shape of saucers. She snorted with bemusement over the fact that he was desperately attempting to search for an explanation as his mouth opened and closed.

Wordlessly, she stepped over the tub’s edge and made her way to the door.

Ben swallowed heavily. He could hear the unmistakable sound of his heart pounding in his ears as she passed him by. He cursed himself at the fact that he couldn’t even come up with a coherent explanation for what had just happened, and what she inadvertently just witnessed.

“Rey please let me -.”

Rey turned on her heel in acknowledgment of her name. Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly as she all but spat out her retort before leaving.

“Next time check the shower, Mr. Yummy.”


	3. Chapter 3

Time, up until the day of the funeral, appeared to be motionless. Like a wrinkle had creased that period and snagged hold of every proper functioning sense that Rey had, and thwarted her ability to normally proceed through the typical daily routines that were expected of her. Everything remained a blur within the days that followed as she had spent most of that time crying tears to the point where she was certain her tear ducts had been drained completely. Alas, life that surrounded her seemingly continued to carry on at its regular leisure.

Rey indomitably spent the few remaining days of her bereavement from work lounging, mainly inhabiting the hammock stationed to the left corner of the house’s front porch. To those passing the residence from the street, she easily remained hidden behind the stonework of the craftsman’s architectural design.

Finn and Hux had resumed their normal work schedules and tended to the bait shop. Of course, that wasn’t without her reassuring them, time after time, that she could manage taking care of herself while they were gone. She wasn’t that helpless for fuck’s sake even though the company would undoubtedly be well missed.

She had planned on returning to work by the end of the week after finishing up some last-minute errands anyways, regarding the relevance of Poe’s untimely death: one of which was meeting a lawyer within the later hours of the afternoon to discuss the impression of him having a beneficiary and a will that she’d been uncertain of him having. It wasn’t as if the topic had ever needed to be brought up, really. 

Feeling like a bum although managing to get a morning shower in, her only source of entertainment had solely come down to the aspect of watching their neighbors go about their everyday routines. At precisely 7:30 A.M. the sounds of innocent laughter from the kids residing within the residence to the left of her would barrel out of the front door with excitement to start the new school day. They promptly returned at 3:35 that afternoon with coherent babbles of the day’s thrilling events to their mother. At least, it was what was considered to be ‘exciting’ in the eyes of a child.

Within that time frame of the neighboring kids filing into the backseat of their parents’ cobalt blue, four-door Toyota Camry, a man - whom she presumptuously believed to live further down the road - would pass by on his morning run with the louder-than-necessary alternative rock music resonating through his earbuds. She could almost regard his pace as being set to the music that was currently in the queue.

No sooner than as the runner passed by their house Rey would see the elderly man, residing across the street hobble his way to the end of his driveway for the morning newspaper – his grey hair slightly disarray from sleep moments prior. As usual, he always adorned a visually apparent blue, checkered-plaid robe with a white undershirt peeking out from the top of the garment with a pair of gray slacks, and matching slippers that had surely seen better days prior to the given moment.

Rey puffed out a breath in that of a heavy sigh. What in the hell are you doing with your life? She incited wordlessly to herself, scoffing with an enhanced crease between her brows.

If there was one lesson that she should’ve learned through substantial losses over the years it was that life was precious and short. She was old enough to understand that constantly dwelling over the past and what she could’ve done differently to change such events from ever happening, wasn’t going to bring Poe or her parents back.

Let the past die, she attempted to tell herself on more than one occasion. Although saying the words within her mind and actually going about obeying them were completely different obstacles to overcome when one had suffered from such grievances in life.

Frowning, Rey realized that she had willfully allowed herself to become more alienated from those surrounding her out of the sheer habit of constantly not having anyone else to rely on. The large gathering at the funeral should’ve made it obvious that she wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone she cared about until she was ultimately alone with only the company of her thoughts to consider it.

She scowled at how selfish she must’ve appeared. Finn and Hux had known Poe longer than she and yet they wasted no time trying to settle back into somewhat of a normal lifestyle. Then again, the everyday necessities of life piling up on the kitchen counter disguised as paper billings were surely not about to pay themselves.

She needed something new – a change. Something that could be a healthier source of remedy when she wasn’t able to paint; which had sadly suffered whilst having to juggle wedding planning and work. Even now, within her time of affliction painting seemed like a sore reminder of that past where it had once been her only source of comfort.

How does one go about picking up the fragile remnants of life when nothing else seemed to quench that irreparable heartache?

An overwhelming sense of déjà vu washed over her that she’d somehow reverted back to the life she had purposely, left behind all those years ago in London. During those years of short-lived happiness, Rey had been so busy making goals and aspirations with someone whom she thought she’d spent forever with to even consider what she wanted for herself. Only now all those plans had suddenly come to an abrupt halt.

Grimacing, she realized she’d unwittingly traded her lifestyle as an aspiring artist to become a housewife, and she couldn’t help but feel lost - again. But who was the woman that she’d manage to become?

She knew it was just a matter of picking up the pieces, and figuring out where she belonged in this world. But where she needed to start was something that she hadn’t quite figured out. At this point, she wished a sign would spontaneously fall from the sky into her lap, pointing her in the right direction of where to go even though the thought was silly to even consider.

Ding.

Surprised by the unexpected alert, Rey yelped and felt her muscles jump at the long-forgotten sound of a text message being delivered to her phone. Taking a breath, she reached for the device that had been lying face down on her stomach, allowing her frown to curve into a smile while she read the message displayed on the screen.

**– Leia 09:27 AM –**

Making a coffee run for the boys. Care to join? My treat.

Rey considered the woman’s offer, knowing that the ‘boys’ she was referring to only had to of been Finn and Hux; which meant that they must’ve told her Rey was still holding down her usual position at the house.

Leia had always made it a habit to stop by the bait and art shops while out running her mid-morning errands around town. On more than one occasion there had been times where she happily provided Rey her company during the slower periods of the day or making coffee runs for them when they were too busy to make it for themselves.

While Leia always insisted it was because of her conveniently being in town that day, Rey couldn’t help but wonder if it was the woman’s therapeutic way of relieving the urge to work, having retired from the law firm just months prior after working nearly three decades in the practice. Not that she could blame Leia any.

As she went to tap the ‘reply’ button she watched the three little dots waver below the previous message, acknowledging the fact that another message was shortly incoming.

> **– Leia 09:28 AM –**
> 
> _ And I won’t accept NO for an answer. _

Rey chuckled lightheartedly at the woman’s renowned persistence. In some way, she couldn’t have been more grateful as she’d indubitably considered the woman in question to be more of a motherly figure than Shara had ever been; who had only acknowledged Rey with a fleeting glance in her direction the day of the funeral.

Even if her son was an insensible asshole, Rey always enjoyed Leia’s suggested company. Besides, the vociferous growling of her stomach, alerting her that it was on the verge of eating itself inside out, was becoming harder to ignore.

> **– Rey 09:30 AM –**
> 
> _ Okay. Be there in 20. :) _
> 
> **– Leia 09:30 AM –**
> 
> _ Any preference for drink? _
> 
> _ Or do you want the usual? _
> 
> _ Pastries? Sandwiches? _

Rey narrowed her eyes in thought, perceiving the text on her phone as the unseen menu of what the local Starbucks had to offer. She had always passed up caffeine and favored one of the fruity blends of tea, particularly the Summer Sunset in which consisted of pineapple and a fruity passion blend.

Now, she was definitely considering a beverage that would counteract the sleeping medication’s prolonged grogginess she had been prescribed to ease the passing of nighttime hours since Poe’s death. Begrudgingly, insomnia had become a less than welcoming factor since then.

Chewing her upper lip in thought, Rey’s thumbs danced across the keyboard on her screen as she typed out her order.

> **– Rey 09:32 AM –**
> 
> _ Venti Caramel Macchiato, double shot of espresso and extra caramel and extra whip cream _
> 
> _ A chocolate chunk muffin _
> 
> _ Actually…make that 2 _
> 
> **– Leia 09:34 AM –**
> 
> _ : thumbs up emoji : _

Rey smiled gratefully; though the woman on the receiving end of her message couldn’t see it.

**

The distinct aroma harbored within the signature blend of coffee grounds hung predominantly in the air just outside the café’s closed door. It was a scent that remained faint yet had undeniably been enough for anyone to recognize the fragrance that any coffee shop had to offer.

The moment that Rey opened the door to cross over the main entrance of the facility’s threshold was enough to send a wave of salaciously blended aromas, assailing her senses with only the slightest inhale: varying from assorted teas and coffee grounds with a subtle hint regarding their small selection of sandwiches in the deli, and the sweet smell of pastries from the bakery.

It was an atmosphere that always remained more than welcoming for those who intended to seek a somewhat peaceful, yet affable environment to lounge in for hours on end – depending on that person’s purpose for being there, of course. Even if they were able to easily tune out the harsh sounds of the blender and frother from the baristas busy at work behind the counter. 

The more secluded area located to the right of the facility’s main entrance, lying adjacent to the coffee bar and far dimmer in lighting, was apparent enough to be where employers from nameless corporations favored meeting with their potential employees for interviews. The employers were always anticipated to be dressed sophisticatedly in indistinct-colored suits of black and darker shades of grey and dark blue. If the few spaces of booth seats weren’t taken up by said individuals it was also the preferred location for high school and college students alike to sit during after hours of class, doing homework whilst enjoying their beverage of choice.

The area most ascendant to a majority of the café’s customers was positioned to the immediate left of the entrance. Large windows always remained as the leading source of lighting during the business’ daytime hours. The choice of seating varied with preference: high-rise bar stools with complimentary circular tables were stationed closest to the windows overlooking the parking lot while leather-upholstered, overstuffed chairs surrounding a smaller coffee table were strategically positioned to the center portion of the facility.

Magazines purposely targeting a broad range in audience were strewn across the tops of each table. However, they, for the most part, were generally overlooked for the sheer fact of patrons bringing their laptops, iPads, and other electronic devices to take advantage of the café’s free WiFi.

Aside from the preferred general populace area that Starbucks had to offer, Rey always took to the outdoor veranda seating; especially when the weather was expected to stay within the upper 70s for the majority of the late morning. She couldn’t have been more pleased to discover Leia had withheld the same thoughts, regarding the lone occupant of the outdoor sitting area and, humorously, the only person within the entire building that took any interest in reading the complimentary newest issue of Time magazine.

Leia glanced up from the concealed article she had been engrossed in moments before of taking notice of Rey’s arrival, acknowledging her with a vividly warm smile.

“Fancy finally seeing you out and about, my dear,” Leia commented as she stood from the whickered chair’s cushion to pull Rey into that of a receiving embrace.

Rey returned the woman’s tender gesture, silently and happily with a gratuitous smile in which had been the most she’d willingly offered anyone up to that point.

“How are you holding up?” Leia inquired with concern etched into her gentle features as they each took to their own seat crossways from the other. “I haven’t seen or heard much from you since the funeral. Well, aside from Finn assuring me that you’ve done a fine job of holding down the fort at home.”

Rey acknowledged the light tease with a short chuckle. “Honestly, I’d like to say it’s getting better, but I’m not so sure if that’s really the case?” She finished as if it were more of a question to herself rather than it being an answer to Leia’s question.

“It’s only been a matter of days, Rey,” Leia assured soothingly, crossing one knee over the other as she leaned further into the side of the chair closest to Rey. “No one is expecting you to get over such a loss that quickly. We all have our own ways of dealing with grief and you’re certainly entitled to your own way as well.”

Rey’s face turned wistful. For a brief moment, she had been able to forget the unwarranted happenings that rendered within the past week but to further ensure Leia that she understood she issued a brisk nod in response. Taking advantage of the momentary silence, she reached for the latte that was pleading for her attention on the tabletop, purposely to welcome the heat of its liquid content to ease down the apparent lump that had formed in her throat.

Rey closed her eyes, allowing the heavily exerted amount of caffeine to bring her problematic mind up to that of a properly functioning speed; at least enough to be able to carry on a fully stable conversation without breaking down.

“I know.” Rey finally managed to issue shortly in response to Leia’s prior statement; worrying her brows into a prominent crease she idly tapped her index finger against the cup’s cardboard cozy in thought. “I just – I feel if I move on too quickly it will make it harder to remember him.”

Leia cocked her head knowingly, considering her words carefully whilst taking a quick sip from her smaller cup containing the contents of her chai tea latte. “Moving on isn’t necessarily what you should consider it to be. More or less you should view it as being somewhere along the lines of ‘moving forward.’”

Rey eyed her quizzically while leaning over to place her cup on the table, trading it for one of the two muffins she had Leia order. “What’s the difference?”

“There’s a significant difference, actually.” Leia countered assertively, but also with gentleness. “Moving on is what you do after someone tragically dumps you at the altar. Of course, you’re going to do whatever means necessary to push any thoughts of that explicit bastard aside from ever coming back into your life.”

Rey snorted, stifling the blatant laugh in regards to Leia’s intermittent need to casually throw all modesty aside in exchange for the valid use of vulgarity. To anyone that didn’t know her, Leia could’ve easily been considered as the typical blue-collar, upper-class act in society when acknowledging her steeply-priced attire, and how she regally carried herself in overall etiquette. But to Rey and those who knew and loved her most, Leia was simply a rare gem who possessed the desirable traits of a beautiful human being – inside and out.

“And what of the latter?” Rey inquired while absentmindedly picking chunks of crust off the top of her muffin she’d been meaning to eat.

Leia took a short breath. “That is when you allow yourself to move into the next chapter of your life, and you carry that person with you in a way that helps inspire how you choose to continue living.”

As Leia’s words sunk into her thoughts, Rey felt the unavoidable pressure of tears brewing from behind her eyes. Since the funeral, she had been so certain she’d cried the last of them – until now. Her eyes flitted down to the sugary ration in hand before quickly diverting back to Leia’s, blinking them rapidly to lessen the urge.

“You sound as if you speak from experience?”

Leia nodded whilst exerting the irrefutable look of sadness in her eyes. “Roughly ten years ago, my husband, Han, passed away about as unexpectedly as Poe had. Only his was due to a heart attack.”

Rey frowned at her admission, or rather if it was possible for her to frown anymore than what she was already before Leia’s disclosure of her personal tragedy. “Leia, I’m so sorry…”

Leia smiled knowingly. “And I was just as equally stubborn as you. Except I almost envy you that you were able to acknowledge your feelings over the matter a lot sooner than I was willing to. Rey, it took me almost a month to cry. And I wish I could say that it gets easier over time; which it will. But I’d like to say that it’s more of the pain seceding into a duller form of where that initial pain once existed.”

Choosing to remain mute over the subject to hinder herself from crying, Rey nodded in agreement. Where she had initially been starving she began to feel that presence of hunger fade.

“But - ,” Leia added, breaking the fleeting sound of silence as she sighed heavily. “Of course, not all of us were able to deal with his passing like I was able to.”

Rey scoffed, knowing precisely whom which Leia was referring to. Since that awkward – no, mortifying moment in the Damerons’ bathroom the day of the funeral, Rey had managed to push all thoughts of Ben Solo into the furthest recesses of her mind. Until now, she found herself articulating his name aloud for the first time.

“Ben,” she stated with bemused dryness. Suddenly, that muffin looked far more appealing than it had initially been a few moments prior just to avoid saying anything she’d ultimately regret later on.

Leia arched a brow in acknowledgment of Rey’s tone. “I take it you two met then?”

Rey confirmed her query with a slow nod, now tearing off a piece of the sustenance she’d been absentmindedly playing with since she first picked it up and was now lying partially in crumbs at her feet.

“We did. But we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot.”

Leia snorted. “I wish I could say that I’m not entirely surprised. Ben can be a pompous ass at times, but I’d consider it being more of a mask to shield the heart he generally wears on his sleeve. If there’s anyone that could remotely connect with you, Ben would be that person. And I’m not saying that just because he’s my son.”

Rey scowled at the well-intended notion. She knew Leia was only trying to help in whatever ways she could, but the thought of connecting with Ben on any level after what had happened the other day was enough to make her nauseous. To save herself from further explaining the noticeable grimace on her face, Rey blamed it on accidentally biting her cheek while chewing the gourmet delicacy.

Besides – if she would’ve considered the option of facing Ben after that previous embarrassing encounter, how could she possibly approach him without acknowledging the awkwardness that had already rendered between them? Then, there was also the fact that he would surely be leaving soon to tend to his luxurious life in LA. If (and that was a big if) she ever considered the unlikely option to ever see him again he would be out of her life as fast as she would’ve allowed him to enter like everyone else did whom she allowed herself to become close to. Surely, he wouldn’t consider sticking around just for her.

“Anyways,” Leia started, sensing the apparent discomfort of the subject, “Finn briefly mentioned earlier that you were seeing a lawyer today?”

Rey breathed an irrevocable sigh in relief at the change in subject. “Yeah, Poe’s parents and I weren’t sure if he ever conceived a will; at least, so far we haven’t been able to attain one. So I thought maybe she could help.”

“Which lawyer are you having handle it, may I ask?”

Rey bit into another chunk of muffin just before Leia had inquired. She shifted the food around in her mouth, purposely to speak through an unoccupied corner of her lips. “Maz Kanata.”

“Oh, yes.” Leia countered with a perceptive grin. “Maz is a good friend of mine. I can definitely assure you that you’ll be in good hands.”

The two women conversed for what appeared to be approaching two hours in time, engaging in talk over a variety of topics. Rey listened intently all the while indulging further into her food before the fleeting sound of a whistle that was Leia’s phone alerting her of the arrival of a text message.

“I swear every time I hear that thing I always think it’s a goddamn creeper whistling at me,” Leia remarked as she glanced at the screen, narrowing her eyes to perceive the tiny lettering and proceeded to roll them at the invisible sender. “It would appear that a certain dynamic duo is growing irritable with their lack of sustenance and caffeine that I had promised them.”

Rey chuckled lightly. “It’s okay. I should be going anyway just to make sure I haven’t missed anything before my consultation with Maz.”

Leia nodded in agreement. Both women rose in unison, gathering all remnants of trash and sharing a quick hug before parting their separate ways.

“Thank you so much for your help, Leia,” Rey stated with a genuine smile in appreciation to the other woman’s company. “I definitely needed it.”

Leia returned the merit with a smile that mirrored Rey’s. “I’m just a text or a phone call away. Please, don’t hesitate if you need someone to talk to.”

Rey smiled appreciatively in response.

**

If there was one thing that made Maz Kanata stand out from the rest of the lawyers in the city of Boulder it had been that of her impressive track record for being one of the more fiercely, renowned defense attorneys in the area.

Judging by the photo provided of Maz on her firm’s website, Rey only knew that the woman she was meeting was considerably older in age than Leia. Her purposely dyed, russet brown hair was short with tightly perm curls. Her overly bronzed skin appeared to be as if she’d been in the sun for the majority of her life. She wore significantly large, black frames for glasses with lenses that appeared to be at least a quarter of an inch thick, exceedingly increasing the size of her soft brown eyes and a kind smile that curved upright into a tiny u-shape.

What she hadn’t expected to see was that the woman’s seemingly large repute had been crammed into a body that couldn’t have been any taller than 4’8.” Her voice was hospitably warm and welcoming; enough to make Rey believe that Maz had known her for years rather than sheer seconds as Maz led her from the waiting area of her office to a small consultation room.

“It is so nice to meet you,” Rey greeted wholeheartedly. “Leia spoke very highly of you when I talked to her earlier.”

“Oh!” Maz exclaimed utterly. Her tiny eyes easily shimmered brightly behind the enormous lenses on her face, making the joy of mentioning her friend’s name all the more prominent. “You know Leia? How wonderful! Now, if I remember correctly…” Her words trailed off briefly in thought. “She has a son that’s not far from your age, does she not? Ben – that’s his name!”

Bloody hell, Rey chided wordlessly to herself with a hopefully, unnoticeable scowl. “Yes,” she affirmed with a fake smile in acknowledgment of her query.

“Let me tell you something,” Maz started with a timbre that made what she was about to say sound like some sort of big secret. “If I were forty years younger I would never hesitate to pursue that sexy honey pot. And from what I hear now he’s quite the beefcake. It’s been years since I’ve seen him.”

Rey’s face grew more expressive, begrudgingly, against her own wishes. She’d only be lying to herself if she hadn’t considered Ben unconventionally attractive during that brief moment when she’d locked eyes with him at the funeral. A cold chill from the air conditioning prompted a shudder to roll across her shoulder, snapping her momentary lapse in thoughts from the real reason she was here – and that was not to discuss Ben Solo’s good looks.

“Anyways,” Rey quickly added to save her own sanity whilst purposely handing over the papers she’d been clutching a little too tightly in that brief moment of deflection. “Here are the documents of Poe’s financial statements that you requested per our talk on the phone earlier.”

“Oh, yes, thank you,” Maz stated as she took the papers from her hand. Her eyes flicked over the printed lettering on the document that was atop of the relatively thick pile. “Now, Rey did you and Poe share names on anything: car title, loans, anything along those particular lines?”

Rey shook her head briefly, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “No. Actually, he just paid the first down payment on a house we recently bought together.” Her face grew solemn as she looked down to acknowledge the engagement ring still residing on her finger. “We hadn’t even moved in yet; which, I can’t afford it by myself even if I wanted to keep it.”

A glimmer of empathy flickered through Maz’s eyes as she furrowed her brows. “I really am sorry for your loss. Poe was a good man. And I honestly hate to be the one to tell you this, but I couldn’t find any legalized documents that stated Poe had declared a beneficiary to his assets. Which, unfortunately, in the state of Colorado all assets are automatically ascended to the next living blood relative. ”

Rey felt her heart sink at the anticipated statement, knowing that Maz was delicately telling her that everything he owned would rightfully go back to Kes and Shara – including their home. With Rey having a salary from the art store, she knew there was no way that his parents would allow her to continue living there without handing over the mortgage payment.

“Thank you for trying at least,” Rey expressed solemnly with a weak smile.

Maz nodded as she continued glancing through the documents on her desk. “I’m sorry I couldn’t provide any better news for -.” She halted mid-sentence with eyes narrowed downward at a particular document in hand. “Where’s the statement for this big account?”

Rey scoffed; confused at what she was imploring. “What big account?”

With purpose, Maz quickly began to search through the remaining papers in the pile, shaking her head with an overt look of confusion on her face. “There’s $48,000 in tax returns on here for his investment account and I’m not seeing any statements for it.”

Rey blinked, her eyes searched briefly around the general vicinity in thought as she haphazardly configured digits in her head. “$48,000 would be about what he had in savings, right?”

“No, that’s $48,000 in interest Rey.”

Rey nearly gasped whilst considering the notion that her heart was about to burst out of the confinements of her chest, eyeing Maz with a knowing look.

“And…” Maz trailed off as she quickly configured the equation on a nearby calculator, “in order for an account to generate that substantial sort of amount the balance would have to be roughly a million dollars.”


	4. Chapter 4

Having run a red light while traveling down the main stretch off Main Street didn’t seem to faze Rey until she pulled alongside the safety of the curb just outside her house. Or had it been a stop sign? Then again, it could have very well been both. Her foot pressed on the brake a little harder than necessary, bringing the Suburban to an abrupt stop and jerking her upper body slightly forward along with it.

No, this house was Finn and Hux’s, she admitted enviously to herself with a frown.

Her house was supposed to have been the cute little Cape Cod bungalow that she and Poe would’ve been sharing as it was the day they would have come back from their honeymoon. The same house where her more significant belongings had been kept that hadn’t been packed away in cardboard boxes with the word  **JUNK** written dramatically in black, permanent sharpie.

Now, since the meeting with Maz, it was obvious that a majority of those belongings would inevitably be joining the rest in storage as well. But that was the least of her worries within the clustered-fuck of a mess she could call thoughts.

What she couldn’t comprehend was how in the hell there had been a million dollars sitting right under her nose and never had the slightest clue about it being there. Most importantly, why was Poe sitting on such a significantly large sum of money without feeling the need to tell her about it?

A million and one thoughts rushed through the nerve endings within her mind desperately, searching for the million and one reasons to answer the million and one questions that only seemed to come up unanswered with every possible prospect she could consider. For the entire ten-minute drive home her mind had been engulfed by the deafening sounds of a raging war: so loud it fell near in comparison to that of a freight train traveling full speed ahead into a tunnel. Its echo easily drowned out the rhythm of whatever songs had been playing on the radio. 

Now, that she was safely parked she finally managed to take a breath, she considered the fact she even made it home in one piece was certainly a miracle of its own. Everything, from the moment she left the small plaza downtown where Maz’s firm had been located to the porch’s wood flooring she was currently standing on, had been in a fog.

Rey snorted, acknowledging what should’ve been a horrifying thought that she didn’t even remember leaving her vehicle just a few seconds ago. Somehow, her feet managed to take over while her brain suffered a momentary lapse. Otherwise, there was a possibility that she would’ve spent a majority of the evening in her front seat, staring absentmindedly at her dashboard.

Rey sighed heavily. After having endured so much within a two-week time span she couldn’t have been certain if she was even capable of keeping her shit together for no longer than five minutes at this point. It was certainly a given that she had to be prepared to answer the onslaught of questions that Hux and Finn were sure to have for her – or rather Finn’s alone.

Whether her roommates asked right away or not one thing was for certain and required her utmost attention before anything else: she was starving! After having only eaten a full muffin and a second that had been nearly obliterated from her absentminded picking, she was more than ready to devour an entire cow on her own at this point.

With only a subtle breath, she managed to catch the delicious, sweet aroma of freshly made pasta sauce along with fried beef, trailing through the screen of the front door to her nose.

Thank fucking God! She knew she could always count on Finn to have supper ready at precisely 6:00 P.M. every evening after getting home from work.

From where she was standing she could easily see Finn, sitting on the barstool at the window of the kitchen that overlooked the living room, with one foot firmly planted on the wood flooring and the other propped on the brim underneath his stool. He was already stuffing his face full of the spaghetti that had just been finished moments prior while Hux was standing on the opposite side of the window with his own plate full of food, too deeply engrossed in the conversation of theirs to acknowledge that Rey was in plain sight of his view.

Having just taken a fork full of food into his mouth, Hux finally acknowledged Rey’s entrance into the house with a nod and a grunt (she figured it was supposed to be his way of saying hello). Finn pivoted his torso so that he was facing away from his food and towards Rey, greeting her with his usual friendly smile.

“Hey!” Finn said with a mouth half full of food. “How did the meeting with Maz go?”

That was fast, Rey muttered silently with an exasperated huff. Snubbing the coat rack behind the front door where she normally hung her satchel, she carelessly tossed it on top of the coffee table in the living room before making her way over to where the two men were situated.

“Jesus,” Hux mumbled with a mouth still half full of food, hindering Finn from hearing the prominent annoyance behind his tone. “At least let her make it through the door first.”

“It’s okay,” Rey assured with a fake smile. It wasn’t until she started making up her own plate of food at the stove when she noticed the seemingly, expensive pair of stainless steel pots atop the burners. Quizzically, she issued a knowing look towards Finn regarding the newfound cookware.

“Yeah, um, about that, “ Finn began sheepishly explaining, shrugging his shoulders. “There was some good shit in those gifts. I couldn’t let them all go to waste. No wonder people get married. Look at all the cool stuff that you get!” Finn gestured with his fork at the other half-opened boxes: a blender, a juicer, and a fancy set of china dishware that failed to strike Rey’s fancy.

Rey snorted, feeling a little less enthused. But then, who was she to consider taking away such happiness from a man that loved to cook?

“Well, I can say officially that you guys now have yourselves a third roommate,” Rey affirmed, dryly. Judging by the frowns on the two men’s faces, she was forced to elaborate a little further as she aggressively piled the pasta on her plate. “Poe didn’t have a will. And since I can’t afford our house on my own Maz made it clear that everything he owns will immediately go to his parents since we never got married.”

“Shit, I’m sorry Rey,” Hux stated sympathetically. “But you know, you can stay here for as long as you need to, right?”

Rey smiled halfheartedly as she took the unoccupied stool next to Finn. “I know,” she replied softly. Stabbing her fork into the pile of noodles on her plate, she scoffed at the unspoken details she was purposely trying to avoid from discussing.

“Not that I can complain,” Finn added humorously, gesturing with his head towards Hux in an attempt to cheer her up. “You’re a much better company than this dick can be at times.”

“Speak for yourself.” Hux quipped sharply. “My sanity has been spared on more than one occasion thanks to her.”

Finn scoffed, having taken a mouth full of food prior to Hux’s comment, he purposely pointed the fork in hand towards the red head’s direction. “Hey!” he snapped with what little resentment he could express having an over-stuffed mouth. “This chick is only nice to you because I’m your friend.”

Rey chuckled at the lighthearted dispute between the two whilst heavily regarding the plate of untouched food in front of her. Twirling her fork in the pasta absentmindedly, her subconscious betrayed her and forced her mouth to blurt out what had been heavy on her mind all evening.

“Did either of you know that Poe had a million dollars set back in his private investment account?”

Hux nearly choked on the food he’d just bitten into moments prior, rendering himself into a fit of coughs whilst struggling to catch his breath. If Rey’s concern hadn’t been entirely focused on whether or not Hux was going to make it out of his state alive, she would’ve noticed the sound of silence on Finn’s behalf as he paused between bites with pupils blown wide. 

“I’m – sorry.” Hux sputtered out once he managed to catch his breath, holding a hand over his chest where it ached tremendously from having his airway constricted. “But I could’ve sworn that you just used ‘Poe’ and ‘a million dollars’ in the same sentence.”

Rey nodded. “Yeah, in some big investment account apparently.”

Finn rolled his lips together, concern etched between his brows. “Maybe it was from an inheritance from his parents? Or from when his dad’s old man died a few years ago. It’s not much of a secret that his entire family was well off in finances.”

Rey raised her brows, flitting between utter surprise and distress that their friend had also failed to tell them about his hidden fortune. “So, you guys didn’t know about it either?”

Judging by Hux’s stupefied expression on his face, it was clear that he was just as much in the dark as Rey had been. Finn only shrugged in response. “Why should he have to?”

Hux blinked; flabbergasted at Finn’s indifference over the shocking revelation. “You don’t find it weird that he failed in bothering to tell us – his business partners or fiancée – about this?”

“Well, no? That money had nothing to do with the business end of our ordeal. What he does with his personal end of finances isn’t any of our business, Hux.”

Hux scowled, heavily showing his distaste. “I call bullshit. He should have at least told Rey,” he affirmed as his eyes met hers. “I mean – if we had been engaged, and I had a million bucks there’s no reason why I wouldn’t have told you in the first place.”

Rey only nodded. It appeared to be all that she was capable of doing as she allowed the information to settle into her thoughts. Mindlessly, she pushed around the chunks of hamburger on her plate with her fork, herding them into a pile amidst the pasta.

Finn chuckled at Hux’s comment. “First of all, I’ve seen your bank account, Hugs and you don’t even have two dimes to rub together.”

Hux clenched his jaw in resentment.

Being the optimist that he was Finn couldn’t help but seize the opportunity to view the better side of the reasoning behind Poe’s secret. “And second, there could be a hundred different reasons why Poe felt the need to keep this hidden from us.”

Rey skeptically quirked her brow in unison with Hux’s, regarding Finn’s overview. “Like what?”

Finn scrunched his face into a disoriented look of concentration, considering the fact that he should’ve been more prepared to offer more specific answers. “Well, maybe he didn’t want to end up depending on it entirely, you know? So, he might have just wanted to put it away. Out of sight and out of mind. But do you honestly think that he wasn’t going to tell you, Rey?”

Rey considered the thought momentarily. Poe had never given her a reason not to trust him, but the more she regarded the thought she couldn’t help but feel cynical about her fiancée’s overall motive. “I don’t know…”

“I think that maybe he was waiting for the right moment to surprise you.” Finn concurred sincerely. “Like – your wedding night for example!”

Rey cocked her head. It did seem plausible that it could’ve been a wedding gift if she had to be more optimistic, she supposed. “Do you think so?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “This should be good,” he grumbled while managing to tend his attention back to his food.

“Hell yeah, I do!” Dropping his fork to his plate, Finn buoyantly brought his hands up in dramatic gestures as he began to metaphorically paint his grand picture. “Okay, picture this: it’s your honeymoon night, and you’ve just had hours upon hours of sex without Hux or me in the house for once. And Poe pulls you into his arms and says, ‘Rey, you know that part in our vows where we said for richer or for poorer? Well, we’re the former!’”

Rey chuckled halfheartedly at the thought before her positive expression reluctantly fell wistful. “Poe really would’ve loved to do something like that, wouldn’t he?”

Finn nodded curtly; enhanced with a toothy grin as he stood to take his plate to the sink. “He really did love you, Rey. That I have no doubts about.”

Rey sighed heavily, knowing that Finn truly meant well in essence. As her daydream ended she couldn’t help but shake the feeling that it all seemed too good to be true. Regardless, it really was a good justification as to why Poe worked excessively up until his death.

Unwarrantedly, guilt crept over her that their last moment spent together was Poe being chastised by her. Rey sniffed, acknowledging the stinging sensation of tears prickling behind her eyes. She rubbed them with her palms to hinder herself from crying.

Turning the water on at the sink to wash his plate, Finn glanced at Rey in time to see her wiping her eyes. His earlier smile from bringing his friend out of her momentary state of melancholy was promptly replaced with a frown. His eyes shifted over towards Hux, realizing that he was also eyeing her with the same sympathetic expression; perhaps, with a little more meaning behind his piercing gaze.

Thinking quickly over his thoughts, Finn blurted out the first reassuring phrase he could think of at that moment. “Food for thought, Rey: the belonging that you seek isn’t behind you – it is ahead.”

Hux eyed him with a look that could’ve only been him considering the illogical fact that lobsters had just spontaneously crawled out of Finn’s ears. “Where in the hell did you hear that?”

Finn shrugged. “It was my fortune from a fortune cookie that I had the other day,” he stated as a matter of fact whilst diverting his attention back to placing the now empty plate into the dishwasher. “I figured it was appropriate.”

Rey’s frown was abruptly replaced with an amused smirk. Snorting humorously at Finn’s offhanded comment, she suddenly realized how grateful she was for the two men in front of her and how much they’d already helped her endure.

She hoped in time, she’d find a permanent solution to help ease the burning pain that was constantly broiling in her chest. Time always had the capability to heal all wounds. For now, it was only a matter of questioning how she would mend that gaping wound and allow it to heal.

**

As the darkness of the later evening hours descended so did the anticipated effects of Rey’s prescribed sleeping medication. Still dressed in her early day’s attire, Rey fell into a deep, premeditated sleep on the living room’s futon. Stretched out comfortably, across the makeshift bed’s length her left arm draped haphazardly over her face to shield the living room’s interior lighting while the other dangled over the edge.

Too deeply immersed in her sleep, Rey failed to notice Hux’s honorable attempt to transfer her into the comfort of her own bed in the room situated off from the main area of the house. Carefully, he slipped an arm underneath the folds of her knees and another under her back, cradling her against his chest with her head resting against his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Finn inquired sharply with an arched brow.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Hux retorted, feeling annoyed at having to state such an obvious answer as he attempted to make his way across the room.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe Rey didn’t want to sleep in there tonight?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes I figured she would be more comfortable in there than out here,” Hux argued, exasperatedly.

“Just let her sleep out here tonight,” Finn added aggressively whilst attempting to transfer Rey into his own arms and take her back to her chosen place for rest. “If she wanted to be in her room she would’ve chosen it in the first place.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Hux sneered through gritted teeth. “Just let go of her!”

As the two men engaged further in their juvenile-like argument the initial sturdy grasp that Hux had on Rey loosened, hindering his and Finn’s ability to obtain their hold over her, and accidentally sent her plummeting down to the hardwood flooring.

Taking pause with fear that she’d wake up, the two men glared at the other before realizing how strong Rey’s sleeping medication was. Amidst the commotion of their previous argument and dropping her, Rey’s only reaction to her fall was a snort that broke the steady resonating sounds of her soft snores. The two men chuckled, humorously as they both stared down in amazement at her ability to remain in such a peaceful state.

“Wow,” Finn snorted whilst shaking his head in astonishment. “She’s out.”

**

When Rey awoke the next morning on the folded-out futon, she could only withhold herself in comparison to feeling like one of those zombies on the television show The Walking Dead. Well, not so much as the notion of having her entrails dragging behind her in the dirt but more along the lines of feeling like she’d been run over by a Mac truck in her Suburban, and received a severe case of whiplash as result.

It hadn’t been the first time she’d fallen asleep on the horrid piece of old fashion furniture in precedence to taking her insomnia medication too early in the evening, and she was more than certain that she hadn’t felt this much like shit afterward.

Thankfully, it was nothing that a scalding shower of hot water couldn’t handle to help further ease the ache from the prominent stiffness in her neck and shoulders. She almost regretted the decision of hindering the ache from her muscles when it could’ve easily overshadowed the indiscernible wound in her chest when she found herself standing along the front walkway of the awe-inspiring Cape Cod that Poe had bought for them.

Its slate grey siding with dividing porch columns and shingles on the roof were heavily offset by the white pillars placed purposely on the cement columns. The porch’s white-trimmed railing served along beautifully with the patio’s white flooring and matching trim around the house’s exterior, and around the windows and doorframe.

Instead, it only managed to serve as an unwarranted memory on top of the staggering list of things she’d rather just shove into the alcove of her thoughts. Nostalgia came crashing over her like a violent tidal wave, taunting her in the cruelest of ways what she could’ve been doing right now instead of regarding her unforeseeable future as a lowly spectator.

For starters, Rey easily imagined herself working in the tear-shaped garden that veered off from the porch’s front steps and lined the main walkway. She would’ve planted smaller shrubs along the back half of the garden with a few ferns at the end that widened. Then, she would’ve planted an assortment of perennials (especially daisies) to provide a hearty dash of color to the small patch. Maybe she would’ve added a birdbath somewhere in there as well.

She could easily see herself sitting on the porch’s swing stationed to the far right of the veranda, painting for hours on end during days while Poe was away on travel: specifically, of the birds and other living aspects of nature that the garden would’ve attracted.

But now – now those imaginings were merely considered to be as worthless as the dirt that had been swept under the front door mat that read Home Sweet Home. Swallowing the apparent lump that had formed in the back of her throat, Rey reached into the primordial metal mailbox by the front door where the spare key had been kept until the initial move-in day.

Upon opening the door, she was instantly greeted with the prominent smell of the freshly painted, white walls. Smiling eloquently, she regarded how bright and clean the main sitting space looked along with the chestnut hardwood flooring that had only a full-length couch and loveseat to cover it.

The interior was brightly illuminated by the late morning sun’s warm natural lighting, shining through the windows. As the reality behind her current state began to settle, her trivial smile gradually began to waver into a flat line at the sentimentally, yet seemingly stupid thought that she’d never gotten the chance to put curtains up.

The unwarranted reminder prompted the need to get what she came for initially and leave. At first, she planned to pack a few of the things that remained of hers, but like everything else that had once fallen victim to her procrastination, it could definitely wait another day. Now, all she needed was to find any and every bank statement of Poe’s, hoping that they could provide some answers as to what this secret high-dollar investment account had been created for.

Making her way through the living room there was a small nook - just before the archway that led directly into the kitchen - that consisted of a built-in countertop and drawers with a set of cupboards stationed just above that they planned on using as an office space.

Just before Rey had the chance to make it that far over the main room’s threshold, something in the bedroom positioned off from the bungalow’s main sitting area caught her attention from her peripheral.

Furrowing her brows, she blinked rapidly in confusion as she paused at the bedroom’s doorway with a steady hand placed on the entrance’s framework. Leisurely, she made her way into the room with narrowed eyes, regarding the unmistakable sleeping form of Ben Solo.

For a brief moment, she considered the fact that maybe her eyes were simply playing tricks on her. Because why in the hell would Ben, of all people, be sleeping here when Boulder had more than enough hotels to accommodate him? But her momentary state of denial was quickly proven false as she drew closer to the bedside.

A tiny, near non-existent voice in the back of her skull begged her to leave: to get what she had come for and return at a later date when he would surely be gone. At least, that was until her eyes betrayed her and insisted that she take in the shirtless, solid frame of muscle lying before her that was oblivious to her presence.

Ben was lying on his stomach with his arms enveloped underneath the pillow, which only allowed his head to be propped up slightly more than his shoulders. It allowed her to better make out the visible part of his face and consider how much different he appeared to be than when she last saw him a few days prior.

The subtle five o’clock shadow along his jawline made it blatantly obvious that it had been a few days since he last shaved. His ridiculously long eyelashes pressing along the upper half of his cheekbone gave his face a more youthful appearance, which had been half-shielded by the sporadic remnants of his dark locks, hanging messily over his face.

Reluctantly, her eyes daringly swept lower to his shoulders. His arms – fuck! His biceps alone were easily the size of her thighs. She hadn’t realized how true it was when people said that wearing black makes a person appear to be leaner until she’d seen him stripped bare of the former attire. She could easily see how his muscles bulged in shallow depths at the prominent crease where his arms bent at the elbows.

Her eyes remained disinclined to what her brain was willing them to do, and proceeded to roam further down his back. With a worried bottom lip she noticed how exceedingly pale and creamy his skin looked in comparison to the white cotton sheet underneath him, and how his broad frame narrowed slightly at the junction of his lower back and hips. Her eyes stopped and lingered a little longer than necessary where the top sheet draped loosely over his bottom half, leaving the grey elastic stripping of his boxer briefs in plain sight.

Her breathing hitched and her eyes widened when sudden realization dawned upon her what she had been doing. Her eyes blinked rapidly, forcing them from their momentary trans-like state as she brought herself back into a more sound state of mind. Her angst-ridden wonder quickly reverted into being subtly infuriated that he had to pick this place in particular to stay.

Deciding to ignore the part of her mind that insisted on leaving well enough alone, and leave him be Rey crossed her arms over her chest and cleared her throat, enhancing the implication behind its meaning as she made it louder than necessary to wake him.

Ben jerked awake at the sudden sound, alert that he was no longer alone in the house but not wholly awake enough for his mind to grasp the identity of the figure standing alongside the bed as her narrowed eyes bore like daggers into his.

Momentarily, all he could do was stare blankly at her familiarity before the veil of lethargy lifted from his mind, revealing exactly who it was that he was staring at. His sleep heavy eyes quickly grew wider as realization dawned on him that she – Rey – was actually here.

“Rey,” he breathed serenely.

“What are you doing here?” Rey inquired sharply. “This is Poe’s house! You have no right to waltz in here uninvited.”

Ben winced at the harshness behind her words. “I guess I deserve that,” he stated sluggishly. “I didn’t feel much like going home right away after – everything. So, Kes said that I could crash here for a few days while I was in town.”

Rey grimaced at the unwarranted reminder that the house was no longer hers. Even though Ben hadn’t meant for his words to hurt, she could feel the invisible dagger twist and prod deeper into her chest as if it were searching for any remaining of her heart that hadn’t been broken. 

Seeing Rey’s sudden change in demeanor, Ben shifted onto his side, facing her as he propped himself up on his elbow. The sheet lying haphazardly around his waist descended lower over his briefs, remaining unbothered of the fact that his entire upper body was now bare for her pleasurable viewing as his eyes were too focused with concern on hers.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ben pressed gently.

Rey’s eyes remained tediously focused on his: longer than she should’ve allowed them to be. No, I’m not okay, she wanted to say. As always, her pride won out over from expressing it. But then perhaps, it was also more along the lines of her being too focused on avoiding the temptation from sneaking a glimpse past the vicinity of his neckline.

Sighing heavily, Rey turned to amble towards the direction of where the designated office space was located. Wordlessly, she acknowledged his question by gesturing with her hand in the air as her other arm still clung to her torso.

“Why are you still here, anyway?” She muttered over her shoulder, only raising her voice loud enough for him to hear as she passed over the bedroom’s threshold, barely disappearing around the corner before she commented further. “I figured you would’ve been back in LA by now doing – whatever it is that you normally do.”

Like a teenager chasing after his newfound crush in the hallway at school, Ben flung the sheet off his legs to the side and clambered out of bed to follow her. On his way out, he leaned over for his jeans and shirt that were lying in a pile on the floor near the foot end of the bed. Although, the concept of dressing and walking had proven to be quite difficult as he nearly fell on his face a couple of times while pulling the pair of pants on and proceeded into the hallway with the t-shirt casually draping over his shoulder.

He saw Rey seated and hunched over in the Windsor chair at the trivial-sized office space; which, judging by the way she was searching through the cupboard with a firmly-pressed expression, she was clearly on a mission looking for something.

“Yeah, I was supposed to be actually.” He said finally, apprehensively in acknowledgment to her question as he leaned against the wall behind her with a bare shoulder. “I had a photoshoot that fell through, unfortunately. I guess the model got sick or something, I don’t know.” Ben added as he shrugged with indifference of the matter. “Thank God, anyway. The models can sometimes be more difficult to deal with than the executors that hire me. At least the fat-ass check that they cut at the end of the day evens out the ride to Hell.”

Rey glared at the unforeseen man behind her, clearly showing her annoyance that she wasn’t feeling as amused over Ben’s humor as he was. She cursed herself wordlessly, that her mouth was refusing to shut up and ignore him.

“You know, I never understood why he was friends with you.” Rey started as she continued her search through the cupboard, allowing the manila folders to pile up on the floor that didn’t consist of the documents that she was looking for. “You act like you don’t even miss him.”

Ben snorted, wryly. “Your aversion of me is somewhat bewildering. Considering, this is – what, the second time that we’ve met? And yet, you always act like I just killed your neighbor’s dog. Can you honestly tell me that this is solely based on one unfortunate mishap in a bathroom?”

“I know everything there is to know about you, Ben Solo.” Rey spat, keeping her attention focused on scavenging through the mounds of folders like she was on some grand, archaeological escapade through the deserts of the more southern states.

Ben arched a brow at her back, feeling the need to be humored furthermore he attempted to press his luck past the fact that she was still holding somewhat of a conversation with him. “Oh, you do? I would love to be enlightened of those facts: if that’s what they are.”

Rey groaned utterly at Ben’s excessive incite to stroke her irritation. Perturbed by his presence, she huffed out of pent up aggravation. Her back straightened in her seat as she snapped her attention towards his, readying herself to issue some sort of insensible remark.

It wasn’t until Rey opened her mouth and was forced to face him completely when she found herself abruptly silenced. Regarding the imploring look for an answer on Ben’s face, she realized she was completely incapable of conjuring any reasonable explanation as to why she hated him when there was nothing she could really be angry at him for – without seeming like an unsophisticated asshole that relied on the beliefs of others to make her own decisions.

He definitely wasn’t like the average ‘sweet talker’ that she had met over the years. Ben seemed much too awkward in that aspect. She could easily see that vulnerability in him by the way he carried himself with uncertainty. If Rey had to be honest, the longer she thought about it she came to realize that maybe – maybe – there was something more underneath those shallow layers than what she initially thought.

Frowning, Rey found herself regrettably, redirecting the frustration towards herself rather than at the refrigerator of a human looming behind her. Begrudgingly, the seemingly vacant look in her eyes shifted into something far more expressive as her gaze descended from Ben’s face to his chest. Momentarily, Rey became mesmerized with the subtle flaws that his moles added to his skin and thwarted her mind from searching for plausible answers to his question.

Her jaw fell lax as Rey’s eyes flickered over the prominent bulk of muscles on his chest, and the impressive lines that defined his abs. Her gaze descended further towards the evident jut of his hipbones that appeared v-shaped, disappearing into the waistline of his jeans along with the dark hair trailing from his navel.

“Rey?”

Rey felt her muscles shudder and her eyes blinked at hearing his low voice. Her eyes quickly diverted back towards his quizzical gaze as he was still waiting, patiently for an answer. She scowled at the feeling of her cheeks flush pink in regards to what she’d inadvertently been doing. Jesus Rey, you act like you haven’t seen a half-naked man before!

Sighing heavily in defeat, her hardened expression on her face softened as she quickly returned to the original task that had been at hand. “Don’t you have a shirt or something that you could put on?” She mumbled; desperately trying to gain an ounce of dignity back that she’d lost in that momentary lapse of unwarranted gawking.

Ben smirked. His eyes remained on Rey for a moment longer before he acquiesced to her request by finally, pulling the plain grey shirt on that had been lazily draping over his shoulder. Feeling curious as to what she was looking for, he joined her at her side in a few short steps and knelt down next to her.

“What are you looking for, anyway?” He inquired as he reached for one of the manila envelopes piled in front of the open cupboard door.

Rey pursed her lips and swiftly smacked his knuckles with her fingertips; only hard enough for him to recoil back from the pile of credentials. “If you insist on staying around here – then don’t touch anything.” She chided. “Think you can handle that, Mr. Yummy?”

Ben grimaced at the nickname he’d inadvertently acquired. “Rey, I swear I didn’t know you were there.”

Rey snorted, choosing to ignore that particular topic. “Anyways, not that it’s any of your business, really.” She started but paused briefly as she promptly discovered the folder containing all of Poe’s banking records. Her heart fluttered inside her chest. Now that she had them she began to wonder if she really wanted to know what was in them. As always, her curiosity insisted on moving forward. “But if you must know, Poe has statements from a rather large investment account that are missing. I’m just not sure if they’re in here or not.”

Ben’s eyes immediately flickered from the pile of folders towards Rey. His jaw clenched along with the feeling of the annoying nerve that twitched in his neck when nervous. “Do you know what it’s for?”

Rey chewed her bottom lip in thought as her eyes roamed over the dozens of numerical characters on the papers in front of her. Furrowing her brows, she swallowed thickly as her eyes rose to meet his. Realization over how he had spoken to her finally brought her mind up to speed with her thoughts, alerting that tiny voice of reasoning at the back of her mind that Ben knew something that she didn’t. She began to wonder if she really wanted to know the answer in the soft, dabbles of honey that speckled his dark brown eyes.

“No,” Rey replied hesitantly. “Do you?”

Ben considered her inquiry, but not without realizing how beautiful she was until he’d finally allowed himself to. Briefly, within the rare moment of being so close to her, he regarded how the room’s warm lighting allotted the subtle trail of freckles over her cheeks and nose to show through the dark tint of her sun-kissed skin. His eyes trailed over her face, settling upon her eyes that were a soft, misty shade of hazel. Only then did he discover the fleeting glimmer of fear behind them, pleading with him not to tell her if it was bound to break her even more than she already was.

Goddamn you, Dameron.

“No,” Ben admitted softly. “Believe it or not, Poe didn’t always tell me everything.”

Rey considered him. Whether Ben was telling the truth, or not she felt her emotions teeter between relief and disappointment. Perhaps, it was best even if it was the latter of his decision. As naïve as it sounded, she was happy with the notion that Poe was using the money as a wedding surprise rather than it being something that would’ve made her feel anything less.

“Okay,” Rey said in that of a heavy sigh. Her eyes trailed away from Ben’s as she moved to put the manila folders back into the cabinet before rising from her seat, keeping the desired folder secured in her grip. “I should be going anyway.”

Ben nodded, wordlessly trailing a few steps behind her to the front door whilst considering something – anything to say while he still had the chance to talk to her.

“I, um -,” Rey started. Stopping at the door, her hand gripped the doorknob as she turned back to face him. “I’ll probably be back tomorrow morning sometime. I have some things here that need to be moved into storage. I mean, if you’re not busy that is...”

Acknowledging the flutter in his chest at the thought of being able to see her again, Ben offered her a crooked smile in reassurance. “I’ll be here.”

Rey’s mouth fell agape; as if she had more words to add but promptly closed it for save. Instead, she allowed a corner of her mouth to curve up into a hesitant smile: small enough for Ben to see that she had heard him and accepted his silent offer.

What Rey didn’t realize was that the smile still lingered long after she left.


	5. Chapter 5

One box down. One more to go. I can do this.

It hadn’t been the first time Rey muttered the last four words to herself that morning. Those simple words had become rather encouraging to help her get through the simplest of tasks: like tearing another strip off the roll of Scotch’s packaging tape to seal yet, another cardboard box shut.

With every sound of the sticky adhesive tearing from the roll, Rey felt a piece of her heart go along with it, encouraging that proverbial lump in the back of her throat to expand even more in circumference. As Ben carried each box away to the back of her Suburban, Rey had to force her eyes to look away as it served only as a needless reminder of why her life had turned upside down.

After what should’ve been considered to be a pathetic exchange of saying ‘hello’ after her arrival that morning, she and Ben hadn’t said more than two words to the other within a ten-minute time span. Oddly enough the sound of Ben’s deep voice, breaking the prolonged silence became somewhat comforting to distract her from her thoughts: even if it was rather brief.

Regardless of them working in companionable silence for the last hour or so, Rey somewhat began to welcome his company. It felt unorthodox, really, for her to admit such a thing when she had spent the last six years loathing him in silence. Strangely enough, she was grateful for him being there for the sheer fact that she wasn’t alone – although she didn’t dare speak the words out loud.

“Is this the last of them?”

At the sound of Ben’s subdued voice, Rey blinked from her trans-like state of staring at the three, medium-sized boxes stacked in a haphazard pyramid. She glanced up from her cross-legged position on the floor in front of the small designated office space to acknowledge Ben towering above her. Seeing him made her realize it had been the first time since her arrival that Rey allowed her eyes to meet his.

Within that moment Rey realized that Ben had actually taken the initiative to shave that morning. His once five o’clock shadow had been replaced with that of a clean-cut face, revealing the trivial amount of beauty marks that blemished his right cheek and underneath his lower jaw. His hair was significantly smoother, silkier even that further enhanced how the layers of his hair fell around his face.

And damn it, it never failed to aggravate Rey, even more, when she subconsciously mulled over how handsome he was.

He’s a womanizer, Rey. She reprimanded. Being attractive is what they do best and allowing them to get into your head is the next step. Even then she had to admit that Ben’s acute awkwardness seemed far off from that of a typical sweet-talker; which only made it that much harder for her to ignore him altogether.

Rey fluttered her lashes, acknowledging that she had been gawking once again while Ben waited with a surprising amount of patience for her to answer. His ability to amaze her every time had become consequentially, impressive. If he had ever been annoyed with her inability to acknowledge his presence after what seemed like five minutes of Rey staring at him, Ben never showed it.

“Oh, um,” Rey glanced at the open cabinet door next to her. Silently, she regarded the number of manila files and binders remaining in the small space to anticipate how many boxes would be needed. “No, there’s one more coming.”

Acknowledging her with a silent nod, Ben knelt down to properly stack and lift all three of the boxes with surprising ease. What Rey had managed to cram into each one they may as well have contained bricks instead of paper. Seeing Ben lifting them effortlessly, and how the muscles in his biceps flexed to accommodate their weight became as equally, impressive as that of his patience.

Begrudgingly, the notion that Rey had allowed this gawking to become a reoccurring offense was starting to piss her off, bar none. In fact, she was now relying on fidgeting with her engagement ring to remind her that Ben had also been Poe’s best friend.

Scowling in disgust with herself, Rey forwarded her attention to the broken-down box that was left. With a little more aggression than necessary, Rey pulled its flaps out and nearly slammed them back down, purposely shaping it into packaging form to seal the bottom shut with another strip of tape.

Rey stacked the remaining articles of cardstock into it, discovering along the way a photo album that she failed to have noticed before. Hesitating at first, Rey took it from the cabinet’s bottom shelf. The leather’s navy-blue edges appeared to be worn from being mishandled and dropped one too many times with an embossed, gold frame outlining its front cover.

With a glimmer of wonder in her eyes, Rey believed it to have been opened maybe once before. As the stiffness of the relatively new spine creaked opened, she took in the first page’s singular column of photographs that were placed into protective sleeves.

Her eyes lit up as she proceeded to look through the newfound collection of images. Despite their faded coloring from age, Rey immediately recognized the toddler boy with black curls to be Poe and the more youthful appearances of his parents, Kes and Shara.

While regarding the memories that had been frozen in time on paper, Rey realized that she couldn’t recall having an album of her own to go through. In fact, not once could she recollect her parents taking any pictures of her.

Then again, she had been five-years-old when they died so that vagueness had to be taken furtively with a grain of salt. It wasn’t like her uncle would’ve allowed her to keep such personal keepsakes, anyway. They most likely would’ve ended up in the trash as her personal art had surely headed: it’s just the sort of dick that Plutt was.

As Rey dove deeper into the collection of images she watched the boy’s appearance gradually shift into the familiarity of Poe’s teenage years. She instantly recognized the familiar, youthful faces of Hux and Finn during the trio’s early days of fly fishing together.

As expected, Poe was wearing his favorite fisherman’s hat that he had worn faithfully; which had been personalized with a couple of his favorite fishing lures. Each boy was proudly holding up their captured trout on display to whoever had been operating behind the camera lens.

While Rey continued sorting through the pages, she paused at the first photographed image of Poe and Ben at the Dameron’s household. Both were wearing large grins that easily, lit up the room’s interior as their smiles carried up to their eyes.

Rey smiled as she regarded Ben’s distinct facial features during his youth: having ears that enhanced the fact that the rest of his body hadn’t quite caught up with his gangly arms and legs. Despite the significant detail in which Ben significantly towered above Poe in height, Rey almost considered them to be brothers with them both having dark, curly hair.

As the years progressed throughout the photos, Rey realized that the nature of their proclaimed kinship hadn’t changed: both unafraid to express themselves with stupid facial expressions and the occasional flipping off the unforeseen person behind the camera. Slowly, she began to realize that she hardly ever saw Poe look so at ease with her.

So, what if she may have rolled her eyes a little excessively at Poe’s attempts to tell lame jokes? Or insist that he was being immature during times she tried to hold a serious conversation with him?

Then again, Rey only had herself to depend on when she was at their age. Unfortunately, those unfortunate circumstances in life made a person mature more rapidly than those who had others around that cared enough about them.

As Rey progressed throughout the album, her eyes always managed to become fixated on Ben’s. The more they managed to captivate her attention Rey became more aware of the fact that he appeared to attain the eyes of an old soul. It was the same sort of mellow tenderness that she saw within him at the funeral, but the closer she looked she began to see a subtle amount of sadness and confliction.

Rey also noticed that Ben had outgrown his difference in properly-sized proportions into the broad, muscular frame of the man she knew. He was standing next to Poe at what must’ve been their high school graduation with their designated caps and gowns, leaning with his elbow propped upon Poe’s shoulder in a goading sort of stance.

Rey slid the photograph out from its protective sleeve with purpose and closed the album to place it into the cardboard container with the rest of her belongings. She took a final glance to ensure that everything within the small cabinet space had been held accounted for before securing it shut for storage.

Tentatively, she tested the weight to confirm it wasn’t necessarily too heavy for her to carry out as she then, proceeded to join Ben on the front porch.

Ben was just ascending the last step of the porch’s small staircase when Rey greeted him with a weak smile. His face mirrored her expression in return. Feeling apprehensive as to how he wanted them to part ways, Ben shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as if he didn’t have a clue what to do with them.

“So, that’s everything then,” Ben affirmed softly.

Rey nodded and worried her bottom lip. “I have something for you.”

Ben regarded her with hesitation as he watched Rey settle the box within her grasp on the deck’s wooden flooring. She gestured her hand out to offer Ben the photo, hoping that he didn’t notice her hand shaking with unwarranted nervous tension. “I found it in Poe’s belongings. I figured that you might want it.”

A look of surprise rippled across Ben’s face. He definitely hadn’t expected Rey to give him anything that was Poe’s. When his eyes settled upon the photograph in her hand Ben’s flabbergasted expression quickly faded into one that was more solemn. He shifted slightly on his feet before finally, accepting the image from her grasp.

“Thank you.”

Rey could easily make out the pain tinting his voice as Ben regarded the image closer; perhaps, most likely reliving whatever memories that were rendering within the frozen moment of his past. Frowning, she began to wonder if she had only made a mistake. “I understand if you don’t want it…”

“No, it’s okay.” Ben quickly added for reassurance. “I really do appreciate it. It’s just that I haven’t seen this since my mother took it after our high school graduation. It was…just a few months before I left.”

Rey scoffed, recalling the brief moment in which Leia had mentioned the passing of her late husband in their conversation from a few days earlier. Allowing Ben’s words to soak into her thoughts, Rey couldn’t help but feel like she had involuntarily made old wounds of his past resurface.

“It was because of your father, wasn’t it?” Rey whispered tenderly.

Ben’s eyes flickered from the photograph to Rey’s and nodded. Within that fleeting moment of eye contact, she could easily see how hard he was trying not to show how much the reminder hurt. She almost took that as her queue to leave: better to go now before she managed to stir up any more demons lingering in the past. But as quickly as the thought came on Rey managed to reconsider.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she ambled silently to the porch swing. Pressing her lips in thought, she sat down with one leg folded under her and allowed the other to drape over the seat’s edge with the toe of her Converse shoe pressed to the ground. “What happened?”

Ben sighed apprehensively, placing the photo in a back pocket of his jeans he tentatively, took a seat next to her as the swing’s metal chains groaned under the excessive added weight.

Ben was close enough to her that the denim of his jeans, covering his outer thigh was now flesh against her knee; whether she minded being this close to him or not, Rey didn’t show it. The only change she made in position was pivoting her torso to better face him. Her left elbow draped loosely over the swing’s back. 

Furrowing his brows, Ben leaned forward with his elbows resting stiffly on his knees and his hands clasped together. He took a breath as he began to dive into memories that had been purposely, abandoned, and left long forgotten. 

“My father was once a General in the U.S. Military as was my grandfather. And with my mother also, being in the high social end of politics I guess you can say that when I made the decision to pursue a career in photography they weren’t necessarily thrilled. More or less it was my father who considered it not ‘ideal enough’ to have a son steer away from a family legacy.”

Rey frowned at his profound cynicism. “But you are successful within the field, are you not?”

Ben nodded. “Of course, but at the time he considered it a dead-end career. They preferred something that was more stable. My mother warmed up to the idea, eventually. But my father – it only made the initial fact that we hardly ever saw eye-to-eye even worse than it was.” Ben clenched his jaw, acknowledging the tightness in his chest with a noticeable grimace for the topic that he was about to broach. “Anyways, a few months after graduation, my father and I had another argument about possible colleges for me to attend: I wanted to go to UCLA and he wanted me to stay in Boulder. Things became – heated. Fast. We both ended up saying things that shouldn’t have been said. So, I left for Poe’s to blow off some of the steam. An hour later, my mother called to tell me that my father had had a heart attack. And the rest – well, I think you already know.”

Rey felt her heart sink upon hearing his admission. For a brief moment, she couldn’t help but harbor a need to reach out to him, and not that of sorts that were usually spoken. She was so close to him now where if she wanted to she could touch him, run her fingers through his hair and ensure him that she understood the essence of events in his past. But the thought seemed too intimate, and the more she resisted that inexplicable pull towards him appeared to only intensify.

“Is that why you stayed here?” she whispered; realizing the possible reason for not wanting to stay with his mother. 

Ben nodded, keeping his eyes focused on his hands that were still clasped together.

“But – Finn and Hux, you’re friends with them, right? I’m surprised they didn’t offer you -.”

“They did ask me, Rey.” Ben interrupted gently, redirecting his solemn gaze towards hers.

Rey felt her muscles recoil at his abrupt change in focus. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to her, really. Now that she had taken the time to know a little more about Ben’s history, she couldn’t help but feel a subtle sense of guilt.

Ben swallowed heavily. “Finn mentioned it to me after the funeral procession, but I told him that I was already staying somewhere else.”

“Did you say that because of…you know – what happened?” Rey inquired hesitantly.

Ben nodded; his expression mirroring hers. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable after – everything. So when Kes offered for me to stay here I figured that it would be best.”

He hadn’t been wrong there. Rey definitely would’ve put up a protest if she had to be under the same roof – again – with the man she’d inadvertently witnessed fucking a cocktail waitress at her fiancé’s funeral. It became suddenly more obvious that they both had their own ways of dealing with Poe’s passing. For reasons unknown, Rey acknowledged the guilt taking over her conscience as she found herself expressing her thoughts before her brain had a chance to even compute what her mouth was saying.

“I don’t mind if you were to stay with us, Ben. It’s not that I would’ve been uncomfortable: more or less embarrassed, really. So, if you still want to you can stay with us.”

Ben’s brows perked at her admission, taken aback. “I do, but do you want me to?”

Truthfully, Rey was just as equally surprised as Ben was with her abrupt change in heart. To answer his question, she simply nodded. “I know what it’s like to be alone when you don’t want to be.”

Ben cocked his head. His expressive eyes, imploring for her to elaborate furthermore on the topic without having to ask.

Rey’s shoulders shuddered as she took in a deep breath, feeling uncertain as to why she needed to open up to Ben when she had failed to do so with her own fiancé. “My parents died when I was five. I don’t remember much about them, honestly. The details are vague, unfortunately. All I remember is that they had an unshakable love for alcohol that caused them to wrap their car around a tree on the way home from the bar one night.”

Wincing at her unexpected brashness, Ben felt his heart sink at her words. How in the hell was he supposed to respond to an admission like that? At least, he had been able to have his parents for a majority of his life – even if times hadn’t been necessarily so simple between them.

“So,” Rey started, “afterward I went to live with my Uncle Plutt. Who was – well, not entirely pleasant to live with and had been less than accommodating, should I say. But I managed, and I promised myself that I would leave one day. And I did.”

Ben considered her momentarily. “Do you regret living here now?”

Rey shook her head. Offering him a weak smile, her eyes remained fixated on his. “No, and you should feel special that you’re the only person I’ve told that to.”

Ben’s felt his chest swell with pride that she found him worthy of entrusting him with something so fragile from her past when he had clearly been everything but deserving. It suddenly occurred to him that even though they shared a common history, regrettably there was so much lying between them that could only keep them apart.

It pained him to admit that he so ardently wished that it had been him that met her first, and not Poe. Perhaps, if he had decided to stay and face what had happened with his father then maybe – maybe things would’ve played out differently. He could’ve fallen for her properly under much lighter circumstances.

Fuck. He chided wordlessly to himself, realizing that he was absolutely, ridiculously head over heels for her when he shouldn’t be. A guy like him – and the person he’d chosen to become stood just about as much of a chance with her as a snowball’s chances of surviving in Hell.

“I do,” Ben stated lowly, not realizing that his eyes were glazed over with an indication of what his feelings were towards her.

Rey breathed shortly; purposely breaking their stare down to take her phone from the pocket of her shorts to check the time: it was nearly noon. “I should get going,” she stated almost apologetically. “I still have to take everything to storage and I had no idea that I had so much shit to bring back.”

Ben chuckled, being the first genuine laugh that Rey had managed to hear from him. “Alright, do you want any help with it?”

“I think I can manage it myself.” She stated frankly with a half-smile that still managed to reach her eyes. “And I’m sorry for boring you with my sob story earlier, but – it felt good to talk about it.”

Honestly, it did feel good to talk about the past. And while doing so Rey could also willfully admit that she felt remarkably ten times lighter for allowing herself to express the daunting memories that she’d been withholding for so long to someone other than harboring them like skeletons in a dark closet.

“It wasn’t boring to me,” Ben admitted softly. “And I think it’s safe to say that it was more than needed for both of us.”

Rey momentarily regarded the gentleness in his eyes. While she still considered him to be a man that was capable of upholding his disreputable reputation, Rey couldn’t deny the fact that he was also human with his own vulnerabilities. For that, she believed that what he said was true and genuine, and found herself perceiving him with newfound respect.

Regarding his prior words, Rey nodded with a knowing smile. “I’ll see you tonight then?” She inquired as she rose from the swing, making her way towards the box of files she’d sat on the ground prior to their earlier discussion. “If you’re still coming over that is.”

Ben fell in suit behind her to the porch’s top step, leaning with his shoulder against the stone framework of the stairway’s entrance. He rolled his lips together like he was thinking long and hard over what she said and nodded curtly. “Yes, I’ll see you tonight.”

Rey stood pondering over ways as to how she wanted to make her exit with their newly proclaimed – relationship? No, that term still seemed to be too heavy to use although they were bordering the edge of a steady friendship now.

A hug: definitely no – at least not yet anyway.

A handshake: that was much too awkward and so juvenile in a ‘high school age’ sort of way.

Rey settled for a contented smile and left with a simple ‘bye.’ She seemed to have been doing that a lot lately whenever she was around Ben: smiling. The thought seemed daunting at first, but now – it was a nice change from all the crying that she had done.

When Rey was in her Suburban, driving halfway down the short stretch to the stop sign at the end of the street she heard that tiny voice in her head to look back. It was the same voice she heard when she was leaving her uncle’s flat in London.

Only this time, Rey looked up in her rearview mirror and saw what that little voice had wanted her to see. Ben was leaning on the porch’s stone wall with his forearms, watching her leave in the most longing sort of way.

For some inexplicable reason, Rey was glad that she listened to that voice.

**

“Do you want some cheese on your burger, Rey?” Finn called over his shoulder, flipping over another beef patty on the grill with the spatula in his hand.

The words flowed through one ear and out the other like an open-air duct as Rey sat upon the picnic bench’s tabletop in their backyard. Her knees were pressed together with her feet angled inward on the bench seat below, staring down with narrowed eyes at the printed numerical digits on Poe’s bank statements.

“You’re not going to believe this,” Rey said in absolute disbelief, ignoring Finn’s question completely as she shuffled through the papers on her lap.

Curiosity piqued, Finn flipped over the last uncooked patty before joining her on the bench’s tabletop with the spatula remaining in hand. He leaned over slightly enough to better view the ridiculously small print that she was reading, settling his gaze on the numbers where Rey had her slender pointer finger positioned underneath the target of her statement.

“Poe had three-grand transferred from his bank account every month for the past four years,” Rey stated before Finn had the chance to fully process what he was seeing on his own.

Finn blinked, “Three thousand? Dollars?” He repeated, making sure that he had heard her correctly.

Rey nodded, “Yep, three thousand big ones.”

“And you don’t know the account that the money was being transferred to?”

“Nope,” Rey said frankly, smacking her lips from heavily enunciating the last letters of the word.

Finn chewed his inner cheek in thought as Rey huffed with a heavy sigh. She considered asking Hux, who was busy cooking up baked beans in the kitchen, but instantly considered the attempt to be futile as Hux had been just as much in the dark as she was when he was initially questioned about Poe’s rather large investment account.

“I have no idea, Rey.” Finn stated apologetically as he stood from the spot next to her and returned to his former task, fearing that their dinner would burn in his absence. “And we may never know what account it was, or what he was using it for.”

Rey sighed with newfound exasperation. She had tried brushing all thoughts of the secret account aside earlier after her morning while within Ben’s company. Surprisingly, he had been a welcoming distraction (whether she wanted to admit it or not) from the ongoing storm of questions within her mind.

Seeing the papers splayed out across the quilt on her bed when she returned from the storage shed that afternoon had only managed to spark that urge for her to continue the investigation.

Initially, she had been certain that the statements were only leading her to another dead end. After sorting through two years-worth of papers she soon discovered a leading source of evidence but frowned when she saw that there still remained a missing link as to where the money was going, and why.

“Oh, Rey, I forgot to mention that Solo texted me earlier this afternoon,” Finn stated, interrupting Rey from her thoughts. “Apparently he’s still in town and said something about staying here for a little bit.”

I know is what Rey should’ve said. She’d neglected to mention the trivial detail to Finn and Hux that she had spent a good portion of the morning that day with Ben. Not to mention that she had also willfully, poured out her deepest secrets to him rather than conveying to her closest friends that were her roommates for the last year.

Truthfully, Rey knew said roommates well enough to consider that they undoubtedly, would’ve made a bigger ordeal over the fact that she’d been alone with Ben for a considerable amount of time than what should’ve been necessary. Especially, since she also failed to mention that she knew Ben had still been in town from her encounter with him the day before.

Considering such logistics had also brought the notion to her attention that Finn most assuredly would’ve scolded her like a parent would their teenager for hanging around the pronounced bad boy at school.

Maybe the situation wasn’t as complicated as what it appeared to be unspoken, but Rey had had enough of things being complicated as it was without unnecessary reprimanding. With that being said, she may have unwittingly begun digging herself into a hole.

“Oh?” Rey inquired with that of artificial ignorance, glancing up through her eyelashes towards Finn whilst keeping her face down toward the documents in her lap.

“You don’t mind?” Finn inquired with an arched brow, surprised at her indifference when she had always shown such distaste towards Ben in the past.

Rey shrugged, “I have no reason to, really.”

Finn’s mouth opened to question further about her sudden change in heart, but quickly disregarded it to offer a few unwarranted words of advice. “Well, if he gives you any problems just tell him to ‘fuck off.’ It’s what I always do when he starts to irk me, and he can be rather good at it: more so with women as you already know.”

Rey scoffed before issuing him a knowing look. “I think I can handle myself, Finn.”

“I’m just saying.” Finn stated in defense, waving his hand in the air as an offhanded gesture to the broached subject. “I know how Ben can be at times. I just don’t want you to get suckered into anything with him.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Okay dad. I didn’t realize I was thirteen again, but whatever. I think you forgot that I was also engaged to his best friend not more than two weeks ago. You can rest assure that nothing will be happening between us.”

Finn shrugged. “I’m just saying…” His words trailed off, considering the subject officially dropped.

Rey knew that Finn meant well, but his reaction only managed to confirm what she’d known to be true. She certainly couldn’t deny that this fragile friendship with Ben didn’t mean something to her. She just hoped that it wouldn’t eventually come back and bite her in the ass in the process.

After dinner that evening, Rey remained confined to her bedroom. Aside from the fact that she was already exhausted (mentally and physically), there was an unremitting pile of laundry that managed to get bigger with each passing day that was begging for her attention to be put away.

Just as Ben had promised, Rey heard the unmistakable sound of his voice, reverberating throughout the main room when he arrived at the house shortly after eight o’clock. Due to the fact that there weren’t any free bedrooms within the now full house, Ben faltered to accept the futon outside Rey’s bedroom as a newly proclaimed bedroom.

Despite the fact that the makeshift bed was already small for her size, Rey couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that it would be exceptionally too small for a person of Ben’s height.

Wordlessly, she admitted that she almost felt sorry for him – almost.

Managing to conquer the mound of laundry an hour later- and sleep lying heavily on her eyelids - Rey was folding up the last shirt from the pile when she glanced up to see Ben, comfortably seated in the living room’s loveseat with an unforeseen book in hand. Noticing that it wasn’t the book that managed to seize his attention, Rey wondered exactly how long he had been staring at her.

Both held the perpetual gazes of the other, waiting to see if either dared to break the sound of silence that was rendering between them. Apprehensively, Rey approached the doorway, nonchalantly glancing around the room to see if he was the only occupant and saw that Hux and Finn were blathering on about something incoherently in the kitchen.

Feeling relieved of the confirmation; Rey smiled warily at Ben. “Good night,” she whispered softly.

Before Rey slid the door shut to her room, concealing herself behind the frosty glaze of privacy glass on the door, Ben managed to return her words with that of a reminiscently low octave.

“Good night.”

**

_ Ding dong. _

_ Ding dong. _

_ Ding dong. _

The sound of text notifications came in sporadic spurts throughout the night. After what seemed like the fifth or so alert, Rey realized she’d begrudgingly forgotten to take her sleep medication before bed.

Feeling deliriously deprived of sleep, Rey perceived the fire angry red, numerical digits of the clock on her nightstand with heavy eyes that read 3:30 A.M. Rey whimpered into her pillow with frustration, realizing that she couldn’t take the medication now if she wanted to as she had planned on returning to work within the later incoming hours of the morning.

Ding dong.

Fuck! Rey heaved the comforting warmth of the quilt from her body, groaning with pent-up frustration she allowed her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness in the room. She shuffled her feet with vigilance across the hardwood flooring so as to not stub her toes on the bed frame, relying only on the dim lighting from the street light outside her window to find the resonating source from which the notifications were coming from.

The only plausible area of her room to search was the outmoded computer desk that was stationed along the wall across the foot of her bed as the only other furnishings near her bed: the bureau and nightstand. She immediately narrowed out the bureau drawers as she had spent the prior evening, rummaging through them whilst putting clothes away.

Pressing the switch to activate the harsh light of the desk lamp, Rey searched through the desk drawers with that of mere frantic determination to find and put an end to the unforeseen source.

Upon opening the desk’s narrow middle drawer, Rey found an outdated version of a Tracfone. Confusion rendered heavily at the center of her creased brows before she considered the thought that maybe she’d taken it from Ben’s belongings earlier by accident. She couldn’t recall having seen it before, but then it wasn’t as if she had made it a habit to search through the desk in prior times.

She pressed the device’s center home button, illuminating the screen to reveal that there were precisely 10 missed text messages. It’s definitely Ben’s, she muttered mutely to herself. More than likely it was one of the many women he’d been with previously, making a ritual late-night booty call.

Sliding the door to her room open, Rey perceived the familiar image of Ben sleeping, particularly on his chosen position of being on his stomach and his legs sprawled out on the too-small in size futon mattress. His feet easily, hung at least a foot over the makeshift mattress’ edge; however, judging by his soft snores he was obviously indifferent over the matter.

At least one of us is getting some sleep, Rey grumbled with a less than enthusiastic snort.

“Hey.” She stated sharply, intentionally jabbing a finger hard into Ben’s shoulder.

Nothing. Glowering hard at the fact that he remained undisturbed, Rey traded her nicer awakening to a harsh smack of her hand against his bicep.

Ben immediately jolted awake as his shoulder muscles flinched heavily in acknowledgment of Rey’s discretion. “What?” His voice heavy with lethargy, Ben was only able to make out the outline of her figure with his heavy-fatigued eyes.

Satisfied with her doing, Rey tossed the device onto his pillow before turning back towards her room. “Turn it off,” she demanded. “Or put it on silent so that one of us can get some sleep here.”

Reaching blindly for the object that Rey was referring to, Ben narrowed his eyes to better perceive it before instantly, dropping it back to the mattress. “It’s not mine,” he confirmed gruffly.

Rey scoffed and turned abruptly on her heel to face his general vicinity. “Then whose is -.” Her words cut off instantly, rendering a heavy moment of silence as Rey realized that she no longer needed Ben to tell her the answer. It was Poe’s. Instantly, she could feel the color begin to drain from her cheeks.

Ben’s wary eyelids instantly grew wide-eyed as the same initial realization dawned upon him. “You know, come to think of it I think it is mine.” He casually remarked. Quickly reaching again for the phone, Ben nearly managed to grab it before Rey practically flung herself across the short distance, beating him to it.

“I know whose it is,” Rey stated as a matter of fact, gripping the phone tightly within her grasp. Ignoring the sounds of Ben scrabbling up from the mattress with determination to reach her, she turned to go back into her room before he managed to seize hold of her wrist.

“Rey.” His voice heavily enunciated his desperation for her to listen. Rey turned abruptly to meet what she could see of Ben’s insistent gaze; her piercing eyes heavily exerting resentment.

Ben swallowed thickly as his Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably within the enervated lighting. “If you don’t know whose it is for certain I’m begging you, Rey, please don’t read them.”

Rey’s hardened gaze failed to descend to anything less. “If you have any sensible amount of reasoning and respect for why I have to do this, you will let me go.”

Rey watched him intently, realizing as the seconds passed between them that it took every ounce of Ben’s resolve to let her go. His grip on her wrist fell slack as he stepped away and nodded. Defeated, he watched her disappear behind the door, feeling a surpassing amount of guilt welling up in his chest

**

Slumping down to sit on the edge of her mattress, Rey breathed out a shuddered sigh as she felt the superfluous wave of anxiety swell within her chest. The possible answers behind all of her days’ worth of questions were now only the click of a button away; yet, all she could focus on at the moment was how her skin burned where Ben had touched her. 

Tentatively, she rubbed her fingers over the wrist where his hand had been, acknowledging it as the skin being above the hand that was clutching the phone so hard her knuckles had turned white. She recalled the apparent desperation within the timbre of Ben’s voice, making it obvious that there was definitely something within those messages that he knew would hurt her.

Swallowing thickly, Rey glanced down at the device in her hand. Grazing her thumb in a circular motion over the home button to hide that her hand was shaking uncontrollably, she considered the fact that all she needed to do was press it to access the information that had conveniently become allotted for her to see. But once again the question had risen within her mind if she was truly ready to see what she needed to know.

Momentarily, she chewed on the thumbnail of her free hand before ultimately, deciding that now was the time. She needed this moment of clarification to put every daunting thought to rest no matter how hard it stung.

Holding her breath, Rey activated the screen to bring up the inventory of messages that had been apparently, collecting throughout the previous day. Her eyes trailed down the screen, seeing that some of them had arrived during hours in which no one had been home to answer – until now.

Taking a breath, Rey opened the first message that had arrived the previous day at precisely 11:15 AM, marking it as the exact time in which she had been with Ben. As her eyes treaded through the messages Rey began to wish that she had listened to him.

> **\- (323) 555-7856 11:15 A.M. –**
> 
> _ Hey Poe, are you there? _
> 
> _ Hey. So, my landlord is kinda harping on me over here. Please call me when you can. _
> 
> _ This isn’t funny, Poe! Why aren’t you answering?? _
> 
> _ You know what?! Whatever! _
> 
> _ You’re the one who wanted to play ‘Mr. I’ll take care of everything’ so F-you, sugar daddy! F-you! _

Rey didn’t make it through the library of messages before she felt the overwhelming urge to throw it against the wall and smash it to pieces. Unfortunately, that momentary rage was replaced with curiosity that was surely about to rub the salt even further into her already gaping wound.

The overwhelming sense of dread began swelling within the pit of her stomach as Rey pressed the phone number to call back the unknown sender. It promptly went to voicemail, but as the recording began to play the suggestive, yet sweetly, innocent sound of a woman’s voice on the receiving end Rey began to feel that familiar feeling of tears burning the backs of her eyes.

“You know what I need! So, go ahead and give it to me.”


	6. Chapter 6

The serenity that small towns offered in exchange for the hustle and bustle of bigger cities was something that Ben had completely forgotten. After spending much of his life being Hell-bent on getting out of Boulder it only took a willing second for him to realize deep down, that he actually missed the small-town life – despite the memories that it withheld.

Boulder was a place where if one could only allow their senses to stretch beyond the aromas, stemming from local cafes and diners down the shopping precinct on Pearl Street, they may be lucky enough to catch the faint smell of fresh pine drifting through the breeze from fir trees far off in the distance. It was indisputably, a nice change from the burning odors of car exhaust that immersed in the dense smog of LA’s atmosphere.

Having spent nearly a decade, catering to the demanding schedule of his career and enduring the vivacious city life, Ben began to rediscover what it was like to live life on the down-low within his hometown: a change of pace that he didn’t realize he needed until now.

All of which he was able to take into consideration from his chosen seat at the high-rise table, specifically next to a single dogwood tree on the patio of Centro Mexican Kitchen to wait for his mother’s arrival.

Other than having seen Leia at the funeral, it appeared reasonable enough when Ben agreed to meet her for dinner. Considering, that it had been years since they’d carried on a suitable conversation with one another, specifically face-to-face.

Having avoided answering Leia’s calls and texts during time away from photo shoots it felt lamentable that their long-awaited reunion had been at a funeral; which had also been very brief at the time given the misfortunate circumstances.

It never occurred to Ben that he’d unwittingly chosen the restaurant they attended together on rare occasions as a family until he pressed ‘send,’ replying back to Leia’s message later on that morning.

Envious of happy families that were crowding the walkways around him, Ben’s thoughts settled on times where Han had been home on leave and Leia hadn’t been entirely entangled in work-related affairs. Those always stemmed enough cause for celebration of its own if he derisively supposed.

More so the evenings where arguments failed to spike between his mother and father – even between himself and Han as Ben grew older; which had become rarer over time as Han always managed to stroke Ben’s developing, short-fused temper.

Gradually, with time the restaurant became the retreat for family outings, simply for its unique charm in setting: strands of white lights draped over the steel beams of the business’ exterior awning and over the bar window that overlooked the patio. Rows of pumpkin-orange umbrellas, matching the exterior paint of the building’s spackle provided limited shade along the patio’s iron fencing where baskets hung embossed with red geraniums.

Most importantly, to young Ben, it all set the eatery apart from the typical fast food joints (like Taco Bell and McDonald’s) in which he endured continuously over the years while stuck with a babysitter after school that couldn’t cook something as simple as mac n’ cheese.

Feeling his phone vibrate inside the pocket of his pant leg, Ben reached for it to acknowledge the message from the unforeseen sender that hindered his thoughts from familial remembrances.

> **\- Mom 7:30 P.M –**
> 
> _Running late. Be there in a few. Sorry!_

Ben snorted, carelessly tossing the phone to the tabletop with an unwarranted, heavy thud from the iPhone’s protective Otterbox case.

Time certainly hadn’t changed since his mother announced her retirement from public service. He couldn’t begin to recollect the countless times and hours he’d spent waiting up for her to come home from work. He wasn’t surprised to see that now hadn’t become any different.

Always waiting.

“Hey there, I’m Hera and I’ll be your server this evening. What can I get you to drink, hun?”

Ben glanced up from the device he’d inadvertently been staring at for the last few seconds before the waitress’s arrival. Looking to be not much older than he was in age, her voice was soft and kind, but that’s as far as he went in regards to how she looked appearance-wise. That area of his mind seemingly became reserved for one woman that hadn’t managed to leave his mind.

“Just water is fine,” Ben said respectably, gesturing with his head towards the empty chair across from him where he presumed his mother would be sitting. “I’m expecting someone else, but you can bring iced tea for her.”

The waitress smiled and nodded before taking her leave. “Will do, handsome.”

Remaining indifferent to the server’s flirty behavior it was the first time that Ben could admit that no other woman managed to capture his undivided attention except Rey; which, oddly enough it had been something that no other woman managed to accomplish.

After his body somehow caved back into sleep and waking hours later in the morning to an empty house it was unfortunate to admit that he hadn’t seen Rey since the wee early hours that day before she disappeared within the privacy of her bedroom. Begrudgingly, it took every ounce of his self-control not to pull her back into his arms, and not let her go.

He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for inadvertently playing a part in what led her then-boyfriend into the arms of another woman: one he had known about for years.

More than anything he wanted to tell Rey that she deserved better than the cards she’d been dealt; however, his words over that particular topic probably wouldn’t have amounted to much in the long run anyway. And it wasn’t like he was capable of blaming her either.

Regardless, how Rey chose to respond to him from here on out, Ben only hoped that she would find someone who would flourish her with the love that she deserved; even if it excluded every chance of him being the one to do so. It was hard to admit such a thought when he so badly wanted to be that person, and even more frustrating that he’d allowed it to get this far to harbor such feelings.

Having to force all thoughts of his and Rey’s relationship stance aside momentarily, Ben regarded the familiar face of his mother making her way through the crowd of people towards their meeting spot.

He stood when she approached, accepting her gesture of welcoming him into a loving embrace. At least, the best that he was able to do since he easily towered over her.

“Hi mom,” he stated warmly.

“I’m so glad that you were able to make it tonight, Ben,” Leia replied with a warm smile as she cupped her hands to his cheeks.

“Yeah, me too,” he affirmed; feeling the corners of his mouth quirk into a smile the gesture made Ben feel like he had been sent back to being five-years of age again. Not that he could blame her, really. Having been the only child it only seemed proper that he allowed her this moment of maternal affection.

“You look good. It appears that California has been good to you since you’ve been gone.” Leia said as they both took to their unassigned, designated chairs across from the other as the server returned with their drinks.

“Are we ready to order?” Hera asked through a smile as per the usual server routine, having a small notepad in hand with a pen lightly grasped in the other.

Ben’s brows perked towards his mother as if to ask her the same question, seeing her acknowledging both him and Hera with a nod. It never took much for them to deliberate over the menu, considering they ordered the same food dishes every time they ate there.

“I’ll take the Caesar salad -,” Leia narrowed her eyes briefly to acknowledge the name on their server’s name tag on her shirt, “Hera.”

Ben curtly cleared his throat, “I’ll have the enchiladas suiza.”

Hera nodded; acknowledging their orders as she quickly jotted them down. “I’ll have everything right out to you.” Her eyes lingered a little longer on Ben before taking her leave.

Leia rolled her eyes at that with a humored snort. “So, California – it’s been a long time since you filled me in on how your career with photography is going.”

“It pays well if that’s what you’re asking,” Ben replied; perhaps, a little more wryly than he intended it to be.

Leia’s issued him a firm look after having a tasting sip of her tea. “Cut the cynical bullshit, Ben. You know we’ve been past that for some time now.”

Ben’s grimaced at the notion. He had known without a doubt that she was right, but it was what the conversation always led up to that he preferred to avoid from discussing the topic any further; however, he opted with apprehension to oblige her. “It’s strenuous at times, depending on the set timeframe needed by the executives for the turnaround period and there can be some long hours off camera. Other than that - it’s nothing new.”

Leia smiled knowingly, exerting the satisfaction of hearing his success through her eyes. “You know, your father may have been a little pig-headed about your life choices in the beginning. But I believe that he’d be proud of you right now.”

And there it is. Ben’s shoulder’s stiffened with a sharp intake of breath, having anticipated this conversation in the beginning.

“Can we not talk about him right now,” Ben insisted through a clenched jaw; meaning it as an austere statement than a question.

“You can’t keep blaming yourself for this, Ben,” Leia assured with a sigh. “Neither one of us could’ve prevented what happened no matter how you think it started.”

Yes, I could’ve, Ben wanted to retort. It was fruitless to press the notion further as he already knew the truth that Han’s condition had been long in the making, having suffered a massive heart attack.

Having been warned by a cardiologist after complaints of palpitations, Han always insisted he was just fine even though the signs of his condition were saying otherwise. He had been having frequent pains in his chest throughout his left arm and neck for some time; however, having always possessed a thick head and excessive pride he always countered with the more obvious logic of it being ‘indigestion or old age’.

The night that Ben was called to the hospital, he’d been so entirely focused on the fact that he and Han had expressed such harsh words prior to the heart attack, everything was muddled into a blur from there on out.

The doctors ruled the cause of death being due to an arrhythmia, or ventricular fibrillation in which the impulses from the heart’s lower chambers had been so erratic that there was no longer a way to prevent the inevitable.

Ben fixed a long look at his hands fidgeting in his lap, swallowing heavily. “I know.”

He came close to thanking their server for interrupting the conversation when she arrived to deliver their food. After ensuring that everything looked correct and inquiring whether anything else was needed, Ben was left to deal with deafening silence from his inability to acknowledge the floating details from the prior conversation. Thank God for food that was able to keep his mouth further occupied.

It was Leia that finally took the initiative to broach a new topic.

“By the way, I forgot to ask Finn and Armitage how Rey was doing when I saw them earlier this afternoon,” Leia admitted, daintily holding her knife and fork in hand as she cut up the long strips of grilled chicken in the salad into smaller pieces. “They mentioned that you were staying with them now?”

Ben nodded, having taken a bite of his food prior to her query he purposely shifted the lingering amount of sustenance to one side of his cheek. “Finn asked me yesterday, yes.”

“How’s Rey holding up? It’s been a few days since I last saw her. I know the poor dear was still having a hard time coping.”

Ben slowed on his chewing. Where his posture had been tenser with squared shoulders prior to the mentioning of Rey’s name, his shoulders fell noticeably laxer. Swallowing the remaining food down with a little extra exertion than needed, his expression became questionably wistful. “She’s…still dealing.”

Leia considered him with a long, pensive look. Judging by the calculating expression on her face, Ben realized without a doubt that she knew there was more to the story than what he’d been willing to mention.

Propping an elbow upon the table’s top with her fork still in hand, Leia articulated an arched brow at her son’s direction. “Well, it will surely take some time as I had told her; however, I’m happy to hear you guys are apparently getting along better now. How long are you planning on staying?”

Ben’s eyes flickered from his plate of food to briefly meet Leia’s. She never seized to make him feel like a child at the age of thirty. “I’m not sure yet,” he replied slowly.

Leia sifted mutely through the questions brewing within the forefront of her thoughts. She had always been able to read Ben like an open book. If her instincts were correct, now was the time for her to add her unwarranted two cents.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with where you’re staying now – does it?” Leia asked nonchalantly, cocking her head to the query.

Ben stayed silent whilst a grating nerve twitched in his eye. Swallowing heavily, he considered her with hesitant eyes before quickly shifting his stance to the defensive. “I’m not trying to do anything if that’s what you’re presuming.”

Leia snorted. “Uh-huh, I know you. And for God's sake, she just lost her fiancé, Ben. She doesn’t need anything complicated right now.”

Ben’s jaw tightened with resentment. “A fiancé that was too fucking blind to see what he had in front of him the entire time.”

“Damnit, Ben this isn’t about what you think, and neither is it any of your business what happened between her and Poe.”

Ben bit his cheek hard in thought; wincing at the abrupt sting since it’d been a little harder than intended. “He left me with no choice but to get involved,” he retorted sharply.

Leia sighed. “Look, whatever happened I’m sure it’ll pass with time. But please, don’t let your personal feelings get in the way and turn this into something that’ll just make it worse for you both.”

Ben took a breath, his tone falling softer. “It’s different with her. I just want to make sure she’ll be okay.”

Leia regarded him sympathetically. “I know that you mean well. And if it’s any consolation of the matter I did tell Rey that you’d be someone that she could talk to. Now, I almost regret it.”

Ben was taken aback. “What did she say?” Oblivious to how much he sounded like an insipid schoolboy.

Leia smirked, stabbing her fork into another chunk of chicken coupled with a few greens of lettuce. “It appears that it’s no longer relevant.”

A corner of Ben’s mouth twitched into a half-smile.

The remainder of their dinner consisted of lighter casual talk. Ben even took interest in asking how Leia was spending her spare time now that she had retired from the public firm. In return, he enlightened her more on life in the city. After what seemed like an hour of lingering past their empty plates, Ben hugged his mother and issued their goodbyes before parting ways for the evening.

The humid temperatures of the Colorado summer gradually shifted in descent to much more mild degrees. Making his way back to his rental Jeep Wrangler just down the road from the boulevard of shops, Ben stole the occasional glance at the large display windows - even if a majority of the merchandise failed to pique his interest.

Having approached the Pearl Street Pub & Cellar, Ben acknowledged the boisterous sounds of its occupants with a casual glimpse that only triggered him to pause immediately in stride.

His heart made a weird flutter as his gaze honed in on one person in particular that he never expected to see, occupying a high stool at the bar rail. She was heavily engaged in conversation with a man that seemed far less than enthused to hear what she had to say; which, judging by the way she threw her head back in excessive laughter she was already three sheets to the wind.

Rey…

**

There’s a saying that love holds the capability to blind a person. For Rey, it took losing the person she loved, and who she thought loved her, to discover her blindness too little too late.

Grief. Confusion. Anger. Betrayal. Hurt. They were all but a few of the emotions whirling violently within her thoughts, yet not one of them could be deciphered from which she wanted to enact on first.

Crying over it was out of the question. No matter how hard she tried Rey had been physically incapable of shedding any more tears; which only made her feelings of the situation that much worse.

Yet, somehow, Rey clutched onto the last remnant of love that she felt for Poe.

Her fiancé. Her best friend. Or had she even been worth that to him this whole time?

He was the only person that had gone above and beyond to approach her after she settled in Boulder. The first person to have shown her an ounce of kindness, and that she mattered in a world that appeared to be harsh and cruel around the edges. He had been there to show her the meaning of love, and what it was like to experience an emotion that was known to be tossed around so casually, like a rag doll.

Ironically, Poe had also been the one to show her what it was like to think of love in such a distasteful manner when it should’ve been something viewed as being pure and wholesome – and not easily broken.

How could she have been so blind to have not noticed the signs? The dots had been there for her to connect all along and, yet, they had been so easily blurred within her tunnel vision.

How could she have been so naïve? And most importantly, how could she still stomach the thought of not wanting to remove the engagement ring that Poe gave her?

It should’ve been a symbol that represented them wanting to spend the rest of their lives together, but now it remained a token that had been tainted in the worst possible way that any person in a monogamous relationship could’ve been hurt.

These revelations were becoming like wet, sticky mud that had been left unattended for so long it had dried and crumbled, leaving only a subtle glimpse of discoloring to show that it had once been present in time if one was willing enough to notice.

But Rey never noticed. Poe had never given her a reason to question his devotion to her and to deem him unfaithful. It only made her wonder what other secrets had been kept from her after all these years of thinking that she had been the only woman in his life.

Begrudgingly, the questions never stopped there.

Who was this woman? Had she been the only one? Or were there others like her – and like Rey – that neither one of them knew about?

Throughout the daunting eight hours of her first day back at the paint shop, Rey continued to have her mind plagued with such questions in reference to the latter.

In spite of what little details she knew about Poe’s former mistress, every time Rey’s fingers brushed against the metal band around her finger she was reminded that she loved him. She still loved him; however, the part of him that she still loved was something that she hadn’t managed to come to terms with.

Not yet at least. Right now, her life only seemed to be growing pear-shaped. Too many emotions were begging for her to acknowledge them at once. In a metaphorical way, Rey felt like she was being torn apart.

The hours dragged on throughout the afternoon as Rey desperately sought other means of keeping herself busy: for her sake and for the customers that passed through occasionally. She admitted that those fleeting moments of expressing a forced ‘hello’ and ‘have a nice day’ with a fake smile had been more than welcome to pull herself away from the muddled mess that was rendering her brain into mush.

After months of hindering her love for painting and drawing, Rey attempted to embrace the hobby that once was her main source of healing from such pain.

But even the halfhearted attempt to sketch a flower on a nearby notepad had resulted in that of a shitty stick figure with scribbled long hair, plucking heads from dandelions, and wearing nothing but a frown on its face with a v-shape between the beady little eyes to enhance that the figure was angry.

What am I – twelve again? Rey huffed, carelessly tossing the pen and paper across the register counter. Leaning her elbows onto the countertop, she massaged her temples with her fingers. A throbbing headache was brewing at the forefront of her mind with nothing to help numb the hurt.

Time drew closer to the shop’s closing hours, and Rey began to dread the thought of going home. She neglected to tell Hux and Finn about the news, having successfully avoided the question when they regarded her having bloodshot eyes and dark circles under her lower eyelids that made her look like a creature from a horror film.

At least the dark circles could be hidden with foundation and a dash of powder. Rey only wished that the rest of her troubles could be covered up so easily. She was exhausted; more so than she had been the evening prior to the newfound discovery of Poe’s secret life beyond Boulder.

To top it off, considering it to be the cherry on the cake’s icing, was the thought that Ben was bound to be there when she got back. Deep down – buried at the darkest depths of her heavily guarded conscience – lay the question if it had been okay for her to be attracted to him all along.

If Poe had been unfaithful to her, then what did that say about her attraction to Ben? Or was this simply her, making up excuses to release these pent-up emotions away from the prison she’d sentenced herself to inside her head?

It was then that Rey realized that she needed a new source of outlet. It was the most reasonable of explanations as to what adults normally did when they wanted to temporarily escape their troubles: she needed a stiff drink. And a fucking good one at that!

There were a few times Rey had visited the Pearl Street Pub & Cellar with Poe. It was one of the more popular venues that Boulder had to offer in the town’s nightlife activities, being the chosen hangout spot for virtually everyone over the legal age.

Their food was undoubtedly amazing in quality whilst offering a wide variety of beers on tap and the highest quality of top-shelf liquors. Television screens lined the upper half of the angry red-painted walls, playing the most popular of sports teams during their respectable allotted running times. Of course, that was if one was able to hear the broadcasts as they were typically drowned out by the music playing over the dance floor at the far side of the bar’s interior.

Tables and chairs were strategically positioned throughout the main room for customers to sit and chat – and get stupidly drunk in the process. And getting drunk is exactly what Rey planned on doing.

Ignoring that her stomach was begging to be fed, Rey wasted no time ordering her very own Top-Shelf Long Island Tea after taking her chosen seat at one of the empty stools along the bar rail. Seating wasn’t slim pickings at this point. There were only a handful of others occupying the facility before the later evening rush.

Taking her first sip of the renowned alcoholic beverage, Rey felt the immediate effects travel throughout her body. Her muscles fell lax as she exhaled a hushed sigh in relief, acknowledging the four alcoholic ingredients and the sweet taste of puree combined with a splash of Coke, rushing straight to her head.

One thing she had to admit about drinking was that it compared to the tiny cubes of cheese at parties that was always difficult for a person to cut themselves off from. One drink always led to another – and another before Rey found herself four Long Islands later, making best friends with strangers lining up to order their own beverages to carry in hand. The commotion of chatter had easily begun to drown out the resonating sounds of musical lyrics over the course of an hour, or was it two? At this point, Rey wasn’t entirely certain how long her ass had been numb from sitting at the barstool, but that could’ve also been from the booze.

But Rey didn’t care. She was having too much fun striking up a conversation with the man sitting next to her, oblivious of the fact that he just simply wanted to enjoy his 16-ounces of Coors Light in peace; without, having to worry about Rey slapping him on the shoulder and spilling it in his lap.

Among the perks that seemed to come along with drinking, was that it allowed a person to become more willing to express their troubles to whoever was near. It also lessened the filter that would normally allow a person to decide how much they wanted to disclose. Apparently, Rey was a chatterbox when she was drunk.

“And then, do you know what she said?” Rey asked the man next to her, casually placing a hand on his shoulder, and ignoring the fact that he clearly wasn’t interested in the answer by giving an exaggerated eye roll. She continued on with the sob story that had recently been her life, dropping her voice to a more suggestive octave to enhance the effects of her tale with a snort. “She said ‘Go on…give it to me.’”

It was a matter of moments later when Ben arrived. Rey’s glossy eyes brightened when she saw his familiar face emerge from the side of the stranger she had been engrossed in the one-sided conversation with, ignoring the unrestrained grateful grunt from the former that her attention had been diverted from him.

“Ben!” She exclaimed, unnecessarily louder than needed considering he was standing right next to her at this point. “What are you doing here?”

Ben gave her a knowing look. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Enough,” quipped the man next to her that had fallen victim to her unwarranted storytelling.

Rey shrugged, unperturbed by the offhanded comment. “I don’t know – one or two maybe?”

Ben snorted, unconvinced that it had been the case. He motioned for the bartender to bring a glass of water over for Rey to get better hydrated. Taking the glass in hand, Ben placed a free hand around her waist, offering her support as he helped her down from the stool.

“Come on.” He gently coaxed; leading them to a standalone table in a quieter sector that was away from the swell of bodies around the bar.

Rey gave an exaggerated snort. Leaning into his side, she gripped the back of his t-shirt for support whilst continuing on with her tireless proclamation that he was overreacting.

“I’m fine, Ben. I swear it was only one drink,” though a tiny spot in her mind that hadn’t been touched by intoxication knew that it had been a lie.

She wasn’t fine. She was a mess inside and out. The room was spinning around her like the disco ball, hovering above the dance floor. Her eye lids were heavy from the amount of consumption being added to her lack of sleep. Her eyes were glassy, and the underlying tone of defeat in her words made Ben realize that she was close to having an emotional breakdown.

Wordlessly, Ben considered her feeble condition with an apologetic look, unable to push aside the feeling that he felt somewhat responsible for her current state. He realized then that he would’ve given anything to take away the pain that she had recently endured.

Standing at the table, he watched Rey nurse the glass of water with her elbows on the table, steadying her body from swaying. The upbeat sounds of music in the background gradually slowed into that of a more dramatic melody. He had been too caught up in watching her to realize just how fitting the lyrics were to their situation at that moment, realizing that the song’s words were expressing exactly those he had been thinking.

_I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be. So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe. Right before my eyes I saw that my heart it came to life. This ain’t easy it’s not meant to be. Every story has its scars._

Rey caught Ben’s gaze as the words flowed like medicine to her ears; whether it was the alcohol speaking to her, or not she realized then that this inexplicable pull to him was something far more than just being that of a simple attraction.

She wanted him in every way possible. Had it not been for her being so intoxicated she would’ve taken more time to acknowledge the fact that she was absolutely terrified to admit it; even more so that it allowed her to become more bold and willing to explore it.

Ben swallowed heavily as he watched Rey move from her hunched over position to place her hands on his chest. His heart was pounding against his chest, reverberating as a loud echo in his ears. He kept a hand purposely, gripping the edge of the rounded table they were standing by so as to not be tempted to pull her flush against him; though he did allow himself to place the remaining free hand at her waist.

Running his hand in a subtle up and down motion on her side, Ben considered her with hesitant eyes. For the first time since he had been an adolescent teenager, he was officially afraid of being close to a woman. Specifically, the feelings that she was able to exert from him that he’d spent his life trying to shield.

Rey descended her gaze from his eyes, fixating them for a prolonged moment on his mouth. Realization dawned on her that she had never been so tempted to kiss a set of lips as she had been in that moment: not even Poe’s had ever rendered the same effect. Slowly, she slid one hand down his torso to his waist and brought the other up to caress the back of his neck just below his hairline.

_But when the pain cuts you deep. When the night keeps you from sleeping. Just look and you will see that I will be your remedy._

“I want you to kiss me, Ben.” She urged gently. Her expression was soft, less obvious that she was allowing the booze to talk for her. Her eyes slowly shifted between his eyes and his mouth. “Show me what it’s like to be with you and what I’m missing.”

Ben felt his lungs constrict upon hearing her words. Had it been another time under better circumstances in which Rey wasn’t entirely incoherent enough to consider what she was asking of him, he would’ve given her what she wanted without hesitating.

But, as always, his life had never been that simple. The chances of Rey not remembering what had occurred between them in the morning were considerably high at this point in time, and the words were out of his mouth before he had the chance to reconsider.

“I can’t,” Ben affirmed gently; his voice ragged with regret.

Rey scoffed, her momentary feelings of desire caved into the hurt she felt at hearing his words. For a man that possessed such ignoble history, she certainly hadn’t been prepared for Ben to shoot down her need so quickly.

“Oh,” Rey quipped sharply, “so, since I’m not some random cocktail waitress I’m not fuckable enough for you? Is that it?”

Christ, if she only knew how wrong she was, Ben admitted to himself.

“You’re drunk out of your mind right now.” He replied firmly, and, yet there also remained an ounce of tenderness behind his rebuke. His face was close to hers: close enough to where her nose would’ve brushed against his had Rey raised just a bit higher on her toes. “And if I were to kiss you I’d want you to remember it.”

When the world seems so cruel. And your heart makes you feel like a fool. I promise you will see that I will be, I will be your remedy.

Rey sighed heavily. Gradually, she could feel the weight of every emotion from that day fall heavily upon her shoulders. The trivial amount of sensible reasoning in her mind knew that Ben was right, yet, she couldn’t help but feel rejected once again.

She hadn’t been good enough for her fiancé. Now, she’d been snubbed unexpectedly, by the man she’d inadvertently grown to want in return.

Defeated, Rey brought her hand that had been at Ben’s neck to join her other arm around his broad torso, leaning the full weight of her body into him. With every deep intake of breath, she was easily able to breathe in his scent of fresh air and worn-off Affliction cologne.

She closed her eyes, allowing her ears to drown out the melodious lyrics of the song in the background, becoming wholly focused on the sound of his heart beating beneath her: so soft but loud enough for her to still hear through the music.

Ben brought his arms around her shoulders, allowing her to melt further into him as his chin rested lightly atop her head. His thoughts swarmed with fear that the reality of this moment was surely about to be soon. They would go back to being as awkward as they had been before. Rey would continue dealing with her loss and regard him as being Poe’s friend that fucked every woman he saw.

“You just had to choose now to be noble.” Rey whimpered into his chest. “Of course, right when I need you to not be.”

Ben chuckled lightly as the corner of his lips curled into a smirk. “I’m not usually this honorable. I guess you just bring it out in me.”

Rey snorted, feeling herself succumb to lethargy even though she was still standing. “Lucky me.”

With every passing moment, Ben could feel her grip loosen on his shirt. He cocked his head, perceiving the obvious fact that she was absolutely about to fall asleep against him.

“We should go. You’re gonna have a bitch of a hangover in the morning just so you know.”

Rey acknowledged him with a soft hum in response but remained undeterred from her stance. She could feel him bend significantly lower, the crook of his arm behind the backs of her knees to carry her while his other remained under her back. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her face into him.

Come whatever I’ll be the shelter that won’t let the rain come through. Your love, it is my truth. And I will always love you.

“Why did it have to be you-,” her words slurred as they trailed off into an incoherent mumble.

Ben arched a brow toward her; even though she couldn’t see his silent need for her to enlighten him more on what she meant. He considered expressing just as much, but Rey was asleep no sooner than he had passed through the bar’s door.

**

Rey slept the entire ride home; even after Ben managed to transport her from his Jeep, through the front screen door, and then the main door (thanks to Finn and Hux, leaving the doors unlocked). Doing so was a challenge at first but Ben managed, somehow, while still cradling her securely in his arms and against his chest.

Ignoring the quizzical stares from Hux and Finn from the kitchen as to why Ben was carrying an unconscious and highly intoxicated Rey, Ben brought her directly to her bedroom. Carefully settling her comfortably onto her bed, Rey remained in her peaceful slumber as he removed her shoes and eased one side of her quilt over to cover her up for warmth.

Ben remained at her bedside momentarily, gently pushing hair that had fallen in her face aside. A thought of kissing her forehead, or perhaps her cheek flickered through his mind but Ben resisted and pushed it aside. For now, he was more than happy of taking what he could get of her by her own consent.

He gave her one last look before taking his leave, wondering if she still would’ve wanted him to kiss her had she only been soberer. It was a question that Ben figured he would never know the answer to.

It wasn’t until the door to her room had closed when Ben finally acknowledged the apparent looks on his two roommates’ faces, asking ‘what in the hell was that about’ without actually saying the words out loud.

“I swear I had nothing to do with it,” Ben stated defensively, taking it upon himself to join them by claiming one of the stools at the window overlooking the kitchen.

Hux and Finn stole knowing glances at the other.

“I wasn’t even gonna ask,” Hux affirmed; though he made a mental note to ask Rey about it later.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post this! Been busy with the holiday craze and...you know...life. :P Enjoy another double update!

Having a hangover from Hell couldn’t begin to describe the throbbing in Rey’s head. It was more along the lines of residing in purgatory in which she merely existed somewhere between the afterlife, and walking amongst the living on Earth. 

After being numb from the pain the evening before there were only a few words that could properly describe the sensation of what one too many Long Islands were capable of accomplishing: they made you feel like shit!

Although, feeling like death warmed up and served on a silver platter for a party of one was also approaching closely in comparison. However, with the hurt all being the same she could have also been struck upside the head with a wooden baseball bat wrapped in barbed-wiring.

Scowling, Rey reproached the thought that she really needed to stop watching The Walking Dead with Finn and Hux. Comparing herself to the show’s characters at the moment, specifically those with rotten flesh, only managed to stroke her gag reflexes at the worst of times.

When Rey opened her eyes, everything was a blurry orb of light. Straining to see through her narrowed eyelids she managed to dim the brightness. No thanks to the unpainted white walls, the rays from the eastern sun glared with a vibrant ferocity through her bedroom window.

Grimacing at the sensitivity, Rey turned from her side onto her stomach, burying her face into the cushiness of her pillow whilst pulling the quilt up and over her shoulders. She regarded the faint, proverbial fragrance of coconut from her shampoo that was lingering on her pillowcase with a soft inhale.

She was in her bed, in her bedroom.

Wait a fucking minute…

How in the hell did she get home from the bar? Did she attempt driving home, heavily under the influence? Or had she managed to withhold a reasonable amount of sensibility to find a designated driver? 

Her mind was nothing but fuzzy on the details. The possibility of any truth lying behind her risking the attempt of driving herself home hadn’t been entirely ruled out at this point; although, the thought of having to ponder such questions was too much of a task at the moment. Alas, Rey settled with the better thought of having drunk-dialed Finn or Hux.

Chalking off the fact that she had been able to take in the surroundings of her room, Rey concluded it to be her greatest accomplishment for the day after allowing her eyes to become accustomed to the brightness in the room. The daunting task of walking was surely about to become the new add-on bonus.

Rey slowly rose onto her hip, keeping a hand firmly planted into the mattress, she felt the hangover’s remnants consume her like that she’d participated in a head-on collision course of sorts.

Her head was stuck in a slow spiraling motion, enhancing the aspects of her vertigo. The queasiness in the pit of her abdomen made Rey chide herself for deeming it wise to forego eating, and chose to consume an excessive amount of liquor on an empty stomach instead. The taste of stale alcohol lingering on her breath certainly wasn’t helping the overall matter of her situation.

Clearly, drinking alone when miserable had not been the brightest of her bright ideas, regarding that she had been so determined in finding a way to numb any, and all emotions she never considered the corresponding consequences.

Moral of the story, Adams: never drink Long Islands alone – ever! Actually, just don’t drink alone period.

Sighing heavily, Rey moved to an upright seated position with her legs crossed; resting her elbows on her knees she dug her palms into her eyelids. She welcomed the pressure as being a short relief from the dull pain behind her temples. If there was the slightest chance that her eyeballs would pop out of their sockets from the amount of pressure being applied to them, Rey wouldn’t have been surprised.

She switched focus to her temples, massaging them in a circular motion with her fingertips whilst staring at an unspecified spot on the blank wall across from her. Rey cocked her head slightly with an anomalous look, perceiving the whitish partition as a blank canvas: a clean slate that was pleading to be colored with something new – something fresh.

A revitalized yearning to paint became the only thought that sparked the ashes of her desolation. The fresh ideas swarming in her thoughts only initiated her excitement to bring them to life on a real canvas. For so long she depicted the art to be an unwarranted reminder of what she had run from, and that her love for it had died along with the life of her fiancé among the other excuses that were rendered moot.

Today, that grim outlook over it was about to change.

Apparently hitting rock bottom had been what she needed to rearrange her life, and to obtain a clearer image of what she wanted to do next in this newfound journey. Considering Rey felt as if she’d figuratively hurled herself over the edge of a cliff and landed amongst a pile of boulders at some point in the night the metaphor was certainly fitting.

She made it a point to recover her paints and supplies from storage that day. Even if it meant taking her all afternoon to rummage through every single box labeled as  **JUNK** to find what she needed: because she was a genius that found it easier at the time to label every geometric-shaped piece of cardboard as such.

That was also after the fact of crossing over the real hurdle for the day: peeling her hung over ass out of bed. Having a crane to assist herself with the task of swinging her legs over the bed’s edge appeared to be an easier solution than having to count to ten before pushing herself away from the mattress, but Rey endured the struggle like a ninja – just less graceful.

A congratulatory pat on the back was more than needed after changing from the dark denim skinny jeans and her favorite t-shirt (featuring The Beatles) into more comfortable attire of pajama shorts that were navy blue with large, pink hydrangea blossoms, and a matching shade of pink on the waistband and around the trim hugging her thighs. She topped off the bum attire with her favorite Under Armor hoodie that was heather grey with pink lettering. All of which she had been able to do without falling on her face.

Focusing on walking with one bare foot in front of the other, Rey emerged from the confinement of her bedroom to the dwelling’s main sitting area. Thinking that she had been the only one in the house, she was surprised to see Finn in the kitchen. And, judging by the sweet smell of cookie batter that blended in with the bitter aroma of coffee, he was clearly in a mood that called for a baking spree. She could already see a few batches of plain sugar cookies amongst the chocolate chip ones on the opposite counter from the sink.

Transferring the last fully-baked chocolate chip cookie from the baking sheet to a piece of parchment on the island countertop, Finn looked up at the sound of stool feet dragging with friction against the hardwood flooring.

“Good morning there, lush.” Finn greeted in that of a facetious jab. “I’m surprised to see you mobile already, after the state that you were in last night.”

Resting her elbows on the window’s countertop and cradling her cheeks between her fists, Rey narrowed her eyes towards the tiny digital numbers on the stove that read 11:17. Acknowledging the hour with a groan, Rey folded her arms purposely on the countertop to rest her head upon them. “Thanks,” she grumbled.

“Coffee’s made if you want some. No offense, but you look like you need it.”

“Since when do we own a coffee maker?” Rey asked, quirking a brow.

“Since I took it upon myself to go through the last number of gifts that you didn’t want,” Finn concurred with a toothy grin. He took her exaggerated eye roll as his queue to pour Rey a mug of hot caffeine from their newly acquired Keurig with a few drops of creamer, along with supplying a couple of tablets of Aspirin.

Rey gave him a weary appreciative smile, popping the more than needed hangover remedies into her mouth. She welcomed the heat of the brown liquid to wash them down with an internal satisfied sigh. Her hands remained clasped around the mug, savoring the heat that its content was exerting.

“Thanks for helping my sorry ass last night,” Rey uttered softly.

Finn remained standing in front of her, leaning on his forearms with a look that she took as him wanting her to acknowledge something from the night before. Oblivious to what he was imploring, she brought the rim of her mug to her lips for another sip of its liquid content.

Finn chuckled. “Actually, that’s the hilarious part: Solo brought you home.”

Rey nearly spit the drink back into the mug at his words. Her muscles went stiff whilst staring back at Finn with pupils blown wide. “What?”

Finn nodded with a smirk. “Yep, he carried your drunk-ass in shortly after ten o’clock last night.”

Rey scoffed as panic crawled into her chest. Her eyes flickered amongst the tiny grains of wood on the countertop, desperately picking through any competent sector of her brain as to why she was with Ben the night before. Unfortunately, she couldn’t come up with a single memory other than she knew for a fact that Ben hadn’t been with her at the time she ordered another Long Island – whenever that was.

Questions sparked their way throughout the nerve endings of her brain, but only proved to be fruitless to ponder: every query led directly to a dead-end answer. Her brain was hurting now more than ever.

Rey heaved a frustrated sigh. Closing her eyes, she hoped that she hadn’t said (or done) anything that would’ve made her look like a major jackass in Ben’s eyes. Not that she cared though, right? But the more she tried to make herself believe it the more her anxiety escalated. She made it a crucial priority to ask Ben about it later.

“What was up with that, anyway?” Finn remarked, breaking Rey from the quarrel in her thoughts as he made his way back to the large bowl on the counter by the stove that contained the remaining batch of cookie batter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get that drunk since I’ve known you.”

Because my fiancé is a mendacious twat and made me do it, Rey wanted to say. Deciding to surpass the uncouth remark, she chewed her bottom lip to make up a more reasonable excuse rather than choosing to smear more mud over his late friend’s image.

Rey considered the fact that Finn never went on excessive baking sprees unless something was troubling him. She couldn’t bear the thought of burdening him with more poignant details of her estranged love life with his deceased childhood best friend.

“I just – it’s been a chaotic couple of weeks, Finn. I needed a night to clear my head. But I’m better now.” Rey assured with a (hopeful) convincing enough smile. “I promise. And, actually, I decided that I want to start painting again.”

“For real?” Finn inquired with surprise, plopping a rounded form of cookie dough on the cooking sheet with the spoon in hand. “That’s great!”

Rey nodded candidly. “I just need to get my supplies out of storage. Speaking of - I’m assuming my car is still uptown. Think you could give me a ride later?”

“Yeah, definitely no problem,” Finn replied. “I told Hugs I’d be coming into work later anyway.”

Rey gave him a soft contemplative look, tapping her index finger mindlessly against her mug. “How are you holding up with everything, Finn? I’m sorry for being so wrapped up in my own woes that I’ve neglected to ask how you’ve been through all of this. I feel like such a terrible friend.”

“Nah, you of all people shouldn’t feel sorry about anything,” Finn added over his shoulder as he placed the sheet of raw dough balls into the oven. Setting the oven’s timer for the suitable baking time, he turned back towards Rey and leaned the small of his back against the island counter’s edge with arms crossed over his chest. “And for me –,” he exerted a shrug, “- I’m alright, but I have my moments. I mean he was my best friend, you know? We’ve been inseparable since middle school, and he’s just – it’s weird having him gone.”

Rey frowned and nodded, slowly. Her attention lowered to the mug that was cupped between her palms, and rubbed her thumbs in an up-and-downward motion over its current lukewarm surface. For the first time since Poe’s death, she had no words to add for reassurance; too guilt-ridden of the fact that she couldn’t help but feel like Poe had failed them all in some relatable aspect.

Not only had Poe failed Rey in being a faithful partner, but he’d also failed his roommates and co-workers as a friend. For being so-called ‘best friends’ for years, it was obvious that neither one of them knew of the surreptitious life that their friend had been leading. She wasn’t sure which was more disheartening to think about. 

“Actually, Rey…” Finn started with knitted brows, “I talked to Hux the other night about doing some sort of memorial shrine outside the bait shop with a garden. Maybe do a possible eulogy to him at the one-year anniversary mark. Since you mentioned that you’re planning on starting your art up again – what do you think about doing a painting or something for it?”

Rey took a breath as her lips went slightly ajar. She considered telling him no until the hopeful expression on Finn’s face brought about a change in mind frame. She knew how much it would mean to him – and to Hux. Poe had also been deemed a friend amongst frequent inhabitants in town that visited the bait shop on a regular basis.

Baring all of that in mind, Rey couldn’t bring herself to let them down any more than what their friend had already done. Finn and Hux had always been there for her when she needed them to be, indisputably. She could definitely manage to do this one thing that they were asking of her.

“Sure,” Rey affirmed with a confident smile. “I’ll think of something.”

Finn’s smile beamed. “I knew Poe loved you for a reason. You’re the best.”

Rey tried to smile at the notion, but – did Poe actually love her? Or had it been more of him being in love with the idea of her and him, together?

Any other average person with a normal life never would’ve had the need to consider the latter after having lost their loved one, but Rey’s life had always been everything other than ordinary. She decided to save the thought for another day.

After finishing up her coffee and feeling her humanity ensue past the horrendous hangover, Rey joined Finn in the kitchen to finish up his baking spree. She stole a few chunks of dough with extra chocolate chips when Finn hadn’t been looking, smiling deviously that he always failed to notice.

While Finn took out the last batch of cookies from the oven, Rey helped with clean-up before declaring that she was officially more than overdue for a shower at that point. It was nearly approaching 12:30 in the afternoon and they both still had plans for the remainder of the day.

“Good,” Finn said with a straight face. “I’ve been trying to hold back from saying this – and I mean this in the nicest way possible because you’re my friend - but you smell like you just crawled out of the dumpster in the bar’s alleyway.”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him, wholly aware and not caring that she looked like a five-year-old in the process.

**

Reacquainting herself with the paintbrush held loosely in her grasp was like meeting up with a life-long friend after having lost contact over the years. However, in her case, it had been no longer than six months at most.

Straightening her back on the stool with the arches of her bare feet propped on the rims of the stool’s legs underneath her, Rey contemplated the subtle blends in gentle hues of blues, pinks, and grey that served as the background on her 16”x20” canvas that was propped on the easel.

Cocking her head slightly, Rey pressed her lips and turned her mouth askew, silently debating over where she wanted to add a little more color to balance out the image.

“Just a little more white should do the trick,” Rey mumbled out loud even though she was the only one occupying the house’s porch.

She proceeded to do just that, taking a little extra white paint onto the brush’s bristles and dabbing them lightly over the center of the canvas where she concluded the light source should come from. 

Not long after obtaining her paints and other accessories from storage, Rey couldn’t wait to dive headfirst into the new project. The image she wound up choosing was a limb of cherry blossoms that she found in Google images, wanting something simple that would serve in refreshing her skills.

After reading the subtext underneath the image, Rey discovered that cherry blossoms were also said to represent life’s fragility and the beauty within it: a sheer reminder that nothing is ever permanent no matter how beautiful and perfect it may seem.

How fitting.

Not only did Rey choose them for the fact that she’d never gotten to see such delicate blooms in nature, but the symbolism behind them managed to capture Rey’s heart, acknowledging them as being significant to this new chapter of her life.

Rummaging through the drawers of her bureau when she got home, Rey searched for proper attire that she didn’t mind getting a splash or two of paint on. She settled on a pair of overalls that she snagged for a couple of bucks from Goodwill a few years ago, being two sizes too big and baggy for her lean figure they nearly engulfed her hips and legs. She found an old, grungy cut-off tee buried under the shirts that she slept in to throw on underneath the denim set.

She rolled the bottom leg hems of the overalls up so that they came just above her ankles, and threw her hair up into a messy bun in which left a few stray hairs hang loose around her face. With a contented hum and a quick look in the mirror for no reason whatsoever, Rey set up her temporary make-do art studio on the porch next to the hammock.

She took a needed glance down at her phone where the chosen image of cherry blossoms was displayed on screen for reference. Choosing to start on the limb and branches next, she just started gathering up the colors to blend the desired shade of brown before the sound of tires rolling over gravel on their driveway shifted her attention. Glancing around the side of her easel, she stretched her neck just enough to see who was coming from over the porch’s stone railing.

Her chest did a weird flutter when she saw Ben appear while ascending the stairs, carrying what Rey presumed to be a large camera bag with the padded-strap clinging to his shoulder and his hand grasping the handle for good measure. She assured herself that the fluttering in her stomach was only nerves, but the trivial smile on her face said otherwise.

Ben slowed in his stride upon reaching the top step, not expecting to see Rey emerge from the hiding spot behind the easel as his mind had been heavily scourged with other thoughts that day to have noticed her.

“Hey,” Rey stated softly.

Ben gave her a tentative smirk, fearing that she’d remember her antics from the night before. If Rey had been keen on anything significant in remembrance, the blithe expression on her face didn’t show any hint regarding it.

“Hey,” he finally managed to say, mirroring her tone.

An awkward silence hung in the air: something that seemed to happen every time they would first meet as one of them always worried if the words they wanted to say would be wrong to express.

As Ben approached her, his eyes immediately began taking in every aspect of Rey’s attire. Begrudgingly, there was nothing that managed to rile him up more and make his cock twitch than seeing her forego the trendy apparel for haphazard garb that usually no woman in their right mind would dare to let a man see them in.

But Rey wasn’t like the other women that he knew, and that was what he admired about her the most. Moments like this always made Ben detach from any reasonable sense of competency as he became completely awestruck with her presence. Minutes later he would discover that he’d been gaping starry-eyed at her, and would forcibly real himself back to reality.

He became captivated with how the gentle breeze captured the tiny wisps of hair hanging freely from her messy hairdo, and how naturally more beautiful she was without make-up to hide her freckles. His eyes trailed further to where the straps on the overalls remained subtly snug against her breasts due to the way she was sitting, exposing the knoll of their outer curvature that remained concealed underneath her white shirt. The excessive slack of her denim attire at her waist and the cut-off shirt underneath gave him the slightest peek of her sun-kissed skin along her sides, and just a sheer glimpse of the taut muscles of her stomach.

And, God damnit! If this wasn’t Rey trying to not turn him on then, she had most certainly failed – miserably. If she were any other woman Ben would’ve already had her thrown over his shoulder, and on his way to fuck her senseless.

Jesus Christ, Solo, you really are pathetic.

After a prolonged moment of silence, Rey went to speak; breaking the unwarranted tranquility at the same time Ben inadvertently chose to talk as well. They both regarded the other and laughed nervously like they had read the other’s mind and had the same thought.

“You first,” Ben said with a reassuring nod towards her.

Rey took a breath whilst fidgeting with the brush in hand. Worrying her bottom lip, she glanced down to make sure her hands weren’t showing just how nervous she was about the topic she was attempting to broach.

“I just wanted to say thank you for being there last night,” she stated sincerely. “I don’t remember how it ended being that way, to begin with, but I’m grateful. I definitely don’t know how I would’ve made it home by myself if you hadn’t been there.”

“Of course,” Ben uttered softly. “I was actually just leaving the area after meeting my mother for dinner, and I just happened to see you through the window. You were – pretty far gone.”

Rey regarded the knowing look that played across his face at that. She scrunched her nose and knitted her brows, tentatively reaching her invisible feelers out to see just how bad she had actually been. “I didn’t – you know, do or say anything out of the ordinary, did I?”

Ben flexed his jaw. He considered telling Rey the truth but immediately shot down the thought for the sheer fact that he didn’t want to make matters worse between them when they already appeared to be making progress.

Alas, Ben conceded by shaking his head in response.

Rey’s shoulders fell lax, exerting a sigh in relief. “Thank God,” she expressed with a nervous chuckle. “I was worried there for a second.”

Ben was fairly certain that her response hadn’t meant to be an insult, but it didn’t stop the feeling of being overturned thinking that she’d be repulsed if anything physical had happened between them.

If only Rey knew how crazy she was beginning to drive him.

“Yeah, thank God.” Ben mocked so as to not make his discomfort over the matter anymore obvious. He gave her a reassuring smile and turned to head inside the house.

“Hey, Ben?”

His hand had just met the screen door’s handle before the sound of Rey’s voice made him freeze in place. He turned his head just enough to face her.

Worrying her bottom lip, and discarding her palette and brush on the ground, Rey stood from her seat to stand just before him with arms loosely crossed in front of her. “I need to ask you something. And I want you to be the one to tell me the truth.”

Ben swallowed thickly; his eyes flickered over her face as if he’d find any hints as to what she wanted to ask him. However, the hunch that had been in the lump in his throat told him that he already knew. Allowing his hand on the door’s handle to retreat and hang loosely at his side, he nodded to affirm that he was willing to do what she asked of him.

“Did you know what I would find in those text messages? Do you know her?”

Ben didn’t need for her to elaborate on who she was talking about: he already knew although he wished that he could’ve had the luxury of playing dumb over the subject. Clenching his jaw, he felt another grating nerve twitch in his neck as he nodded the answer.

Rey snorted and shook her head. Exasperated, she threw her hands in the air in surrender before allowing them to fall back to her sides with an exaggerated slap against the denim covering her thighs. “Of course,” she spat as she turned from him. “I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid to believe I had been the only woman in his life this whole time.”

“She’s not in his life, Rey. She’s just –.” Ben had to bite his tongue to stop the words from spewing out of his mouth. He’d said too much already and, now, he was certain that he’d already seized her attention as Rey turned abruptly on her heal to face him.

Rey gave him a long, imploring look with narrowed eyes that only seemed to force Ben further into the corner that he managed to inadvertently back himself into. “She’s what, Ben? Who is she?”

His chest ached as Ben took a breath, preparing himself for the inevitable storm that was surely about to happen. “She’s just – the mother of his son.”

Rey blinked once then, twice at his words. She wanted to faint. The blow managed to suck the air dry from her lungs, thwarting her from being able to speak anything past the coherent silence though her mouth was open slightly agape.

Nausea instantly crept its way into her stomach. Swallowing the bile down, she counted to ten in order to control her breathing that had become unsteady. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes burned with the intention of wanting to cry, but that all managed to dissipate from the heat of anger boiling up in her chest.

Uncertain as to what emotion she wanted to latch onto first, Rey began to pace across the porch with a hand on her hip and the palm of her other pressed to her forehead, breathing in deep huffs of breath to keep herself from losing any remnants of sanity that she had left.

Ben’s eyes remained fixed upon her, holding his breath just in case any sudden movement would spark the initiative to send her into a full-blown rampage. Her eyes were no longer the soft hazel but more of a stormy shade of grey, rendering her to the likes of a feral animal waiting to strike. 

“Rey,” Ben said quietly, apprehensively. Like, he was attempting to do the impossible of taming a wild cat that had been captured from the highest mountain peak and brought down to society’s common ground.

Hearing Ben’s voice had been enough to break Rey from her murderous mind frame and shoot him a dangerous glare, lips firmly pressed. He meant to tell her then, how sorry he was for everything. Though the look on her face made it that much harder for Ben to find words that would be enough to comfort her.

Ben swallowed heavily, thinking it best to just leave her be he attempted to make a silent exit by reaching for the screen door’s handle. But Rey was adamant, and Hell-bent on getting the remaining information that she needed.

“Don’t you dare!” Rey demanded sharply. Seizing Ben by the forearm, she managed to jar his weight backward by an inch with the amount of force that she put into pulling him. “I need answers, Ben! How in the hell did my fiancé have a child that I knew nothing about?”

A low growl in irritation rumbled at the back of Ben’s throat: mostly directed at Poe for putting him in this situation in the first place and partially at himself for staying long enough for it to happen. If his friend hadn’t been dead already, chances were likely that Ben probably would’ve murdered Poe himself.

“It was a one-time thing when he had visited during a layover in LA,” Ben replied with a hoarse timbre, holding up a single finger to indicate his point furthermore. “I invited him for a night out in the city; though I couldn’t manage to babysit him the entire time, Rey. Poe was capable of making his own decisions no matter how shitty they might’ve been.”

Rey gave him a long look, and blinked. Furrowing her brows, she nodded curtly in understanding: no matter how hard it was to accept his harsh but needed words. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, feeling her anger subside into a more affable demeanor.

“Was it before or during me?” Rey asked silently, her eyes fixed on his.

Ben replied without haste with that of a more composed tone, “Before.”

Rey nodded. “Okay, and how old is he? The –boy, I mean.”

“I don’t know, seven?” Ben replied tentatively. “Maybe eight.”

Rey heaved out a sigh that managed to shake her shoulders, certain that she’d reached the brink of no longer being able to handle any further information about her late fiancé’s secret life that she had been shielded from learning. She considered Ben momentarily, scoffing; her expression grew soft and knowing.

“Is this why you stayed? So, you could clean up after his mess?”

That’s not the only reason, Ben wanted to say as he stared back at her. Rey was close enough to where, if he wanted to, he could pull her into him. But he refrained from doing so – for obvious reasons.

Instead, he cocked his head with a yearning in his eyes that Rey would’ve gotten the chance to explore more had she not blinked when Ben reached out and cupped his hand softly to her cheek.

Rey’s breathing hitched at the intimate gesture, regarding him perplexed with knitted brows. Especially because this was the first time they ever had skin-to-skin contact (that she could remember at least), the feeling of his warm and soft skin caused goosebumps to trickle up her arms, and a shiver to ripple up her spine. She didn’t realize she had begun to lean into his touch as Ben grazed his thumb over the skin of her cheek until he retrieved his hand away, making her head jerk slightly from the lack of support.

“You had some paint on your cheek,” Ben murmured with a crooked smile.

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes, hoping that he hadn’t been able to see the shade of pink blush her cheeks. She turned away; taking her seat at the easel once again with a heavy flop down upon the wooden seat, shoulders slouching. She proceeded to stare absentmindedly at the half-finished painting in front of her.

Ben sniffed and ran his hand casually through his hair. “Did she say what she wanted?”

Rey snorted. “What do you think?” She quipped, not looking away from her painting. “I didn’t read all of the messages, but my guess is that she wants the money that Poe owes her.”

Ben nodded and rolled his lips in brief thought, making an uncanny appearance. “I’ll take care of it. I think she counts on it.”

“I counted on him, too, Ben,” Rey stated in a dull, emotionless tone. “And look where it got me.”

Ben frowned at that. The renowned silence prompted him to take it as his queue to leave; though as he opened the screen door to go in the house, Ben turned his head askance towards Rey. “You know, I do miss him as a matter of fact. But as much as I miss that asshole I really just want to grab him by the shirt collar and tell him what a moron he is for not appreciating you the way he should’ve.”

Rey scoffed. She turned to face Ben and ask what he meant by that, but the door had already slammed shut as he disappeared into the house. Within that moment Rey was able to recall his words prior to the discussion about the money, and how he had touched her: she knew for a fact that the paintbrush had never been close enough in order to leave a mark on her that day.

**

It took every ounce of Ben’s willpower not to hurl his camera bag across the living room; more or less, regarding the fact that he didn’t feel like dropping thousands of dollars into more lenses and a camera that he’d just gotten recently before coming to Colorado.

He settled the bag on the island counter in the kitchen, and reached for his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. Pulling up the Google Chrome app, he proceeded to type in Encino Hair, Nails and Day Spa. He quickly rehearsed the lines in his head what he planned on saying to the woman that he was attempting to contact, but the words escaped his thoughts after he heard the ring tone in his ear.

The call was answered by an unforeseen woman with a relatively cheerful voice. “Thank you for calling Encino Hair, Nails and Day Spa this is Jyn, how can I help you?”

Ben cleared his throat. “Yea, I’m trying to reach one of your massage therapists. I was wondering if she was in today.”

“Sure, which one are you inquiring about?”

Ben began to pace across the kitchen, running an exasperated hand over his face. “Rose Tico.”


	8. Chapter 8

When in the hell did everything go so terribly wrong in their six years together?

It was a question that Rey constantly asked herself since Ben exposed the truth behind Poe’s sizeable amount of secrets. There was a child: a son.

Her fiancé had a son.

Slowly, all of the missing pieces to the puzzle were starting to come together: small portions of the overall big picture that made the moments when Poe would abruptly leave during the day make sense.

Was it true that he’d been born before Rey and Poe’s time together as a couple? Or was there more to the story than Ben was willing to tell? Did Poe really think that she wouldn’t have been able to handle him having a child with another woman?

Thousands of people, nowadays, had children out of wedlock that managed to make monogamous relationships work with other people. What made Poe think that they couldn’t have been any different?

Either way the unanswered questions always rounded her back to square one, leaving her more discouraged and frustrated than she was before. More so of the fact that she could feel so angry and hurt by Poe’s actions one minute and still miss him like crazy the next.

If there was any sort of amusement that could extend from the chaotic mess of events was that her life begrudgingly became an untelevised soap opera, and she was the lead character in the story. To make the situation worse she cast Ben as being the leading man who would figuratively swoop in to save the day: the one that the main character generally fell for in the end.

Yes, Rey would’ve been lying if she denied Ben’s words following the discussion of Poe’s son hadn’t impacted her in one way or another, and how he touched her so tenderly was becoming a close runner-up. Since that day there had been many brief glances and stolen eye contact between her and Ben; which stirred up the annoying jitters in her stomach that he brought upon her every time.

She remembered having those initial butterflies with Poe when they first started dating, but with Ben – they were inexorably a whole new level of intensity in emotions and Rey could find no rhyme or reason why that was so.

Could it be possible that she was developing feelings for Ben, and he for her? She may have reached a bit in regards to the latter since Ben never gave her the impression that he was searching for someone to settle down with. Really, it was silly and impractical to believe such a thought – wasn’t it?

But then Rey was in no position to consider anything that seemed possible to be impossible. If anything her life unwarrantedly served as a reminder that nothing was as solemn as it all may have seemed.

In the highlight of the most recent events, Rey’s paint shop had come to serve as an escape haven: a little place in the world where she was able to leave every problem at its outdoor threshold even though it was bound to greet her afterward like a dog would greet its owner.

The steady flow of customers throughout the day proved to be a needed diversion from further contemplating her enigmatic attraction towards Ben Solo. Especially when she had patrons getting their feet wet in the world of oil painting, and were expecting her to explain the quality differences from the newest brand of Maestro Series XV paintbrushes from that of the Winsor & Newton.

Just as Rey finished cashing out the last customer of the morning her jaw literally fell to the floor when she saw Shara Dameron walk in. For as long as she could remember Rey was unable to recall seeing her ‘would have been mother-in-law’ visit her at work and bearing an extra coffee in hand from the local Starbucks by the looks of it.

“Shara,” Rey said as her voice came out in a higher octave from shock. “I’m honestly surprised to see you.” That, as a matter of fact, had been the honest to God truth, considering she hadn’t seen nor heard from the woman since Poe’s funeral.

Shara’s smile was rigid, displaying the dark shade of burgundy wine lipstick that flawlessly landed in contrast against her bronze-colored skin; which easily offset the vibrant colors on her navy blue chiffon floral sundress and the sandy-colored ankle booties from Nordstrom.

From her perfectly styled russet summer curls on her head to the shoes on her feet Shara looked like a million bucks. Whereas Rey settled for more practical attire and adorned high-water jeans with blown-out holes in the knees, a lightly-colored grey t-shirt whose neck was stretched slightly past her shoulder that exposed the strap of her underlying black sports bra.

“And I deeply apologize for that my darling,” Shara stated in utmost poise as she all but shoved the coffee cup into Rey’s hands. “I even brought coffee as a peace offering for my absence.”

Rey offered her an appreciative smile along with a tentative ‘thank you’, though it was palpable that kissing the woman’s ass was no longer necessary. After taking a sip of the mystery content it took every ounce of stomach tissue for Rey to not gag from the bitter-tasting black coffee.

How in the hell did people drink this shit and survive to tell the tale afterward?

Rey hoped that the grimace on her face hadn’t been that entirely noticeable when she did appreciate the attempted gesture. Half expecting Shara to immediately leave like she always did Rey was utterly amazed to see that the woman was making a genuine effort to stick around and gossip.

The quizzical look on Rey’s face should’ve been obvious that she didn’t have the slightest clue as to whom Jessika Pava was, and why the woman in questioning was divorcing Wedge Antilles but Shara kept on talking. Not that Rey cared, really; however just being able to carry on a civilized conversation with her late fiancé’s mother should’ve been deemed as the highlight of the century.

Since Shara was on the kick of airing out everyone else’s dirty laundry Rey saw the open window as the perfect opportunity to bring up the newly uncovered knowledge of Poe’s surreptitious life in California. Of course, her intention was to alert Shara that she had had a grandson for all these years and not just to spread needless hearsay.

“Shara,” Rey started, pausing apprehensively, “did you know that Poe had a son?”

The moment the words escaped her lips Rey immediately wished that she could’ve taken them back as she watched Shara’s face descend from sincerely amused over the former topic to flat and emotionless.

The room fell into an impeccable silence: unobtrusive to where a pin hitting the hardwood floor could be heard over the occasional outbursts of pedestrians chattering louder than necessary outdoors.

As Rey’s words began to sink in, Shara’s eyes narrowed into a heavily scrutinizing look as if Rey had just openly admitted to having sacrificed their firstborn to some hokey religion.

“What do you mean he has a son?” Shara inquired sharply.

“It means exactly how I meant for it to sound: you have a grandson living in California and I thought you had the right to know about him.”

Rey wasn’t entirely certain as to how she expected Shara to react to the shocking news, but the woman’s next words were definitely not what she had been anticipating to hear.

“This is your fault.” Shara spat, directing an accusatory finger towards Rey.

Rey blinked; her mouth slightly agape in a momentary loss for words. “How is it my fault? Did you even hear what I said?”

“I understand perfectly well what you said.” Shara retorted slowly, enunciating her words in a menacing composure as if perceiving Rey to be one of the undereducated class.

“Maybe if you would’ve made a better attempt at keeping him satisfied he wouldn’t have gone and knocked up another woman.”

Rey should’ve known better than to have let Shara’s words affect her so deeply, but the notion struck her like the woman had virtually stabbed her in the chest with a shovel and rendered her stomach into a knot. Hindered at a loss for words they appeared to be gathering to form a lump in Rey’s throat: the proverbial feeling that was generally accompanied by tears and a trembling lower lip.

But Rey was determined not to let Shara take any pleasure in seeing her cry no matter how bad her eyes burned from behind.

“You do realize what this means, don’t you?” Rey urged calmly, hugging her arms over her chest with her hands balled into fists. “The boy could get everything as being Poe’s only living successor: the house, the money, everything will go to him.”

Shara was beyond livid at this point. Not being one to ever feel vengeful in character Rey couldn’t help but feel a sort of newfound gratification from raining on the haughty woman’s parade.

“That boy won’t get a single dime of my son’s money without coughing up some damn good DNA.” Shara sneered, turning on her heal to storm out of the shop. She just managed to swing the door open before nearly colliding into Ben’s hefty bulk figure. To Rey’s surprise, she was as equally stunned to see him there as much as Shara.

Rey groaned in frustration. How much worse could this day possibly get? Right now, she wanted nothing more than to curl into a dark hole in a corner somewhere and cry.

Shara’s demeanor did a complete turn-around as she offered Ben a toothy smile, casting all former incense aside. “Oh, Ben! I’m surprised to see that you’re still in town. Kes said that you weren’t at the house when he attempted to visit the other day.”

Ben chanced a glance towards Rey’s direction as she was warily shuffling towards them, harboring a prominent look of defeat on her face with her shoulders and back hunched forward. He gave her a look of concern with heavily furrowed brows before considering acknowledging Shara, who was still standing in front of him and expecting an answer nonetheless.

“Yeah,” Ben stammered at first, searching for plausible excuses that wouldn’t raise unwarranted suspicion as to the real reason why he had decided to stay. “I figured I would stick around a little longer with having some downtime before my next session: visiting with friends and my mom and stuff.”

“That’s wonderful to hear, and do tell your mother that I said hello,” Shara stated with a wistful smile. “Poe sure had some great friends. It’s a shame he’s not here to see you finally back.”

Ben nodded curtly in agreement whilst offering her an apprehensive smile: if that was what he could call the barely noticeable curvature at the corner of his mouth. In the meantime, he couldn’t help but notice how overly hesitant Rey was acting as she approached.

“Oh! That reminds me of what I had come here for.” Shara quipped, turning purposely towards Rey.

Rey scoffed, feeling her muscles recoil at the sudden change in becoming the center of attention. What more could the woman possibly have to say?

“I will need that ring back, Rey,” Shara stated, sticking her chin out just slightly. Holding the palm of her hand out, she nodded directly towards the engagement ring openly displayed on Rey’s finger.

Rey’s lashes fluttered rapidly, taken aback. Her fingers quickly reached for the ring in questioning out of sheer instinct as if it were already gone. “What?” Though she had been too focused on what Shara was asking of her to hear the echo of her reaction resonating from Ben’s direction.

“Well, it is a family heirloom.” Shara concurred with an icy tone. “And unfortunately you aren’t going to be family.”

Rey gave the woman a long look, narrowing her eyes. “Poe gave this to me –.”

“And I gave it to Poe to give to you. I want it back. It belongs in the family.”

Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing as he uneasily shifted the weight on his feet and folded his arms over his chest. He eyed Shara with growing dark eyes in that of a beseeching glare. “Why would you take away the only thing that she has left of him? You already have the house, isn’t that enough?”

Shara opened her mouth to counter that it was none of his business, but Rey interrupted before she had the chance to speak.

“It’s okay Ben, really,” Rey reassured in a hushed tone. She gave him a look that was a silent plea to not make the situation any worse; which he begrudgingly submitted in acquiescence with a curt nod. Taking a breath, she slowly removed the diamond from her finger and handed it to Shara. “I never had a family anyway.”

Shara nodded mutely in thanks as she closed her hand around the diminutive object. Placing it in a small interior pocket of her Dolce & Gabbana purse, she bid them both a curt farewell and wished Ben the best of luck before taking her leave.

Rey hugged her torso, wincing at the abrupt jolt in her chest with a sharp intake of breath: as if she’d taken a fall from high off ground and knocked all air from her lungs. Her eyes remained lodged on Shara’s back in disbelief, completely forgetting the fact that Ben was still standing alongside her until Rey felt his fingers brush against her bicep in an attempt to comfort her.

“Rey.”

Rey sniffed, swallowing heavily to hinder the tears from falling even though she knew it was fruitless at this point. She could already feel the condensation breaching the corners of her eyes. She gave Ben a brief upward glance before shrugging her arm away from his touch.

“Don’t,” Rey said shortly with a derisive snort. “Please, just don’t.”

Ben gave her a knowing look; seeing the situation as Rey had already rejected him once the worse that she could possibly do next was either scream at him or ban him from her shop’s premises. There was also the possibility that she would slap him but Ben didn’t care.

When he reached for her again, Rey did neither of the aforementioned. Instead, she rose up on her toes to slowly enfold her arms around his neck, burying her face into the shallow junction of his neck and shoulder. It wasn’t until Ben reciprocated by wrapping his arms around her midriff that Rey started to cry. Once the tears started to fall it was already impossible for them to stop.

Rey wasn’t certain as to how long Ben allowed her to stay that way. She only knew as her sobs gradually, diminished into subtle hiccups that his arms were still wrapped around her, and that small area of skin on his neck and a partial section of fabric on the collar of his t-shirt were significantly wet from tears.

Taking a shuddered breath Rey pulled away just enough to look into Ben’s eyes, considering the warmth and affection that she saw reflecting through them it was always enough to make her to feel like she was drowning in emotions that weren’t hers. Neither one of them spoke nor did they attempt to break the mutual stare down. If she had to be entirely honest at the moment she didn’t want him to let her go.

Ben’s heart raced against his rib cage. His eyes gradually, descended to her lips that were hanging just slightly agape, enticing him to claim them with his own. When he moved his arms to rest his hands at the small of her back, pressing her just a smidge closer to him, Ben was shocked to see that Rey never made the attempt to pull away.

In fact, Rey took the notion one step further. She slowly unfolded her arms to cup her hands under the defined jut of his neck and jaw, softly grazing her thumbs over the subtle remnants of stubble from his failure to shave that morning.

She wanted to kiss him – more than what she was willing to admit. Beneath that burning desire, she couldn’t help but still wonder if she would only end up as a notch above the headboard like the other girls he had been with before her.

Ben flexed his jaw, considering his options. He was almost certain that Rey wanted the same thing as he did in that moment. But was it all happening too soon? The last thing he wanted to do was push her into anything when she’d already endured far more than her fair share of heartache as of recently.

He settled for the next best of thing so long as it kept him with her that day and asked the real reason why he had come to see her.

“What do you say we get away for a little bit?” Ben asked, his voice sounding hopeful that she’d say yes.

Rey blinked. Knitting her brows into a crease she was just as stunned over Ben not attempting to take advantage of her vulnerability as she was feeling disappointed that he didn’t. Her arms slowly recoiled back to hug her chest, suddenly feeling more awkward than ever as her cheeks flushed a soft shade of red.

She sniffed and ran a hand under her eyes to dry the remnants of tears. “I wish I could. I’ve already spent enough time away from here as it is.”

Ben arched a brow, pressing his luck to challenge her answer. “You’re the owner, aren’t you?”

Rey eyed him skeptically and shrugged. “Yes, partially but –.”

“Then if you can’t shirk your duties today, when can you?”

Rey cocked her head, seeing as Ben wasn’t about to back down any time soon. Business had been slow all morning; surely closing early for one day wouldn’t hurt. She rolled her eyes with a huff in surrender.

Ben grinned crookedly. “Good. Just grab what you need from here.”

“You’re a terrible influence, Ben Solo,” Rey stated wryly with a snort. She turned from him to grab her satchel, a notepad, and pencil from the register desk. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“You’ll see,” Ben replied cryptically. “But I’m certain that you’ll appreciate it when we get there.”

Rey tried to act annoyed with him, but it was the first time she was excited to not know what surprise he had in store. It was the first time she didn’t have a real reason to keep thinking about anything related to Poe.

**

Ben was the epitome of being impulsive. If the incident at the funeral wasn’t enough for Rey to learn that trivial detail about him it was the hilarity of watching him prepare for their spontaneous tight-lipped outing like an unsupervised toddler being set loose inside a candy store. His erratic charm was the complete opposite of Poe’s, whom always acted like he was being kept on a tight restraint.

But Poe also knew that Rey was never really keen on surprises. Still, the gesture would’ve been nice every once in a while…

Regardless of how many times Rey asked Ben where they were going he remained adamant and refused to reveal the smallest of hints. The only source of evidence that led Rey to believe that they were going on some sort of nature outing was Ben making a necessary pit stop at the local Wal-Mart for bug spray and snacks.

Rey assisted him in choosing a few varieties of trail mix, grabbing and tossing the containers into the shopping basket that she had hanging over the crook of her arm along with a couple single bottles of Propel.

She may have also snuck in a few Snickers bars, Whatchamacallits, and a pack of Twizzlers when he wasn’t looking even though Ben never gave her the indication that he was a man who worried over his figure. Not that he needed to, really considering he was built like he had been carved out of marble.

He may or may not have noticed the extra added junk food as Rey scanned the items at one of the self-serve checkout lanes: if that’s what his smirk had been acknowledging Ben never said anything to confirm it. He simply swiped his debit card to pay after Rey put up a haphazard argument that he insist on letting her pay for some of it – she lost miserably as he pretended to not hear her.

Their next stop had been at a small, privately-owned camera supply store located inside a run-down shopping plaza at the opposite end of town. Rey gave him a baffled look when he said it was to purchase one of the newer styles of Polaroid cameras.

She found it amusing, seeing that he had thousands of dollars invested in the highest quality of DLSR camera and lenses inside a camera bag underneath the back of the driver’s seat that he’d hidden after their arrival to the shop.

Rey had to admit that she was curious to see how such a primeval-looking device worked. She may have gotten a little overly enthused when Ben promised that he’d let her try it out later in the day.

When they got to their intended destination Rey was initially confused as to why Ben had brought them to Boulder Creek. She had been there on more than enough occasions than she could possibly count with Poe and their roommates when they’d go fly fishing at their favored location: it was a calmer spot just shortly down the stream before the rapids became rough and less frequently occupied by other fishermen.

It was the perfect place to wade and kayak during the hotter days of summer, and even better for those who were more interested in enjoying the afternoon tubing down one of Boulder’s renowned lazy rivers.

Still, what was so special about a place that she had already been to on more than one occasion that was worth closing the shop for the afternoon? She asked Ben just as much.

“I told you, you’ll just have to wait and see,” Ben reassured again, shoving their acquired essentials into a backpack that he drew over his shoulders to carry on his back.

Rey regarded the exaggerated amount of confidence in his voice that he was still certain that she would be happy with where they were going. She huffed, begrudgingly following him alongside the stream in unwarranted silence, mumbling obscenities under her breath that he had to of been overconfident.

When Ben announced that they had finally arrived at their destination, roughly a mile downstream, Rey finally saw what it was that he had wanted to show her. The sight was unlike anything she had ever seen and took her breath away.

There were rocks of all sizes stationed alongside the river bend where the water was estimated to be about ankle deep. The further that one would venture out into the middle of the stream the water became exceedingly deeper and rougher: one of the key routes that tubers drifted down.

The settling sound of water trickling over the tops of river rock along the bend was enough to ensure Rey that she wasn’t looking at a realistic image that had been manipulated in photoshop. Rocks, ranging in a variety of shapes and sizes, were strategically and perfectly placed to create tower-like sculptures in varying heights using nothing but balance and air as their holding glue.

Ben gave Rey a knowing glance as the corner of his lips quirked up into a smile as she stared momentarily, with her mouth agape and pupils blown wide.

“What do you think?” Ben asked, managing to sneak a candid shot of her reaction with the Polaroid he held in his grasp.

A moment or so passed before Rey finally turned her head to acknowledge his question. “How have I not seen this before?”

“They’re not always here,” Ben replied. “They’re not necessarily built to withstand weather conditions for long. I was lucky to see the artist building them when I was here the other day. I’m actually surprised that they’ve lasted this long.”

Rey nodded, meaning for it to be a silent ‘Oh’ in acknowledgment before smiling in admiration at the artwork before them. Leave it to Ben, of all people, to have known what would strike her fancy.

Rey turned her head in all directions, seeking out the right spot to sit down and sketch a portion of the seemingly magical scene to paint at a later date. She chose a dryer spot not far from where she had been standing and took a seat on the small pebbles of river rock with her legs crossed. She rummaged briefly through her satchel for the notepad and pencil that she had brought.

Minutes passed with the soothing resonances of nature and the occasional laughs of tubers passing by being all that filled the momentary gap of silence between her and Ben. There had been a few moments where Rey had to hold her breath as the inflatable entities came extremely close to hitting the statues a few times. Thankfully, it was obvious then that the artist had known what they were doing and avoided the general flow of the current as the tubers passed them by without disturbance.

Rey became so engrossed with her task that she didn’t realize Ben had taken a seat next to her at some point, fanning out a few photographs in his hand to develop the film faster with his legs bent and elbows resting on his knees. He watched her with genuine curiosity as she outlined her next project.

“What do you like to paint?”

Rey visibly twitched from her trance at the sound of Ben’s voice being so close in proximity. Feeling slightly embarrassed, she played it off as being a casual shrug of her shoulders. “Anything that inspires me I guess. Sometimes I’ll see a particular landscape or scenery and want to replicate it. Other times it can be something simple like a bouquet of flowers.”

Ben nodded, turning his mouth slightly askew. “Have you ever considered selling them at a gallery?”

Rey frowned and passed him a pensive look, idly tapping the eraser of her pencil on the tablet. “No? I mean – I’ve always done this more for myself than anything. I never gave the idea of people taking interest in them much thought.”

“Understandable.” Ben nodded shortly, raising his eyebrows excessively to imply that he understood fully what she meant. “I admit that photography became a lot harder to enjoy after I started getting paid for it.”

“Even after shooting models for swimsuit issues of Sports Illustrated?” Rey asked with a quirked brow. “I mean – I’m assuming that you’ve shot them, too.”

Ben wordlessly rolled his eyes and nodded.

Rey stifled a chuckle. “Okay, so, what do you like to take pictures of when you aren’t shooting sporting events or swimsuit models?”

Ben cocked his head and gave a long look at his camera like he was heavily brooding over his answer. “Landscapes,” he replied candidly. He glanced up to fix his eyes on Rey’s and smiled before snapping an impromptu photo of her. “And people.”

Rey smiled whilst worrying her bottom lip. She quickly diverted her attention down at the tablet in her lap, hoping that he wouldn’t notice that she was blushing at his words.

Ben imitated her smile and chuckled lightly as he grabbed the image from the ejector slot. “But, seriously, after all the sports issues that I’ve shot for there’s just something about being back here that gives me a reason to enjoy it again. It’s kinda hard to explain I guess.”

Rey shook her head. “I get it, actually. It’s because you can express yourself freely without having to meet the expectations of everybody else. You can just be you.”

Ben regarded her words momentarily. “Yeah,” he replied softly, “something like that.”

He attempted to steal a fleeting glance in Rey’s direction; however, the sneaking effort had been deemed unsuccessful as Rey had the same thought in mind. Both chuckled nervously at how pathetic one must’ve looked towards the other.

Ben cleared his throat. “So can I be the first to request a painting when you finally decide to take commissions?”

Rey shifted her weight to the side to prop her elbow upon her knee, allowing her head to rest against the palm of her hand. She regarded him with a forged contemplative expression. “That depends.”

Ben scoffed, “On what?”

“You still haven’t shown me how that camera works.”

Ben snorted and nodded. He took it upon himself to close the remaining few inches of the gap that rendered between them and showed her the fool-proof basics of how the device worked; which was simply the push of a button and not getting blinded by the flash.

Rey held the camera out in front of them, allowing herself to lean in closer towards Ben to get them both in the picture. She insisted that he attempt to be funny: she crossed her eyes and warped her lips into a weird, open-mouthed expression. Ben settled for something simple and gave her a look like she was entirely off her rocker.

Rey kept the picture.

In the long run what started out as a horrible, no good very bad day turned out to be one of the best days that she admitted to having in a long time. They didn’t make it back to Rey’s Suburban at her shop until it was nearly close to sunset.

What mattered most was how effortlessly Rey forgot that her ring was no longer on her finger.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut inbound!!! If it's not your thing please kindly ignore the last half of this chapter. 😏 Enjoy

Rey was growing impatient. She had spent the last fifteen minutes pacing incessantly across the hardwood flooring of what would be the foyer to their home. Unfortunately, the series of events from the last month had succeeded in shortening her temperament’s fuse.

“Hurry up, Finn!” Her voice echoed up the stairwell’s narrow enclosure offset by the Cape Cod’s main sitting space. The impatience in her voice resonated through the dwelling’s second floor towards the vicinity of her absent friend.

“I’ll be down in a second!” Finn replied back, his muffled words sounded further off than intended from behind the bathroom’s closed door stationed at the top of the stairs. “Go ahead and get the car cooled down!”

Rey rolled her eyes and groaned whilst reaching for her satchel, hanging from its designated peg on the coat rack. How much time did a man actually need to get around in the morning?

Even Ben didn’t take that long; who managed to maintain a perfect head of hair every morning after towel drying it without additional styling products. It was fucking unfair, really, if Rey had anything to say about it, considering she always had to run a flat iron through hers to make it look halfway decent on a productive day.

Anyways, it wasn’t like Finn’s effort to shower was going to matter in the long run. The hottest day of summer had arrived, anticipating the overall temperature to break into the high 80s without the forty percent humidity.

Throwing in the exertion of breaking ground at Poe’s memorial outside the bait and tackle shop they were surely about to require another shower at the end of the day – even if Rey would be simply standing around most of the time.

“Alright,” Rey retorted in resignation, “but if I have to text Hux that his partner in crime is going to be missing for another hour again, it’s your ass that’s getting chewed out this time!”

“You’re being dramatic,” Finn concurred. “It’s only been half an hour and I didn’t sleep worth shit last night. And, anyways, Solo is with him so Hux should be fine.”

Rey grit her teeth, turning her mouth askew she glowered up the stairs as if Finn could actually see her annoyance whilst tightening her grip on the front door knob.

“Five minutes!” She warned. Her voice rose up an octave to enhance the notion that she meant business behind her forewarning, hoping that it would make Finn pick up the extra pace. “If you’re not in the car in five minutes I’m leaving without you and you’ll be walking.”

Rey could barely hear Finn’s muffled jumble of words in response, shaking her head in exasperation she proceeded to do just what he requested. Giving the knob a harder tug back to open she acknowledged the added strain with a soft grunt. It wasn’t so much as being problematic as it was just plain annoying at times. The hotter the outdoor temperatures seemed to increase it appeared to make the old wood warp worse than ever each year.

One day the damn door will get fixed, she grumbled.

She anticipated meeting the scalding heat of the sun’s rays, but it didn’t stop her from missing the benefits of indoor air conditioning before she managed to completely step over the dwelling’s main threshold.

The overall effects exerted from the heat wave struck her like she had purposely walked into a sauna, nearly rendering her breathless. How did people actually enjoy making their body sweat in crevices that they never knew existed without dying in the process?

Despite the fact that necessary ozone warnings had been issued Finn and Hux remained obstinate from putting their plans on hold to begin the recreation of Poe’s memorial. The bait shop had been closed for the day in hopes of meeting their goal to excavate the small aisle of soil across the paralleling walkway from their shack-like building.

It was one of the few spaces in the shopping region that they found suitable enough to serve its overall purpose, and one that the city allowed them to use: plenty of sun for plants to thrive and enough open space for the monument to sit proportionally accurate with the added bonus that it was right outside the shop’s front window.

With the offered assistance of volunteer workers that frequently visited the bait shop they also planned on beginning the monument’s wooden framework that would later display Rey’s commemorative art.

Silently, Rey cursed her initial desire to tag along to get a solid indication as to how big the canvas would be that she’d be painting on and (maybe) get a head start on the project; even though it wasn’t due for another year. Because what else was there to do when there were so many enabled bodies that would be present and you couldn’t plant the flowers just yet? At least Rey felt that she could make herself somewhat useful in the meantime.

Ben offered to document the memorial’s early progress via photographs, specifically providing candid shots of everyone that shared Poe’s mutual friendship along with those who loved him most. Of course, the photos would be displayed inside a glassed-in enclosure surrounding Rey’s art.

Not being a girl that typically favored dresses over the coziness of jeans, t-shirts and sweatpants Rey traded in her ordinary attire for a light-fitting sundress that had been hiding in the far nether of her closet. She was surprised to even find a coordinating pair of strappy brown sandals within the mound of random garbage thrown about at the bottom.

The dress was nothing considerably fancy; however its practicality had been enough to convince herself to buy it in reservation for scorching days like the current. It was a mini dress with short sleeves and a crew neck. The slight curvature up the sides of her thighs easily showed off the extent of her mile-long legs. Its narrow, horizontal black and white striped design placed on light weight, cotton blend material made the garment the most contented choice for a day that was to be spent outdoors in the extreme heat.

Regardless of it not being her favorable choice of attire it was much more comfortable and bearable than the usual clingy denim shorts and shirt to cover her bra and underwear that always failed to give way in stretch; which always made Rey feel like the garments were slowly, dissolving into her skin and closing off her ability to breathe properly.

Some days being a woman just plain sucked!

It was the perfect day to shamelessly go all out commando. Besides, it wasn’t like anyone was going to notice – right?

The notion always left Rey feeling envious of men during hot summer days, having the divine luxury of being able to walk around shirtless and still be considered appropriate enough for public exposure.

But then the view was always more than satisfying to be content within her feministic stature if Rey had to think on the more positive side of things.

And it wasn’t like she was subconsciously imagining the naked broad chest of anyone in particular. Nope – not at all! However it happened far more often than Rey was willing to admit. Regardless of wanting to push such staggering thoughts aside the memories with Ben from the day before would unwarrantedly creep their way into her thoughts.

He’s just a friend, Rey. She chided whilst blinking awake from her daydream, yet, on the other hand she always managed to come out of the daze smiling irresistibly.

Approaching the driver’s side Rey pressed the button on her keychain to deactivate the security alarm and unlock the doors of her Suburban. The high-pitched trio of beeps nearly drowned out the sound of a woman’s voice graciously calling out for Rey’s attention.

“Excuse me!”

Rey paused with her fingers hooked under the vehicle’s door handle. Pivoting her waist to face the direction in which the voice’s originating source had come from, she glanced over her shoulder in time to see a woman deterring from the sidewalk to ascend their driveway.

The woman was considerably petite, barely managing to reach below Rey’s chin in height. Her oval-shaped face was framed with layered locks of black hair that fell just below her shoulders and shorter side-swept bangs that hovered just slightly over her benevolent brown eyes. She offered Rey a beaming smile that looked as if she were an old friend paying her a visit.

“I’m so sorry to bother you,” the woman stated near apologetically. “I was hoping you could tell me if this is the house that Ben is staying at?”

Rey furrowed her brows, hesitating to answer the woman’s question. An unwarranted ugly feeling slithered its way into her chest at the initial thought of this woman possibly being one of Ben’s old flings. She sounded awfully hopeful to find him.

Oh for fuck sakes, Rey. It’s not like you’re ‘with’ him - right?

Rey’s lips opened just enough to issue the woman a wary ‘no’ before the soft, youthful sound of a child’s voice shifted her focus from the woman’s friendly features downward to discover the source peering from behind her hip: a boy.

“Is this where daddy lived, mommy?” The boy asked. His question was directed towards his mother, yet his gaze remained entirely focused on Rey and filled with uncertainty as to who she was.

Rey nearly gasped at the boy’s proverbial features, like she had come face-to-face with a ghost from her past. Minutes came and went as she stood gaping, doe-eyed at the boy that greatly resembled a very youthful Poe.

His babyish round cheeks and button nose were clearly inherited from his mother, but the striking brown eyes hidden beneath short layers of dark curls were undeniably Poe’s. He was wearing an orange and white stripe t-shirt with a pair of khaki cargo shorts. Every time he shifted nervously on his tiny feet Rey barely caught a glimpse of the lights flickering along the soles of his shoes.

The woman glanced down at her son and reached her arm around to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I think so, baby?” Her response was in that of a question as she was still waiting for Rey to answer.

“Oh! Uh,” Rey stammered, blinking from the unwarranted gawking. “Um – I’m sorry, Ben just left a little while ago. I’m actually heading out to meet him, shortly.”

The woman frowned and sighed heavily, allowing her shoulders to noticeably slouch. “I guess I should’ve called him to tell him that we were coming. It was luck that I was able to get a couple last minute plane tickets here from California as it was. Oh!” She chuckled nervously. “I’m Rose, by the way. And you are?”

Rose. So, this was the woman that had been trying to get a hold of Poe this whole time? The longer that she talked the more Rey was able to place the name and face with the voice that haunted her thoughts since that night she listened to the voicemail. Rey took a breath and, finally, attempted to offer her a fake halfhearted smile. “I’m Rey.”

Rose smiled: the same genuine gesture that easily spread from her lips to her eyes. “It is so nice to meet you, Rey. I hate to bother you anymore than what I have already, but could you do me a huge favor and tell Ben that we’ll be staying at the Rodeway Inn for a few days?”

Rey swallowed heavily and nodded. It appeared to be all that she was capable of doing at the moment as her eyes gravitated to the young boy that failed to leave his mother’s side. He became oblivious of the fact that Rose began shifting through her purse, hanging on the side closest to him as best as she could without hitting him on purpose.

“Here,” Rose stated as she gestured her hand out to give Rey a tiny piece of cardstock. “Tell Ben that he can call my cell phone. I talked to him so briefly the other day I completely forgot to give him my number to reach me. I swear I can be such an air-head at times.” She concluded her proclamation with a laugh to help ease the lingering awkward tension.

Rey took the card apprehensively between her thumb and forefinger. Mindlessly running her thumb over the business card’s smooth texture, she chewed her bottom lip as she stared down at the Brushscript text printed over brightly rainbow-colored swirls on the background:

> **Rose Tico**
> 
> **Massage Therapist at Encino Hair, Nails and Day Spa**
> 
> **By appointment only (323) 555-7856**

Reading the familiar digits of Rose’s number immediately reopened wounds that Rey hadn’t allowed to completely heal, enhancing the harsh reality of who she was talking to. She frowned at the thought that, maybe, had they met under entirely different circumstances Rey would’ve been a little more welcoming to Rose and her son.

“What’s his name?” Rey asked softly, her gaze moved to regard the boy bashfully standing at Rose’s side as she slipped the card into her satchel.

Rose grinned and placed her hand briefly atop the boy’s head. “This is Brady. We call him Bee-Bee though, because he had trouble saying his name when he was younger.”

Rey nodded, cocking her head slightly she offered Bee-Bee a tentative smile. Surprisingly, her smile grew when he managed to return the gesture and mirror her expression. “He sure is small for being an eight-year-old.” Rey admitted, mistakenly expressing the words out loud that originally had been for her to contemplate in her own thoughts.

But – shit – he was exceptionally shorter than what most kids were at his age. He barely came up above Rose’s waistline. Maybe he was one of those kids that were shorter than the average percentile?

Rose scoffed; jerking her neck slightly back she regarded Rey with a baffled expression. “Oh, um – no, he’ll actually be four in September.”

Blinking her gaze from Bee-Bee to Rose, Rey’s smile immediately faltered as her brain began to absorb the woman’s words. Her stomach churned fiercely at the thought of what it all meant though she hoped that there was the slightest chance that she hadn’t heard Rose correctly.

“Excuse me?”

Rose opened her mouth to repeat the prior words, but the figure hastily descending the porch’s steps immediately made her pause. She smiled nervously as he drew closer.

“Alright, I’m ready. Are you happy now?” Finn announced as he hurried to join Rey, arching a brow dubiously at the back of her head as to why she remained silently motionless. “Hey, what’s going -,” Finn’s words cut off abruptly when his eyes met Rose’s.

His eyes flickered anxiously between her and Rey as their previous conversation had died completely on the spot, leaving nothing but a heavy awkward tension that could break the blade of a knife if attempted to cut.

Finally, he offered Rose a friendly smile and suggestively nudged Rey’s arm with his elbow to lighten the mood. “Who’s your friend?”

**

Ben stood silently, watching the events of Murphy’s Law unfold with amusement.

Nothing had gone right since the moment him and Hux arrived to the spot where the memorial would be placed. Other than being hotter than Hades’ nut sack outside, there were a few boards of lumber that hadn’t been delivered as Hux had requested.

One of the poor soul volunteers that had been placed in charge of bringing building supplies bought one-inch nails instead of two-inch screws

And the building site – fuck! That small, reserved piece of land had almost been held accountable for Hux, popping a vein from his forehead. It hadn’t taken no longer than a minute for the dozen or so crew members to discover that, beneath the few inches of top soil and rich layer of turf, laid an impenetrable level of concrete. 

It was now, without a doubt, obvious why nothing had ever been planted there besides grass seed and why Hux had been able to acquire the piece of land so easily. It was also why Hux had previously been putting up quite the bitch-fit when he called the city in regards to acquiring a jackhammer. Who knew the county’s officials would be so stingy to surrender a piece of equipment over for the day?

“You would’ve thought I was asking the bastards to surrender their souls to me.” Hux sourly remarked as he came to join Ben under the shade of the bait shop’s awning.

Ben had been leaning his shoulder against the canopy’s wooden post, fiddling with his camera’s aperture to get the correct lighting for the outdoors. With the sun’s intense rays bearing down on them it always made outdoor photography more complicated without having ideal lighting.

That was also if one wanted the individuals in the photos to actually look like people rather than gleaming outlines of figures in a brighter void.

Ben glanced at Hux and smirked. “Did you get everything worked out?”

“Fucking yes, finally,” Hux replied with a bemused snort. “And here I’ve been referring to this project as a ‘peace garden’ of sorts.”

Ben nodded, appearing to be in deep thought. “So, this ‘peace garden’ – do you think it’ll still bring peace into your life?”

Hux narrowed his eyes, wearing a scowl on his face. “That’s funny, asshole. Really, it’s fucking hilarious.”

Ben chuckled at the insensitive remark as Hux stomped away, redirecting the frustration to the next victim that had been standing by idly for word on what the next plan of action would be. His attention briefly turned back to the prior interrupted task before the familiarity of Rey’s voice made his ears perk and his eyes glance up towards her supposed location.

He could barely make out a word from the conversation she was having with Hux; however, judging by the way her hands were dramatically gesturing at her sides it was apparent that she wasn’t a force that should be reckoned with at the moment.

Ben frowned when he saw her glance to his direction, regarding him with a look of flailing daggers. If looks had the capability to kill on site he probably would’ve gone up in an immediate ball of flames. Swallowing heavily with confusion laying prominently on his features, he shifted anxiously on his feet when she started to approach.

Rey stole a glance over her shoulder. Seeing that Hux was busy debriefing the workers on the next course of action, she regarded Ben with firmly pressed lips and arms sternly crossed when she came to an abrupt halt before him.

Ben eye her hesitantly, waiting for her to break the unwarranted sound of silence though it seemed it was him that would be forced to do so. “Is – everything okay?”

“He’s four-years-old, Ben. Four!” She barked harshly. “He’s practically fresh out of pull-ups!”

Ben’s face went white as a sheet, as if his skin had the capability to be any more translucent than it currently was. His Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably as he swallowed the proverbial lump down in his throat. “How do you know this?”

“Why did you lie to me?” She demanded tranquilly, though her voice was tinted with pain as she completely ignored his question.

Ben grimaced as he regarded her momentarily. Taking a breath, he cocked his head towards the bait shop to implore that it would be best for them to discuss the matter in private.

Rey glared at him before making the attempt to lead the way, marveling in the fact that his shoulder noticeably flinched as she walked past him.

Good, she remarked to herself. Serves him fucking right.

Her arms remained crossed, harboring a firm yet impassive expression on her face as Ben closed the door to the shop unnecessarily quieter than needed. He barely managed to get the camera sat down on the register counter and open his mouth to explain before a loud crack, abruptly followed by a sharp sting on his cheek made his head jerk away in reaction.

Ben flexed his jaw, allowing the sting to surpass as he regarded Rey with a sharp intensity. There was a fire burning vibrantly within the irises of her eyes, though it was also apparent that she was just as shocked as Ben was over what had just occurred.

She could see the angry mark of her hand print form on Ben’s cheek from where she slapped him, but the gratification wasn’t enough to surpass the amount of resentment that she felt towards him. Her upper lip subtly twitched into a snarl as she flung her hand at him again.

Ben had anticipated the notion before Rey even attempted the deliver the action. He immediately seized her wrist, and promptly met the other before she managed to provide another successful blow to his face. Her arms wriggled and squirmed within his unwavering grasp before he pressed her back to the closest wall in proximity.

Enraged by her churning emotions, Rey’s upper lip curled into a feral snarl at Ben towering over her.

“Poe was just like you,” Rey sneered through gritted teeth. “You are a liar and a fucking coward. And here I believed yo-.”

“God damnit Rey, do I have to make it any more obvious for you?” Ben growled, his chest heaving as he held her steadfast to the wall. “I did it because I couldn’t hurt you anymore than he already has. I did it because –.”

Ben pursed his lips, immediately cutting himself off as he bit his tongue from saying such heavy words. He couldn’t tell her. Not right now. Not like this.

I did it, because I fucking care about you.

Rey frowned. A part of her wished that he would’ve said the words that remained unspoken, but then she was also glad that he hadn’t. The emotions raging inside of her were becoming harder to ignore as she had continuously forced herself to brush them aside like they didn’t matter.

They did matter – and she hated it.

She hated him for managing to bring such emotions to the surface that felt so wrong, yet so right in the same essence. The tension between them had been allowed to boil over for so long it felt like it was all about to come crashing down like a raging tsunami.

She hated those eyes and how they always managed to see right through her. And those lips that she had been wanting to kiss since the first day she saw him.

She hated that stupid subtle flare of his nostrils that had quickly become a dead giveaway that Ben was also struggling to hold back whatever it was that he was refraining to do; however, somehow she knew what that answer entailed.

She hated that he managed to make her insides flutter with the slightest brush of his fingers across her skin, and send her pulse racing to the point that it reverberated inside her ears.

She hated that despicable warm ache, pulsating with pleasure brewing at her core that made her clench her thighs together and bite her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

Most of all she hated that she didn’t have the slightest goddamn clue as to what she wanted to do about it all. But the worst imaginable thing to admit was that she did know, and what scared her most was that she no longer cared to hold herself back.

Temptation beckoned her to enact upon the desire coursing through her veins as her eyes slowly gravitated to focus on his lips. Every voice of reasoning reaffirmed the last remaining ounce of logic in her mind that what she was about to do would surely slingshot her complicated life into full-blown apocalyptic chaos.

But Rey didn’t care. She wanted him and she was done waiting – waiting for the right moment to happen when one could never exist: not now or ever.

Even if Ben could never have genuine feelings for her, Rey wanted to feel alive just once rather than feeling like she was constantly drowning in sorrow, anticipating the moment that the last drop of air would leave her lungs.

Without having so much as another thought against her actions, Rey rose up on her toes to lunge her body the few inches forward and crashed her lips to his.

At first, she worried that she had just made the biggest mistake of her life as Ben stood stone stiff at the unexpected change. Fear rendered itself into a tight knot in her chest before all doubt subsided into a contented sigh when she felt the softness of his lips tentatively move along with hers.

A simple taste of the other’s mouth grew into a fervent hunger that couldn’t be satisfied as Ben grazed his tongue over her upper lip. She conceded happily, parting her lips slightly to grant him access and deepen the kiss. A throaty moan of gratification resonated through his mouth in acknowledgment to her acceptance.

The kiss was unlike anything either one had ever experienced. Both were too consumed with greed to taste more than what the other was willing to share, and, too deliriously drunk on pleasure to contemplate the sensation of why their lips were tingling in that of a wavering static discharge.

He expected Rey to tear her hands away when he loosened his grip on her wrists. Instead, she slowly, lowered her fingers one at a time to intertwine with his.

Breaking the kiss he lowered his head enough to give attention to the prominent jut dividing her neck and jaw with a wet open-mouthed kiss. Lolling her head to the side, she breathed a sigh as his heated kisses trailed to the collar of her dress. He prolonged each kiss with a brief suckle of her skin, running his tongue over the sensitive areas that made her squirm against him.

His hands broke free from hers and ran down her arms to her sides to her hips. Grasping her waist in a vice-like grip, he pulled her flush against his own. She acknowledge the growing bulge in his jeans with a hungry moan, using the newfound freedom of her hands to tug suggestively on his belt in a haphazard attempt to free him from the confinements of the denim.

Ben gave her a short grunt in protest.

“Rey.” He said with a raspy voice, pulling away begrudgingly from his prior mission and attempted to back away from her.

She grasped his shirt before he had the chance to pull away entirely, arching her neck just enough to look into his eyes. She regarded his hesitancy with an evident vulnerability behind hers, like she was silently begging him not to deny her this.

“I don’t want to be sure about anything right now.” She whispered in a murmur. “Please, just let me feel something other than grief.”

He had hoped that she would’ve been strong enough to back down, to listen to him just this one time. The moment Rey released her grip on him to return to work on his belt, Ben couldn’t find the strength to tell her no a second time and caved to her request.

No sooner than the waistline of his jeans were pushed below his hips Rey grasped his shoulders tightly, hoisting herself upright to wrap her legs around his waist for extra support.

The motion caught Ben off guard. He wavered slightly back at the added weight in front of him, forcing him to nearly slam Rey against the wall with a hard thud. Whether it pained her, or not she never exerted the signs of discomfort other than the fleeting grunt as she was clearly dead set on a mission to be the sudden death of him.

His hands barely had the chance to get a suitable grip on her thighs before she reached a hand between them to take his cock in hand. He hissed sharply at her tenacity, entirely unprepared when he felt her rub him against the warm slickness of her clit. His brain never had the chance to properly compute how fast everything was moving before he was inside her entirely with a single thrust of his hips.

Rey barely stifled the inconsolable whimper from escaping her lips as Ben sheathed himself inside of her. The loud ringing in her ears nearly drowned out his throaty moan from his lips that were against her ear, acknowledging how her inner walls had to stretch ever so slightly to accommodate his size.

Her hand slid from his shoulder to grasp the back of his shirt between his shoulder blades while her other slipped through his arm and over his side to grip his shirt at the center of his lower back. The new position enabled her to press her chest against his, allowing her to feel just how fast his heart was racing if the indication of his sporadic breathing hadn’t been obvious enough.

“Jesus, Rey.” Ben breathed, his voice low and resonating deep from within his chest, momentarily overshadowing his struggle to breathe normally.

Rey could feel the muscles on his back grow tense with every deep intake of breath. She moved her head away from his, the chill of the drywall meeting the back of her neck as her position allowed her face to be slightly held higher than his. Her eyes, now heavy with desire, were able to stare back into his with ease.

Ben swallowed heavily, his breathing staggered slightly as she brought her hand from between his shoulders to caress the back of his neck. She wound her fingers up through the bottom of his hair, tugging downward gently to bring his chin up just enough to claim his lips with hers.

Keeping his grasp firm and not breaking the kiss, Ben moved his hips back enough to immediately drive his cock back into her. The first time rendered them both breathless. A barely audible gasp passed through their lips as their mouths opened slightly agape, the heat of their breath passing over their swollen lips for a fleeting moment during the broken kiss.

He moved slowly, steady, pausing briefly in between each thrust to acknowledge how hypersensitive he was from foregoing the typical use of protection. He allowed himself a moment or two to regain his bearings, focusing on the feeling of Rey’s fingers tugging his hair gently every time he hit the right spot.

Rey mewled softly when his hips met hers again. He pressed his forehead to hers, enabling her to focus on his sporadic breathing to control her own as if they had become two-halves of the same person. Every time he drove into her, she could feel the smooth surface of the drywall move over her back. She felt like she was flying. The rendered mush that was her brain enabled her to be unbothered of the fact that any of the workers outside could walk in at any moment and catch them.

Crossing her ankles one over the other, her feet hung just above the backs of his knees. She slowly spread her legs further apart, allowing him to grind further into her. A strained moan escaped her lips while she moved her hands to cup behind his shoulders. His reply was a mimic of hers in acknowledgment to the change as he carefully, shifted a hand one at a time to grip her thighs directly below her ass.

She yelped, jerking her shoulders slightly as she tightened her grip on his shoulders, thinking that he may drop her.

“Don’t worry,” Ben stated lowly in a ragged voice, reassuring her with promise in his eyes. “I won’t let you fall.”

Rey frowned at his words. She nodded, though he had already lied to her once again. She was falling; figuratively at least. She was fucking crazy about him though she wouldn’t dare to admit it out loud – not to Ben, to herself or to anyone else that was outside the confinement of her thoughts.

It was better that way, she figured.

His lips brushed over hers, barely giving her the chance to return the notion before he pulled away. The sounds of their moans and heavy breathing filled the room’s small interior at the newfound angle as he ground into her. His face was cherry red as a drop of sweat trickled from his hair down the side of his cheek from the quickened pace. He pressed his forehead to the wall’s cool surface so that his cheek was directly next to Rey’s.

Her eyes rolled shut as she arched her back slightly, digging her shoulders into the wall as his hands pulled her hips to meet his thrusts. He was getting close to finishing, judging by the sounds of his labored breathing and stilted pants in her ear. Every time his hips crashed to hers, she could see the flourishing wave of her orgasm drawing closer.

He growled out a moan as the heat of her walls tightened around his cock. Her thighs gradually began to constrict around his waist while she slid her arms over his chest and under his arms to his back. Tiny particles of light flashed before her eyes as every emotion she’d been harboring came crashing around her. The tips of her nails dug into his back and her body shook while she suppressed a sob into his shoulder as she came loose around him.

Ben came not long after as his grip flexed incessantly on her legs, acknowledging the intensity of the insurmountable pleasure with a series of incoherent short grunts. He held her hips steadfast to his, bucking his hips in shallow thrusts while he finished.

Silence filled the room as they remained clinging to one another with only the sounds of their heavy breathing seceding to a normal pace. Rey breathed into him, the smell of fresh air and Affliction cologne filled her senses as she focused on bringing her mind back to a more coherent state to consider what had just happened.

What had just happened?

“Rey,” he breathed with a ragged tone. He couldn’t move – didn’t want to move as it only meant that they would have to face the meaning behind the unexpected turn in their relationship.

She remained quiet whilst mindlessly, caressing the back of his neck with her fingers. She swallowed heavily, and breathed out a short gasp when he pulled out of her. Her legs felt like jelly while he carefully lowered her to rest her feet on the ground. In essence of her flightiness her hands remained momentary longer on his forearms to help steady herself as she came back down to Earth.

She chewed her bottom lip as she looked into his eyes, seeing them as being far more expressive than what she wanted to see. Something far weightier lay behind them than what she was willing to ponder at the moment. Realization figuratively crashed over her like a landslide as the reminder of what they had done remained as a dull ache between her legs.

Ben was hesitant to speak as he began to rearrange himself and bring his jeans back to their proper spot on his waist. “Did we? I mean, that was –.”

“That was a one-time thing.” Rey urged, quickly intercepting his words before he had the chance to vocalize what she was now afraid to come to terms with. Anxiety began to swell within her thoughts as she forced herself to look away and move past him, unable to face the surprised look of hurt on Ben’s face.

Ben blinked a few times to allow her words to sink in. He turned to protest her proclamation, but the shop’s door had already closed behind her. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, combing back the sweaty locks that were framing his face.

Fuck.

Things between him and Rey had inadvertently taken a direct turn from the muddled boulevard of messy and straight down the road of complicated.


	10. Chapter 10

Rey was good at fixing things. She could offer others advice while not being able to digest her own words in the same sitting.

She could fix accidental flaws in her paintings, forcefully having to blend the wrong colors in with the right to look more subtle and less like a mistake.

She had also become the designated ‘go-to’ person when something went mechanically awry in the house. It was a trait she had learned out of boredom prior to painting, during the frequent times she’d been left alone at her uncle’s flat. She would take small appliances from around the house apart to see how they worked, and put them back together without her uncle ever noticing a screw had been left out of place.

Life and love, on the other hand, were messier than the oil paints on her palette.

How was it that Disney always made it look so easy to fall in love, and ride off into the sunset with a Prince Charming when it seemed impossible that she would ever have that sort of fairytale ending?

But then that’s what fairytales were for: to help fill the void where true love would never exist.

Having just exited the shower a few moments earlier to dry off and dress, she stole a glance in the bathroom vanity mirror. Her head quickly disappeared inside her favorite shabby grey hoodie as she pulled it on to cover the tank top underneath.

Not bothering to brush her hair from the tangled mess that would surely be ten times worse when it dried, Rey switched the bathroom light off with a lazy flick of her wrist and treaded her way carefully down the stairs. She ignored the not so subtle voices of her roommates carrying on about the more than eventful day, and the pair of honey-brown eyes that were intensely boring into the back of her head.

“I can’t believe the fucker had a kid and never bothered to tell –.”

Hux’s words were abruptly cut off as Rey pulled the front door closed behind her, severing the line-of-sight that initially allowed the eyes to follow her. She flinched as the screen door accidentally slammed shut while shoving her fists into the ragged pouch with fraying edges at the front of her sweater.

The resonating song of crickets chirping carried through the evening’s warm, gentle breeze that remained long after the sun had left the day’s sky. She shuddered at the cold chill traveling up her spine and rippled over her shoulders, for reasons entirely unknown as it was still relatively warm outdoors.

She carefully climbed into her favorite lounging spot in the hammock and closed her eyes; her chest rose and fell shortly in a dramatic huff as she sunk into the coarse netting. Gazing into the darkness that was the back of her eyelids, Rey focused on the mellifluous choir of insects. She noted how they started off hushed in the distance, and gradually ascended as they drew closer to her precinct.

The accompaniment of a nearby tree frog would occasionally lend its voice as if it had been queued to do so, encouraging those residing within the surrounding lawns to answer: some appearing to be further down the block while one seemed like it was directly beneath the porch’s wooden flooring.

Nature really did have its way of expressing such beautiful yet soothing melodies; sometimes even better than those that she had stored away in the iCloud on her phone. It was enough to ignite the spark in the back of her mind that brought about the memories of her and Ben’s time together at the creek.

Ben.

There he was again, creeping into her thoughts, like he had possessed the ability to have some sort of invisible tendrils that enabled him to slither into her head whenever she let her guard down.

How could she forget when she kept remembering how he had whisked her away the day before, and marveled in the fact that for once she didn’t have to think about Poe – or the kid – when it was just simply her and him.

She thought about how much she had enjoyed residing within the entertainment of his company and sharing a moment of common interests rather than avoiding him, like she was now.

Being in such a small house with only a few places to divert from his path she knew that she couldn’t keep ignoring Ben forever nor could she deny the fact that they both had clearly wanted what happened to happen. It fundamentally changed everything between them, though she couldn’t come to terms with it being for better or worse.

Guilt came creeping its way into the shallow pit of her stomach at the thought that she had, undeniably experienced the most incredible sex she’d ever had with her fiancé’s best friend. Given the circumstances that made her enact upon it she couldn’t shake the thought that she’d just cheated on Poe in spite of him having cheated on her.

It was a whole new can of worms that had inadvertently opened, and left behind a mess that she wasn’t certain if she was able to clean up.

The incident with Ben was supposed to have helped soothe the itch that needed to be scratched, though she immediately discovered that the itch never went away.

No. It only managed to get worse.

It was hard enough for her to admit that this attraction to him had irrevocably gotten stronger. She couldn’t fathom the possibility of her being in love with him. Ben Solo and love seemed like two disparate pieces that could never blend appropriately together.

Besides, she had already been in love to know what love felt like.

It couldn’t be love – no way!

Her eyelids fluttered open at the sound of the screen door creaking open and closing, promptly followed by the shuffling sound of hesitant footsteps across the wooden floorboards. Her heart skipped when she turned her head to see Ben, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans whilst regarding her with a sheepish look.

A part of her felt annoyed after having successfully avoided him all day yet, in a weird sort of way, she also felt – wanted?

“Hey,” Ben greeted cautiously.

Her lips twitched to give him a half-hearted smile, though it was unlikely that he had been able to see it with the porch light’s very limited lighting. She remained silent, choosing to focus on her hands splayed over her stomach as she pressed a thumbnail tip over the other to make a light ticking sound.

Ben pursed his lips, carefully choosing his words that wouldn’t make them more awkward than they were already going to be in regards to the topic that he wanted to broach. He removed a hand from its former position in his pocket, nervously rubbing the palm behind his neck from the heavy tension that lingered between them. He swallowed heavily as he leaned the small of his back against the porch’s stone railing across from her.

“About what happened earlier – it never occurred to me until afterwards that we didn’t use a condom.”

Rey glanced at him and rolled her eyes. She stifled a bemused snort at how ridiculously awkward he seemed for a man that had such a disreputable history with the ladies.

It was adorable though…

“You’ve clearly never needed to talk about this before, have you? But if it’s any consolation, and you’re worried about me getting pregnant, I have an IUD.”

He sighed heavily at the reassurance, like there had been a weight lying on his chest all day and had it suddenly lifted.

“That’s good,” Ben replied with a nod. “And you shouldn’t have to worry about anything else either. I’m clean.”

“After the waitress even?” She countered wryly with an arched brow.

Ben grimaced with a cringe at the reminder.

“Then I was smart and used one.” He affirmed with a snort, his tone becoming more playful than accusatory. “You kinda blindsided me when usually I’m a bit more prepared. But are you, you know?”

“Yes, as far as I know,” she replied wistfully. “I probably should get tested again anyways, considering the man I was going to marry was apparently cheating on me with a massage therapist from Encino.”

He frowned at that, and shifted the weight on his feet so that a knee was bent slightly more than the other. “I am sorry, Rey, for lying to you. I should’ve just told you that she had been during you instead of before you.”

Rey considered him with a soft and knowing expression. “I know,” she sighed, “I’d be uncomfortable if I were in your position, too. I’m sorry that I slapped you.”

“Don’t be.” He assured in a low voice, smiling crookedly. “I may have deserved it.”

“True.” Rey stated shortly, though it was meant as a lighthearted scorn. Her nose wrinkled at a thought. “Did – Poe see her every time he went to LA?”

She gave Ben a wary look; uncertain as to whether she really wanted to know the answer or not. He remained silent, but nodded with a pained grimace on his face.

“How many times?” She asked through a brittle sigh.

Ben rolled his lips in thought. “Do you want the bullshit answer or the truth? Cause, believe me, I can bullshit until the cows come home if that’s what you’d rather have.”

She gave him a knowing look. “Just tell me yes to keep it simple.”

His tongue clacked against the roof of his mouth, inhaling sharply in regards to fearing that that’s what she was going to say. Rising to his full height, Ben slowly closed the short distance between them and crouched down next to her, resting his elbows on his knees. He gave her an apologetic look.

“Keeping count wasn’t exactly a priority of mine, though I can’t say for certain that’s what his purpose was every time. I wasn’t lying when I told you that Poe didn’t always tell me everything.”

Rey fell silent for a moment. “Of course,” she replied solemnly, “I shouldn’t expect that you would’ve had to.”

Ben frowned as he recalled a moment when Poe had confided in him during one of his visits to the city that never made sense at the time – until now. “I remember a night after he and I had gone out for some drinks. We were pretty shit-faced, so I can’t even begin to tell you what made him bring up the topic, but he made a comment that he didn’t think you loved him.”

Rey blinked rapidly as she tried to absorb his admission. “What? Why would he say that?”

Ben took a moment to think over his words, narrowing his eyes to better perceive a more logical explanation. “I think – he knew that you weren’t comfortable telling him about a lot of the things that happened in your life; which is why I was seriously surprised when you told me.”

She regarded him accusingly. “So, you’re telling me that he cheated on me because I was cold and unemotional and he didn’t believe I loved him? Is that supposed to justify what he did?”

“No, I’m saying that you knew just as much about him as he knew about you.” Ben urged gently. He hesitated at first to bring a hand up to purposely caress her cheek with his thumb. He was raving internally when she didn’t force his hand away.

“Poe may not have known the real you, but the Rey that he didn’t know is someone who I think that I’d like to know better – if that’s okay with you.”

Rey wasn’t sure what she wanted to make of his words as she stared at him intently. A long-distance voice in her head screamed fiercely in reminder that she was flirting with the notion of traveling down newfound dangerous territory.

Was she ready to take the plunge and settle into something serious, again – and with him? A man that was renowned for laying every woman that he set his eyes on.

Of course ‘serious’ could be used rather loosely at this point as he had only mentioned the notion of getting to know one another rather vaguely. Still, Poe hadn’t been gone for nearly a month, yet everything was moving so fast.

Was it too fast? And would everyone think less of her for moving on so quickly?

She debated over ways in which she could turn Ben down lightly, though while in the process she didn’t realize that she had been staring so intently at his mouth.

Bastard. What was it about him that always made her feel so weak in the knees, even when she was lying down?

It must’ve been blatantly obvious as to what her subconscious needed from him as she watched Ben slowly, inch his face closer to hers. Her heart raced inside her chest, waiting for what felt like an eternity before her eyes closed and felt the fleeting sensation of a chaste kiss pressing to her lips. And again; which, quickly led to that of another as his lips remained on hers for longer periods each time.

With that of a flawless ease Ben had been able to ban every single thought of why they shouldn’t be together from her thoughts. Nothing else seemed to matter when all she could think about was the softness of his lips moving with hers and the warmth of his touch against her face.

She breathed a soft hum against his mouth as his hand caressing her cheek slowly moved down her neck to the junction where it met her shoulder. She teased the edge of his upper lip with her tongue as she brought a hand up to cup behind his neck, holding him firmly in place. She could feel herself melt into him as he accepted her invitation and deepened the kiss.

A repressed moan reverberated across his lips, blending with hers as they wallowed in the taste of the other. He drew the moment out a little longer before Ben slowly, brought the kiss to an end.

He gave her a goading smirk when he pulled away, his face lingering inches away from hers. It was a smile she would’ve taken more into offense had there not been so much truth lying behind his words. “Just a one-time thing, right?”

Rey scoffed, giving him a contemplative look as she dropped her hand from his neck to his chest, resting her palm over the area where his heart would be. She could feel its steady rhythm beneath her finger tips, like he wasn’t the slightest bit afraid over what was happening.

“I can’t trust myself with you,” she murmured. “You’re not the person who I thought you were.”

Ben cocked his head as he regarded her softly. “Yeah, well, neither are you.”

**

The next morning, Rey woke to the sound of her roommates’ voices protruding through the thin walls of her bedroom: Finn offering his usual morning cheer that was promptly accompanied by Hux’s general snark.

Feeling annoyed of the fact that they were clearly unaware of how much louder they were than usual, she grumbled out a few choice obscenities into her pillow as she drew the quilt over her head partially, in hopes of muffling their obnoxious yet incoherent words of the conversation.

A moment or so passed that made her believe she may successfully get another hour’s worth of sleep when the conversation appeared to be tapering off in volume. Smiling happily, she began to doze off; however the familiarity of the woman’s voice answering in response to earlier parts of the conversation immediately cast away all thoughts of sleep aside.

Without as much as moving her head from the pillow, her eyes diverted to a sideways glance to acknowledge the owner of the voice beyond her closed bedroom doors.

At first, she thought it was just a specter taking up residence in her head that resembled the woman’s voice whom she had met the day before. She paused, listening intently for a response from the unforeseen guest that Finn was talking to.

No more than a few moments later her suspicion was exactly what she had feared when the vivacious intonation was heard once again, hindering her need from acquiring anymore needed sleep.

What in the actual fuck? It couldn’t be…

Quickly flinging the quilt away from her body, she moved hastily to the bedroom’s doors and, slowly, slid them open a crack so as to not gain any attention from the inhabitants beyond the threshold.

She blinked when she saw Bee-Bee, lying within her direct line-of-sight on his stomach across the main lounge’s area rug with his little legs stretched out from behind.

He had crayons casually scattered around the general vicinity of where he was coloring. His eyes looked heavily focused and his tongue protruded from the corner of his mouth, making a haphazard attempt at staying inside the lines of what looked like a coloring book page of Oscar the Grouch.

She gave him a look of empathy before the chaos just further beyond Bee-Bee’s position caught her attention. Her eyes widened when she saw noticeable and highly colorful crayon marks on the covers of Hux’s most cherished and vintage record albums that were strewn about over the hardwood flooring.

Hux would surely pop a vein or two over that one if he hadn’t already noticed; which, judging by his current pleasant demeanor that she could hear it was highly unlikely.

Her focus shifted from the boy that was dead set on ruining Hux’s day to see Ben through the kitchen’s window, leaning the back of his hips against the rounded edge of the counter near the kitchen sink with his elbows bent and hands loosely gripping the edge.

She immediately captured his attention as she emerged from her former hiding place, noticing how his eyes began to shamelessly devour every inch of her attire without so much as attempting to hide it.

His eyes descended from hers to take in how the thin fabric of her white tank top hugged her figure. The dwelling’s cool air conditioning made the peaks of her nipples easily stand out as they protruded noticeably through the fabric.

He wondered how they would feel underneath his hands as his mouth was busy entertaining hers, or how she would taste if he were to shift his focus and take one into his mouth.

He definitely would’ve been open with putting the notion into action had there not been a room full of occupants surrounding them, though his growing hard-on over the thought immediately depleted when his eyes met her hardened stare and arms stiffly moving to cross over her chest.

Rey cocked her eyes towards the unforeseen owner (on her end) of the woman’s voice coming from behind the wall dividing the kitchen from the main portion of the house, demanding him to explain as if it were possible for him to without actually speaking.

Ben shrugged, clearly uninterested over Rose’s ramblings and providing her unwarranted two cents as to “why the h-e-double L” there was so much garbage food in the fridge that could potentially mess up a person’s chi – whatever that was.

His expression grew more amused as Rose started going on about how she had been studying the benefits of Chinese medicine and their ways of better living, and that they were inadvertently ruining their bodies from eating processed foods. This was also him regarding the fact that she had brought store-purchased cans of sausage gravy: each containing enough sodium to fill an entire salt mine along with a package of frozen biscuits for breakfast amongst some fresh fruit from the market.

Rey rolled her eyes in response to overhearing what Ben was silently referring to and slowly ambled her way towards the kitchen with the thought of her usual morning coffee lying heavily on her mind. Coffee makes everything better.

If she had to spend the remainder of the morning with this woman preaching what she should and shouldn’t eat, she would be damned if she had to do it without having a heavy dose of caffeine.

And Rey definitely wasn’t about to let the woman who had had an affair with her fiancé tell her that she couldn’t eat junk food. She’d fight to the death over that one – sharpened nails and all.

“Oh! Hey, Rey!” Rose greeted as she pulled the can opener from the utensil drawer by the fridge, her tone being a little overly enthusiastic than Rey was willing to accept at such an early hour in the morning.

Who in the fuck shows up at 7:30 on a weekday morning to make breakfast for a household of people that they just met the day before?

“Rey!” Finn stated in that of an echo to Rose as he took it upon himself to open the bag of biscuits and arrange the frozen molds on a readied cookie sheet. “You’re up earlier than usual.”

Rey ignored his comment as she placed the desired coffee pod into the Keurig next to Ben. She stole a glance at Finn, allowing her eyes to flicker to Rose for a fleeting second before diverting her attention to the current task.

“What is she doing here?” She inquired bitterly to whoever was up for answering the question.

Hux was the first to speak up from his position at the opposite side of the kitchen, his voice resonating as a muffled echo in the mug that he had held up to his lips. “Finn invited her.”

Rey immediately flashed Finn an accusatory look. “And you thought it was okay to invite her over?”

“I thought she already knew everything,” Finn replied defensively, glancing at Rey from over his shoulder. “You mean to tell me that you didn’t tell her?”

Ben eyed Rey with heavy look of remorse as he stood silently, watching the developing drama. He took it upon himself to hand her the largest available coffee mug from its designated peg on the mug rack nearest to him, like it was an offering to keep him from being dragged into the looming eruption of hair flying and nail scratching.

Rey sighed and grumbled a near inaudible ‘thank you’ to Ben without so much as offering him a glance. She should’ve known that Finn would attempt to befriend Rose, denying that she was attractive was a fruitless effort to consider and Finn never hesitated to jump at the chance of making a new friend – it just wasn’t in his nature to be hostile.

Several seconds came and went with the Keurig being at work as the only resonating source of noise in the kitchen’s confined space as she waited impatiently for the device to finish. Everyone’s attention was entirely focused on her as if she were in charge of the outcome: it only made her want to get out of the suddenly cramped house more than ever.

Rose alternated with equally divided attention between Finn and Rey, harboring a dumbfounded look on her face at the lucrative details that she was clearly missing. “Tell me what?” She finally asked to Finn, and then looked at Rey. “What am I missing?”

Rey snorted wryly, though it was as if a miracle had occurred when the Keurig finished brewing her morning latte.

“Nothing,” she grumbled in a murmur. Her attention remained fixed on the warm liquid content inside her mug as she turned to seek the desired peace and solitude that the porch would have to offer. “It honestly doesn’t matter anymore, but it would be really great if she could make this visit quick.”

Rose scoffed at her back. “Well, that was awkward. Is she always this way?”

Ben worked his jaw whilst pondering the need to speak up on behalf of Rey’s absence. His eyes remained fixed on the door that she disappeared through as he responded to Rose’s semi-catty remark. “It’s a little more complicated than what you think.”

“Then can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Rose demanded, dramatically folding her arms over her torso. “She hates me for a reason and I would like to know why.”

Finn huffed in exasperation, finally taking matters into his own hands of bringing Rose up to their degree in knowledge over the delicate subject. “Rey wasn’t just a friend of Poe’s...”

**

Rey would’ve only had herself to kid if she were to deny being disappointed that it took so long for someone to seek her out on the porch, having already witnessed half the surrounding neighbors embark to their distinct professions for the day.

She just wished that it would’ve been Ben joining her on the patio’s top step rather than the last person that she was expecting to see.

Rose hugged her knees to her chest as her short legs easily bent to accommodate her feet being on the next step lower. She frowned as neither of the women attempted to break the tranquility that hovered like a heavy rain cloud.

Surprisingly, Rey took the initiative to speak first as she stared straight ahead, acknowledging Rose with a tone that mirrored her daze-like expression. “We were supposed to have gotten married last month.”

Rose pressed her lips as she casted Rey a sidewise timid look. “Rey, I am really, really sorry. I never knew about you and Poe never once told me that he was engaged. I mean, I kinda expected that something was going on at times. But I just want you to know that nothing happened after Brady was born, I swear.”

“It’s kinda late for that, don’t you think?” Rey snarked with a brow arched at Rose, attempting to throw up a mask of disrepair to shield how much the words had stung to hear. “But I appreciate the effort. Anyways, if you’re here about the money all you need to do is get one swipe of Brady’s DNA and it’s all yours.”

Rose blinked. “What money?”

“Oh, come on.” Rey snorted. “You mean to say that you don’t know anything about the million dollars that Poe stocked away for Brady?”

Rey watched Rose’s eyes turn to the shape of saucers. She stumbled over her words at first, trying to frantically find the proper reaction to the unexpected revelation. “I – uh – no! Are you serious? One million?”

Rey snorted cynically as she brought her now half-empty mug of coffee to her lips. “That’s another thing we have in common then, I suppose.”

More silence rendered over them as Rose fumbled for a more coherent response, chewing on the inside of her cheek in heavy thought. “I mean, this changes things tremendously – obviously. But I don’t want you to think that I depended on Poe entirely. Actually, Ben tried to give me a check earlier for a large sum; which I tore up.”

Rey creased her brows, finally allowing her eyes to meet Rose’s as she stared at her in confusion. Rose shrugged with surprised indifference over the matter, like it had been nothing more than a couple bucks that he had offered.

“Why would you do that?” Rey asked.

“I’m not some sort of charity case. It was enough to get us by for awhile, but I’ve never been one to accept gratuity without feeling like some sort of damsel in distress.”

Rey regarded her momentarily, allowing her expression to become more understanding and soften. “Still, the money is there. Poe made the account for you guys for a reason. I’m sure he would tell you just as much.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.” Rose replied. She went to add for assurance that Rey should join them for breakfast before they heard Hux’s distraught voice protruding through the screen door.

“What the hell, kid? Those are my records!”

The two women exchanged knowing glances at the other, stifling their laughter.

“Well, shit.”

Rey looked at Rose in surprise. “So, you don’t always spell out your derogative choice of words?”

Rose chuckled. “Uh – no, you have no idea how hard it is not to say fuck in my house at least fifty times a day.”

Rey laughed into her mug as she brought it to her lips for another sip. Maybe, it was possible for her to get along with Rose after all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, smut...and a splash of angst. ;)

If Rey wasn’t watching the digital numbers on the clock roll to the next minute, she would’ve thought the night was paused in time. The minutes came close to feeling like hours as the evening appeared to be unhurried to reach morning.

She would open her eyes after what felt like an hour’s worth of sleep, blinking once and sometimes twice to see that the clock changed only by a minute or two since she last looked. Sighing heavily, she’d revert to what was the failure of counting sheep: forwards and backwards in numerical order before reverting to counting headlights.

She eventually lost count how many times she saw the occasional lights of a passing car drift over the walls of her room, disappearing into the designated corner based on where the car was coming from down the street.

With Rey no longer using her sleeping medication at night it was inevitable that her thoughts kept drifting back to everything that had occurred recently. She couldn’t even remember the time or day that she decided against using it.

In spite of everything that she discovered about her late fiancé, she no longer felt angry or bitter. She might’ve involuntarily thanked Ben for that – in her thoughts, of course.

Rose spent the entire day with them at the house earlier, including making a body-cleansing dinner that they should’ve been more eager to question what was in it.

It was – interesting – to say the least, but nonetheless edible.

During that time Rey admitted to a renowned sense of admiration for the woman, sparking a possible friendship between the two. Rose was strong-willed, kind, and just as much as a victim that had fallen for Poe’s looks and charismatic charm; another thing that she could admit to them having in common.

At the end of the day Rose left for their hotel, carrying a sleeping Bee-Bee with his head limply propped against her shoulder. She smiled at the memory, thinking that a few good things had come from the rubble of buried secrets. Rose was given a son, and Rey – Rey had Ben.

Sliding her legs out from under the quilt she carefully crossed the room to her bedroom doors. She could barely make out Ben’s sleeping form in the living room’s shroud of darkness when she opened them. The only source of lighting was from the street lights creeping through the three small windows at the top of the main doorway, barely enough to illuminate the foot of the futon.

She took a few light steps to cross the short distance and slid under the blanket next to him, remaining careful not awake him – at least not yet.

Ben was lying on his back, oblivious to her presence since his face was turned the opposite direction in a deep sleep. She could hardly see his chest slowly rising and falling underneath the white muscle-tank that clung to his torso.

After a few moments of patiently watching him sleep, she brought a hand up to place under his cheek that was resting on the pillow, coaxing him with a gentle pull to face her. Ben acknowledged her with a lazy ‘hum’ before attempting to wake.

Men.

She smiled, keeping her hand in place before she grazed her fingers softly down his cheek, slowly reducing to use a single finger that trailed down his jaw to his chin. She retrieved her hand away to settle on her forearm, whose palm she held pressed against her cheek and separated her from the fluffiness of the pillow underneath.

Ben opened his eyes, blinking a few times to toss aside the sleep that was still lying heavily on them as he considered the form of the barely distinguishable figure next to him.

“Rey?” Ben asked sluggishly.

She nodded, though it was very unlikely that he was able to see her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Moments of silence passed on Ben’s side of the mattress. Scoffing, he frowned at her words. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Rey shook her head; feeling worried that she would only sound pathetic to him if she were to admit that it was nothing more than her feeling lonely. Her dignity over honesty was surely epic.

Ben shifted to lie on his side, allowing him to face her completely as the make-do bed shook along with his movements. His face was now inches away from hers; their noses barely brushing at the tips as he settled comfortably into the new position.

He draped an arm loosely over her waist, coaxing her to be closer to him with a gentle press of his hand against the small of her back. Inching herself closer, Rey closed the remaining inches that separated them, huddling into the warmth radiating from his chest as she settled with her head underneath his chin.

She sighed contentedly, acknowledging how Ben softly circulated his fingers consistently over the outer fabric of her shirt, loosely clenching and unclenching his hand as the tips of his fingers massaged the small area of cloth that covered her skin.

Eventually, his hand found its way up under the bottom hem of her shirt. He repeated the former motion over the bare skin along her waist, gradually moving up the mid-plain of her back. Closing his eyes, he lowered his head just enough so that his lips were pressing into her hair. Every slight intake of breath enabled him to wallow in the subtle fragrance of coconut that lingered long after her prior evening shower.

He placed a long kiss to her crest, his lips remaining in place as he spoke low and wearily. “I haven’t gotten the chance to tell you how beautiful I think you are.”

Rey quirked a corner of her lips and blushed, acknowledging him with a wistful ‘hum’ as she closed her eyes. She couldn’t help wondering if he gave every woman that line when he was with them. “Rose is pretty, too.”

“I’m not interested in Rose,” he affirmed hastily.

She frowned and huffed exasperatedly into him. “You make this sound so easy, Ben. It’s not that simple.”

His hand left her back as Ben brought it up under her chin, encouraging her with a bent finger to arch her neck slightly back to look at him.

“Given the circumstances it’s never going to be simple,” he said. He moved his hand, cupping her jaw where it met the base of her skull. “He was my best friend, Rey. There’s nothing that won’t make this any less complicated.”

Rey swallowed thickly, feeling her chest growing heavy with every word he said. She could barely see his eyes, but, judging how much she already knew about him there was surely some emotion behind them. His words always managed to bring about a begrudging effect on her, realizing that her body was no longer responding to her brain’s command as she brought a hand up through his arm to cup behind his neck.

“Then, why continue putting ourselves through this?” She grimaced at her words, knowing deep down how much she was lying to herself. “We could let it go before either one of us ends up getting hurt.”

“I would never force you into anything that you don’t want,” he affirmed knowingly. “If you can tell me what happened at the shop honestly meant nothing, I swear, I will never bring it up again. If that’s what you really want.”

The words were heavier than what she was willing to ponder, currently. Putting a formal title on whatever this was between them only meant that it was something that could eventually be broken. She had no idea what she wanted beyond the fact that now, at the moment, it was simply just her and him.

The reasonable half of her mind settled on the notion of just kissing him instead. Kissing was easy, and, so was the concept of physical expression rather than having to say the words that Ben was wanting to hear.

To her own approval, Ben didn’t object as he met her with his own determination. Kissing him now, felt different than it had the night on the porch. Like, he was pouring every word that his mind was harboring into the act, and Rey could no longer tell if her lips were leading the kiss or Ben’s.

She felt like he was pulling her into his own emotional spectrum of what he was attempting to implore earlier, literally as his hand dropped from her neck to grasp the back of her knee to hitch over his hip. She moaned in satisfaction of his cock growing hard against her abdomen.

A low groan rumbled in the back of his throat as Rey rolled her hips against his, seeking friction to ease her own growing arousal. Ben moved his hand from her knee and up her thigh, breaking the kiss in a moment both needed to gasp for air.

He took the brief moment to urge his free hand under her waist, tightly grasping her with both hands to shift their positions in a fluid motion so that Rey was now on top of him, straddling either side of his waist on her knees.

She shrieked in surprise at the sudden change, keeping a hand gripped tight behind his neck and planting the palm of her other into the mattress above his shoulder. Ben was quick to silence her outburst as he raised his torso up just enough to eagerly claim her lips once again, exerting a hum from her in content.

Keeping balance on her knees, her hands frantically searched for the bottom hem of his shirt. Ben assisted her, having to break the kiss as he crossed his arms to pull his shirt up over his head, tossing it carelessly into the dark off to the side. His hands immediately returned to her hips and pressed his forehead to hers.

Rey ran her hands over the bare skin of his chest, using her sense of touch to take in every ounce of muscle underneath her fingers. Her bruised lips grinned at the newfound urge to explore more of him, to feel and taste more than what she had denied herself from experiencing initially.

Planting a few soft kisses to his lips, she moved to the subtle groove along his collar bone, grazing her lips and trailing the tip of her tongue along the serration. Beginning her descend to explore further, the ends of her hair trickled over his skin along the way. Grazing her fingers tips down his sides, Rey used her knees to guide her way back, slowly until her mouth and fingers ended just above the waistband of his sleep pants.

Knowing what she was imploring, Ben raised his hips just enough for Rey to pull the elasticity down enough to free his cock from the linen’s loose confinement. He breathed sharply when Rey took him in hand, bucking his hips in acknowledgment to the warmth of her fingers around him.

His breathing grew sporadic when Rey began moving her hand in an up and downward motion over his length. She licked her lips at the notion that it would surely take more than just her mouth to pleasure him to the fullest extent. Keeping a hand at the base of his shaft, she gathered her hair over a shoulder with her free hand and relaxed her jaw.

She slowly lowered her head and took his tip into her mouth, exerting a strangled moan from his chest as Ben struggled to grip the mattress in his fists. She ran her tongue over and under his head, tasting the salty flavor of precum protruding from the tip before releasing him with a satisfying pop of her lips.

“Holy fuck,” he exhorted with a gasp. “Jesus, Rey, don’t stop.”

Rey grinned at the encouragement, proceeding to oblige him as she ran her tongue up the underlying length of his cock. Her hand remained on him steadily and took what she could of him into her mouth. His hips bucked slightly at the heat of her mouth engulfing him, exerting incoherent words of reassurance as she bobbed her hand in sync with her mouth.

She loved the feeling of being in control of something for once. She expected Ben to stop her from coming prematurely before the initial act, like her fiancé would’ve done. Instead Ben propped himself up with a forearm to thread his fingers through her hair with the other, gently massaging her scalp encouragingly.

“So close, baby,” he exerted as his chest heaved with stilted breaths. Closing his eyes, his head drifted back with enthrallment over the few remaining moments that he had left to enjoy.

She wished that she could see him better through her lashes in the darkness when she attempted to steal a glance at his reaction. Pride swelled within her chest when she felt the muscles in his thigh tense as she ran her free hand down, focusing on his sporadic gasps of air before releasing him entirely.

His hand left behind her head to grip her hand at the base of his shaft, assisting her with pumping his cock as Ben came onto his abdomen. He kept her within his grasp as his breathing quickly returned to normal, releasing his grip to cradle her face between his palms and eagerly claim her lips with his.

“That was fucking incredible,” he gruffly affirmed against her mouth. “But now it’s my turn.”

Rey grinned. Her hands moved to assist him removing her pajama shorts before a sound coming from the top of the stairwell made them pause on the spot, holding their breath in anticipation.

Initially thinking that someone was coming down the stairs, they waited momentarily as the sound of footsteps surpassed. Regarding one another’s bleak form in the darkness, they chuckled nervously with a sigh in relief.

“Stay with me tonight.” She murmured, taking his hand and threading her fingers between his. “In my room.”

Ben wasn’t about to protest. He said just as much as he quickly wiped himself off with the blanket. Wearing a grin on her face, she led them both into her room; which had perceptively better lighting than the former.

His hands were on her within an instant of the doors being closed. He assisted her in shedding her clothes, dropping each garment somewhere onto the flooring. He allowed himself a moment to take in her bare figure that the dim lighting enabled him to see: everything from her pert breasts to the definition of lean muscle on her stomach and legs.

Christ, she was beautiful.

“He was a fucking idiot, Rey.” Ben growled assertively whilst placing his hands to the bare skin of her waist, pulling her flush against him. His lips traveled in heated kisses from her jaw to her neck. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

Rey enveloped her arms around his shoulders, humming in gratification as she closed her eyes. She instantly felt every care come unraveled as she melted into the warmth of his bare skin against hers, no longer feeling guilty when Poe had been mentioned.

“You said that already,” she whispered.

“And I will keep telling you until you believe it,” Ben replied into the curvature of her neck and shoulder. “You better believe that I’ll be taking my time and enjoy every minute of this.”

His words inadvertently sent a ripple of goosebumps over her skin. Rey never got the chance to counter with some sort of a remark before Ben hungrily claimed her lips once again, cupping his hands to cradle her jaw in their palms. She hummed happily as he guided her to the edge of her bed.

His hands gravitated to just below her ass, giving her cheeks a firm squeeze before hoisting her up the remaining distance onto the mattress. Breaking the kiss Rey moved herself back along the surface of the quilt as Ben quickly chased after her, hovering above her with his hips now between her bent knees and his hands firmly pressed into the mattress on either side of her head.

Her hands roamed freely down his chest, over his sides and back. A throaty groan escaped their mouths as Ben devoured her lips with his. When he eventually broke the kiss, Rey was left gasping for air as his attention diverted to tasting her elsewhere.

Rey wound her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp with the tips of her fingers as he took her nipple into his mouth, alternating teasing with his tongue, nipping and sucking fervently. Keeping his weight on his forearm, he gently massaged her other with his free hand, noting how perfect she felt within his grasp.

Rey closed her eyes, enraptured by the heat of his mouth whilst imagining what else he could do to her with those lips. Her hands moved to his shoulders, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth as she tried to stifle a pitiful moan regarding the growing ache between her legs. He moaned into her as she rolled her hips against his, hoping to seek the needed friction whilst imploring for him to pay attention to where she desired it most.

She was relieved when Ben acknowledged the notion that she was attempting to implore. Puckering his lips, he released her nipple with a satisfied pop as he moved his hand to the apex of her thighs. He used his index finger to massage her clit in a circular motion whilst rubbing her nub with his thumb.

Ben was attentive to her reactions, grinning slyly when he could feel how soaked she was already. He repeated the notion momentarily before sliding a finger inside her.

Rey gasped at the newfound sense of relief. Arching her spine, her eyes rolled back and mewled a purr when he inserted another. Her hips rolled in unison with his thrusts, seeking the release that had long been denied that evening before it became apparent that Ben had other plans that differed from hers.

She was livid when he removed his hand from her and Hell bent on planning to deliver a line of profanity before his head disappeared between her legs. She was quickly silenced when she felt his tongue beginning to finish what his fingers started.

Ben cupped his hands up over the tops of her thighs, holding her cemented with a firm grip while his tongue grazed over her slit. He groaned satisfyingly as he savored her taste with every flick of his tongue.

“Oh – fucking Hell, that’s amazing,” she gasped.

It was all she was able to say without sounding stupidly incoherent to describe the sensation that was coursing through her body. Her hands balled into fists behind her head, tightly clenching the quilt within her grasp as she arched her back to enhance the feeling in a different angle.

His hands skimmed over the sides of her thighs to her hips, gripping her loosely whilst lapping her with the span of his tongue. He remained attentive to her incoherent praises, occasionally exchanging the former to tease her with a flicker of his tongue to meet her needs.

With a jumbled mind in a winded state, Rey wasn’t certain if she was able to properly cry out Ben’s name when she came. Her chest heaved in labored huffs as she attempted to regain proper use of her lungs.

Running his tongue over his lips, Ben savored the remaining flavor of her juices before trailing soft kisses up her inner thigh to her stomach and, finally, settling on her lips. She moaned softly within a sigh over his mouth, tasting herself on his lips.

“I need you,” she whispered as her lips brushed over his.

Her mind was too feverishly caught up in the moment to decipher if it was her way of saying that she needed him inside her, or if it was something far heavier in meaning. Regardless of what she meant, Ben quickly rid himself of his slacks without protest, holding her gaze as he entered her slowly.

Their shuddered whimpers were a unified echo as he lowered himself onto her. He remained mindful of her beneath him and kept his weight propped upon his arms as Rey lightly grasped his shoulders. His eyes held her gaze as he rolled his hips over hers, slowly meeting Rey’s halfway with her knees bent and her thighs loosely clenching his waist.

Rey closed her eyes, lolling her head back slightly as he peppered kisses over her cheeks, chin and neck. Everything about the moment was different. Like, they were making love rather than engaging in casual sex.

Her hands blindly found his at either side of her head to intertwine their fingers together, occasionally exchanging a tender kiss with prolonged eye contact. It was only when they came together that they broke their gaze. Their hands remained clasped as Ben breathed into the shallow junction of her neck, and she with her head turned opposite to the side.

He allowed himself a moment to regain some composure before rolling onto his back next to her. They remained momentarily silent, turning their heads simultaneously to regard the other with only the sounds of their winded breaths filling the air.

Rey smiled contentedly, rolling to her side to take up the empty space next to him. Ben happily accepted, allowing her head to lightly rest on his shoulder. His arm was under her with his hand lightly gripping her waist as she stretched her arm over his chest, bringing their sweaty bodies closer together.

“Do you wanna know something?” Ben asked seriously, breaking the silence.

Rey eyed him keenly, expecting him to admit something that was of high importance. “What?”

“I’m fucking starving.”

Rey blinked. She looked at him like he had just expressed the most absurd idea in the world and laughed: a laugh that was more genuine than she had done in weeks.

**

Rey expected Ben to make toast, or fix a bowl of Cheerios at 2:00 in the morning.

No, he was making them each a Panini with the grill that had been one of the many unwanted wedding gifts. There was something so domesticated about the notion of watching him build sandwiches in the middle of the night like it was the average norm – adding on the fact that he was also shirtless.

“How in the Hell are you so bulky?” She chided, arms loosely crossed whilst leaning her back against the counter they were standing at. “For being a photographer I never would’ve guessed that the profession required you to be so physically fit.”

“It is when you have to lug camera gear and lighting equipment.” Ben stated frankly, tossing a slice of cheese onto each sandwich. “Oh, and climbing up trees to get the best angle for a shot on the 18th green at Augusta.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Okay, but still.”

Ben shrugged and closed the lid to the grill, hearing the beep of the automatic timer beginning to count down.

“I also have a lot of downtime between shoots.” He said whilst turning to face her, leaning his hip against the counter’s edge with his hand resting lightly on the smooth surface. “Being a gym rat also helps kill the time, I suppose.”

Rey regarded him knowingly, cocking her head slightly to the side. “Why didn’t you ever settle down with anyone? It’s obvious that you are capable of caring,” she added with a goading smirk and a quirked brow.

Ben scoffed; chewing the corner of his mouth as he thought over a genuine answer. “I guess – I thought it always made more sense to walk away. My parents never had the best marriage, either. I guess it felt safer that way.”

Rey frowned at his words, considering she always longed to have companionship – a friend even, during her lowest of times. “It sounds lonely.”

Ben nodded pensively, moving to return the excess food to their designated storage locations. “It was, but it’s not anymore.”

Her frown quickly turned into a smile at his words. She was going to press the topic further before the sound of footsteps descending the stairs diverted her attention.

Her chest cramped at the thought of having to explain why she was in the kitchen, in the middle of the night, with a shirtless Ben making sandwiches for two – like a normal couple that was dating would do. Finn might’ve been easier to make understand, but Hux – not so much.

She halted Ben mid-stride as he went to put the cold meat into the fridge, placing a quick kiss on his lips and made a haphazard gesture with her hand towards her bedroom. He eyed her heavily with confusion as he watched Rey disappear around the corner opposite of where Finn was approaching, easily vanishing into the surrounding darkness to her bedroom.

Finn yawned dramatically, announcing his arrival. “Dude, I can’t believe you’re still up.” Finn stated groggily before the smell of something cooking filled his senses. “Whatcha making?”

Ben blinked from where he had been staring dumbfounded, momentarily even though Rey had been long gone.

“Uh, sandwiches.” He replied, scoffing warily to Finn. “I got hungry.”

“Hell yeah, I love Paninis.” Finn replied enthusiastically as the grill’s timer dinged to alert that the cuisines were done. “Are you gonna eat both of those?”

Ben regarded him blankly, like Finn had just asked him to hand over his liver to donate to the Black Market. Finn took the momentary silence as a ‘yes’ and helped himself to one of the sandwiches.

“No, it’s all yours,” Ben finally replied in a delayed reaction.

He went back to the former task at hand while his mind toyed with reasons as to what caused Rey’s sudden change in behavior, ignoring Finn’s praise over how excellent the sandwich tasted.


	12. Chapter 12

Ben never questioned Rey why she left so quickly in the kitchen. She never brought it up, and, additionally, he didn’t feel the need to press his luck with her more than he already had.

He pondered the possibility that she was ashamed of what was going on between them, but quickly pushed the bleak thought aside as he considered the bigger picture: things that appeared to make more sense in his logic. With a discreditable background, like his, of course she would be leery when all Ben had cared about was himself over the years.

He wanted to prove to her that had changed.

Being around her had awoken something inside of him, something that he never thought he’d be capable of feeling for one person and one person only. It terrified him beyond every measure to admit that he had so much to lose now, after coming to Boulder with nothing but a career to leave behind.

What happened when Rey came to him that night in the living room was something that he never expected to happen again. To his surprise, though, it happened the next night, and the night after that – and again the following night.

It felt like they were stuck in some gravitational orbit around one another; a continuous waltz that allowed them to come together at certain times of the day whilst being apart for the remainder. Ben could anticipate the exact hour and minute that Rey would summon him, enough to the point where he would be across the room at the same time she’d be opening her doors.

Rey would give him a faint-hearted smile and Ben would immediately claim her lips with his, hands cradling her face while she clung to his broad frame with a firm grasp. Every round of intimacy shared beyond that initial evening became more passionate. Kisses became more ardent; gazes were less intense and more adoring. Their movements became less zealous and more drawn-out. Unspoken words lingered within every gasp for breath, begging to be articulated, but remained to boil over within the pot of emotions.

Every time Ben looked down at her beneath him, or when Rey straddled his lap riding him, everything around her easily faded into a blur. She was the only thing that mattered to him in the moment, damning him furthermore into the name of a specific feeling that flashed through his thoughts.

Despite placing various blockades around his heart in the past, Ben knew that he was falling for her – and falling from a stumble that he could never recover from.

He knew the longer this continued it was going to be harder to suppress telling her that he loved her. Especially when she continued pretending that he didn’t exist in her life around her roommates. It wasn’t the healthiest relationship and he would be lying if he denied it didn’t hurt, but Rey was like a drug to him as much as he was her antidote.

He had been gone for over a month already, ignoring dozens of phone calls and text messages from clients that he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to overlook. However, day-by-day and piece-by-piece, he started to see that outer shell of hers break, making him feel more confident that there was a possibility he could fit in her life as much as he wanted her to in his.

Ben Solo – living a life that was simple? It was foolishly unheard of but, still, it was pleasant to ponder a future that he wanted to give her that Poe didn’t: one that he hoped Rey would eventually want to leave and go back with him to California.

Meanwhile, on the lighter side of things in Boulder…

Rose was spending more time at the house (specifically when Finn was there) making meals that they had to continuously gag down without offending her. Rose was sweet in character, but her cooking was simply – terrible!

Ben would’ve risked taking a trip to McDonald’s and eat food that was likely cooked up in a lab somewhere rather than eat something that would’ve grabbed him if it were capable, like something from a late-night horror film. He settled for saving his appetite for the midnight trips invading the fridge.

Ben was relieved when Finn suggested they take an outing to their usual fishing spot at Boulder Creek, along with Rose and Bee-Bee. It gave him an excuse to hopefully sneak away with Rey while the others remained busy going about their fishing business – and not have to worry about Rose’s less than average cooking skills.

Rey protested at first, claiming that catch and release fishermen were ‘heartless weenies’ that didn’t have the common decency to put a fish out of its misery after having a hook in its mouth.

Ben chuckled. He saved to tell her the truth at a later time and let her carry on with her proclamation as if it would change Finn or Hux’s minds – it didn’t. It only made Hux declare that he was determined to teach her fly fishing one day to see what all she was missing. It only proceeded to stoke the fire within her even more.

Ben found her fiery personality to be her sexiest quality.

**

The weather was exceptionally perfect for a day spent with nature, only in the mid 70s with semi-clear skies and a gorgeous view of Colorado’s mountainous terrain beyond the fresh smelling pine trees that served as a natural perimeter around the lake.

Rose barely made it out of the backseat passenger’s door of Rey’s Suburban before her face turned awe-struck, pupils blown wide with the ridges of her hands pressed against her mouth in astonishment over Boulder’s beauty.

“Oh, my God,” Rose gasped. “It is gorgeous!”

Bee-Bee took off like a bat out of Hell to the water trickling over the river’s bed of pebble stones, anxiously pushing past his mother to get the blinking soles of his shoes wet and ignoring hers and Finn’s pleas to wait up.

Finn, furthermore, ignored Hux snark how he got stuck carrying Finn’s fishing supplies along with his own. If Rey hadn’t known any better, she would’ve thought them to be an old married couple.

Rey did a once over in her review mirror, stealing a glimpse of Ben in the passenger seat directly behind hers. His head was down, enabling her to only see the top of his raven locks. His brows were heavily scrunched together in concentration at something in his lap.

Messing with his camera, no doubt, she thought.

Ben brought the DSLR along to get some candid captures of the group during their outing. She frowned at the thought that she hadn’t gotten the chance to see any of his work other than what was in magazines. She wondered if he would show her someday, if she asked.

Reaching for her satchel from the Suburban’s center console and holstering it over her neck, she exited her driver’s side door with a smile that exploited every memory of when she first witnessed Boulder’s magnificent scenery.

That was before Poe. Before everything went pear-shaped, when she considered her life predictable and far before everything became infinitely more complex.

Closing her door, she turned to see that Ben’s was significantly ajar with his foot, dangling over the edge from under the door’s bottom rim. Rey cocked her head as she ambled her way around the other side, curious to see what he was doing and what the window’s dark tint hindered her from viewing.

Heavily engrossed with camera screen functions, Ben didn’t realize that Rey had joined him until she tersely cleared her throat. He turned his head askance, giving a sidewise glance to see that she was leaning with a straight arm, her palm pressed unevenly on the door grip where the drink holder was on the side.

He acknowledged the feint glimmer in her eye with a coy smile. “Where are you off to for the day?”

“I’m not sure, yet.” She replied with a sigh, scrunching her nose. “I thought about the area downstream that we went to last time.”

Ben nodded slowly and turned his attention back to the object in his hands. “That’s quite the walk to go on alone,” he implored knowingly.

Rey rolled her eyes. “I think I can handle myself. It’s just a mile that way.” She replied, lazily gesturing with her hand towards the precise direction that she was going.

“I wasn’t presuming that you couldn’t.”

She huffed wryly at his remark. “Well, I was going to ask if you cared to come with.”

“So, now you’re uninviting me?”

“Now, you’re being ridiculous,” she quipped.

Ben chuckled. Acknowledging her comeback, he gave the camera a sly turned satisfied grin as he finished fumbling with the prior task.

“I’ll be there in a little bit.” He reassured as he held the camera up, giving her a pouty-look. “Smile for me?”

Rey shook her head, regarding his childish look with a frivolous sigh. She proceeded to humor him with a casual pose, placing her other hand on her hip whilst the other remained on the door with a devilish grin. Her smile faded only by a little when the camera’s shutter clicked, giving Ben a look that indicated if the photo had met his approval.

“Beautiful.” Ben commented, looking at the end result on the screen with satisfaction.

It was a comment she’d heard many times from him recently, and always managed to make her feel things about him that felt foreign. The space in her chest where her heart was placed felt flighty and consciously warm, imploring a feeling that she continued to stubbornly deny the meaning of. The signs had always been directly in front of her, flashing neon with the letters L-O-V-E. It was a word that still felt heavy on her thoughts to consider and even heavier for it to roll off her tongue.

Rey settled for something more subtle and leaned her hips forward just enough to plant a chaste kiss to his lips, virtuously prolonging a series of them that would satisfy her need for him. A shimmer of temporary fulfillment splayed on her lips and curved all the way to her cheeks. Like they had done something that the average couple would do instead of saying ‘I love you’ before they parted.

**

Ben took his time getting the pictures that he wanted. Not that he wasn’t eager to spend some alone time with Rey in a place that was considered special for them, but he figured that she would appreciate having some moments to herself.

He started off the candid photo shoot with Finn, Rose and Bee-Bee, alternating between close-up shots and long distant of the trio that was hanging out in the sandstone along the water bed. Finn appeared content giving Bee-Bee his first lesson in fly fishing while Rose casually cheered them on after it seemed that a fish was finally taking the bait at the opposite end of the line. Unfortunately, they had a few false alarms.

Nostalgia washed over him when Ben saw that Finn had given Bee-Bee his father’s ‘lucky’ fisherman’s hat, displaying Poe’s favorite lures that enabled him to reel in more trout than either of them during outings as kids. It was bittersweet yet heartwarming to see Finn taking the initiative to do what Poe wasn’t able to do in person.

Bee-Bee started getting impatient, as expected of the average 4-year-old when it seemed apparent that they weren’t going to see a fish that day.

After what felt like hours of hopelessly waiting, Finn cried out excitedly for the boy to help him reel in the first catch of the day. Quickly adjusting the camera’s aperture and setting it to photograph continuous frames, Ben successfully documented the entire moment.

Finn generously handed full credit over to Bee-Bee once the fish was within Finn’s grasp to remove the hook. The innocent look of a child in awe on Bee-Bee’s face was priceless.

Afterwards, Ben snuck in a few covert shots of Hux wading waist-deep in his Carhart fishing waders when he wasn’t looking, casting the fishing lure into the deeper depths of the water.

Feeling satisfied with the dozens of images he’d been able to capture, Ben set off to join Rey at their spot further down the creek as he promised. He found her sitting in the grass where it met the sandstone, slightly less than 100-feet back from the renowned artist of the rock sculptures.

The man appeared to be the same age as Ben, wearing a red and plaid ball-cap with cargo shorts and a scrub t-shirt. He remained deeply absorbed within the trans-like state while he worked his surrealistic magic with patience, discipline and a determined focus.

Rey paid little attention to Ben when he took a seat next to her, not even with a flinch when he nudged her elbows with his as he mirrored her cross-legged position. He silently regarded the peaceful look on her face, which was also tinted with a hint of sadness.

“They must’ve collapsed sometime since we were here last,” she murmured solemnly to state the obvious.

Ben nodded in agreement, scoffing as he set his camera safely to his side in a dry patch of turf. “It was bound to happen,” he assured. “They’re in good hands, though. If it’s any consolation I can guarantee that he has a few of them done by this evening.”

She nodded briefly; feeling reassured that Ben was certain that they’d be able to see a sculpture or two during their visit. A smile perked at the corners of her lips, acknowledging a specific moment within a long-distant memory that felt somewhat relevant to what they were currently doing.

“I did this in London, once,” she said wistfully. Her voice sounded far off like she spoke from within a dream. “It was the only time I could recall being happy living with my uncle. He took me downtown for a quick outing, and I watched this man paint for what felt like hours. It was the best moment of my life at the time.”

Ben frowned, brooding over the words that gave him a clearer indication as to how her life was like prior to Boulder. “Tell me something else that I don’t know about you.”

Rey chewed the inside of her bottom lip, breaking her line of sight from the artist to look at Ben. “Like what?”

“Anything,” he encouraged gently. “Anything that you want to share.”

Rey gave him a long look whilst sifting through her thoughts, searching for something that was interesting enough to oblige him with. She inhaled a gasp as a playful expression crossed over her face.

“I kissed a girl once.”

Ben gave her a false look of surprise. “Really?”

“Mmhmm,” she teased, flashing him a wicked grin. “And I liked it.”

“Bullshit.”

“Okay,” she laughed, playfully nudging his shoulder with hers. “I never did that. But I do actually love natural disasters. And I use to steal library books.”

Ben’s chest heaved as he laughed at the notion. “I never would’ve guessed that you had such a rebellious side.”

Rey laughed along with him. “And I may have accidentally killed my goldfish once.”

“This is coming from someone who calls catch and release fishermen ‘heartless weenies’?” He goaded. “I’m calling P.E.T.A.”

“I swear it really was an accident. I named him Threepio because he had three black spots that looked like O’s,” her fingers formed on a hand to make an Oh shape to prove her point. “Anyways, I thought when you cleaned fish that you had to give them baths, so I gave him a bubble bath.”

Ben shook his head in disbelief. “You just wait ‘til Finn and Hux hear about this.”

Their laughter gradually diminished into a companionable silence, sitting and watching the artist work in amaze. A few minutes passed since either of them last spoke before Rey’s awareness shifted back to Ben, wearing a mellow and pensive expression on her face.

“Do you wanna know something else?”

Ben eyed her skeptically. “Should I brace myself for you to admit that there are dead bodies buried in the backyard?”

“No.” She smiled reassuringly and put her hand on Ben’s, threading her fingers through the spaces between his. It was a notion that should’ve been expected yet he found it utterly unexpected. “Before I slept with a guy, I use to have this silly rule to always know his mother’s maiden name. Just to avoid being with the wrong guy.”

Ben frowned, looking at their clasped hands. “So, I guess it’s too late to say that my mother’s maiden name is Organa.”

“No,” Rey stated frankly whilst rolling her eyes. She shifted her weight more onto her hip to lean her head on Ben’s shoulder, resting her free arm over her lap. “Lucky for you, I already know your mom.”

“Well, that’s a relief then.”

Rey could hear the smile in his reply. He confirmed the belief when she felt the upright curvature of his lips when he brought their hands up and kissed her knuckles, returning them to rest on his upper thigh.

“Do you want to do something tonight?” He asked apprehensively. “Like – go somewhere, do something normal.”

Rey snorted. “Are we capable of doing anything normal?”

“Probably not,” he replied with a grunt. “But maybe for the night we can.”

“What do you want to do?” She asked, worrying her bottom lip.

“You choose.”

“How about a movie? A movie is normal.”

“A movie it is,” Ben declared officially. “And dinner. I know of the best Mexican restaurant in town. That is if you like Mexican food.”

Rey hummed contentedly. She could hear her stomach already growling at the thought of tacos and enchiladas. Just imagining them was already making her mouth water. “I love it, but if I didn’t know any better I would say that this sounds more like a date.”

“Only if you want it to be,” he stated with a gentle squeeze of her hand.

Rey didn’t reply. She supplemented the silence with a smile and squeezed his hand back. He smiled when she did, and cocked his head significantly to rest atop hers. They sat in a companionable silence, watching the man before them remain unbothered of the fact that he had gained a prolonged audience as he carried on with the next project.

The hours passed within the mere blink of an eye as they engaged further in planning their evening, specifically about the movie that they were going to see. Ben insisted that they watch Crazy Rich Asians while Rey begged him to see Mamma Mia 2.

Ben lost miserably, and remained convinced that Rey would be the death of him at some point. He could already imagine what Finn and Hux would have to say about this, which may have been a good thing that they didn’t know about his and Rey’s secretive affair.

After all, Ben still had a little bit of dignity left to keep intact.

**

Armitage Hux was a man who possessed very little capability of not expressing his thoughts. It most likely explained why the only close friends that he ever had were Poe, Finn and Ben. He blamed the skill as something that he’d acquired from years of working with the public.

It paid to be a ‘not very likeable’ person at times.

Along with said ability he was also a person who was very seldom rendered speechless. But there was also said to be a first time for everything and Hux wasn’t about to be an exclusion to the rule. Seeing Rey holding hands with Ben was enough to suck the words dry from his vocal cords.

Ben and Rey. Rey and Ben. When, and how in the Hell did that happen?

He had to blink a few times to make sure that his eyes weren’t just playing tricks on him because those two – together – was like forcing fire to blend with ice. It was impossible, or so he initially thought.

After the third or fourth blink he realized that sometime during the brief moment he’d seen the backs of his eyelids Rey was alone, walking towards him from her Suburban like she had been on the unaccompanied leisure stroll the entire time.

Hux quickly looked away to hide that he’d been gawking like a fat kid would look at a cake. He went about gathering up his fishing equipment nonchalantly, as if he didn’t notice Rey before she started to approached.

“Where’d you run off to this whole time?” Hux asked from his crouched position when she drew closer.

“Just a little ways down the creek.” Rey replied with a wave of her hand towards the proposed direction. “I wanted to do some sketching of a certain spot that I’ve wanted to paint for some time.”

It wasn’t a complete lie, necessarily, she thought to herself. She hoped that Hux would buy the excuse.

Hux refrained from suppressing his curiosity. “Alone?”

He scoffed when she nodded. Hux knew he wasn’t that stupid to believe that he’d imagined what he saw. He continued to eye her skeptically, wondering if what he saw had been something that Rey never intended for him to see as she nervously shifted her weight on the soles of her Converse.

This is definitely going to be interesting, Hux admitted humorously to himself.

Rey caught her bottom lip between her teeth as anxiety began to swell within her sternum at the thought her and Ben had been caught. She knew it was wrong to keep up the act that Ben didn’t matter to her when he did. How could she explain the situation to someone else, when she was unable to explain what was happening to herself?

“Why?” Rey asked apprehensively, hugging her torso and dreading his answer.

Hux shrugged casually. “No reason, just curious is all.”

Rey heaved a sigh in relief, her shoulders noticeably rising and falling with the notion that would’ve been more obvious if Hux hadn’t been busy gathering his equipment into his arms. She cast a glimpse in the direction she saw Finn and Rose along with Bee-Bee on her way to join her friend.

She smiled wistfully at the pair, admiring them enviously for the fact that things appeared to be so much less complicated between them than things were for her and Ben. Why was it that she couldn’t just allow herself to be openly happy with him, like Finn was with Rose?

“Looks like Finn and Rose are having a good time.”

“Yes.” Hux wryly replied as he rose to his full height, carrying his fishing rod in one hand while the other was occupied with the tackle box and had his fishing waders folded in the crevice of his arm against his side. “But next time I’m finding another fishing spot – away from them. The kid kept catching all of the damn fish.”

Hux scowled with narrowed eyes at Rey, regarding her chuckle at his declaration. “Yeah, yeah, I know that you don’t care.”

“I may or may not have wished for a few to be spared of torture for the day,” Rey admitted teasingly. She joined alongside him in notion to begin trekking back to the Suburban.

“Hey, how’s come you aren’t seeing anyone?” She asked abruptly, knitting her brows. “I thought you were seeing ‘what’s her name’.”

Hux was taken aback by the question. “Where’s this coming from?” He asked, arching a brow in her direction.

“Just curious I guess,” she replied with a shrug.

“Gwenyth, you mean.” He stated with a short huff. “Yeah, we talk off and on occasionally.”

“You should take her out some night. I’ve seen you’re schedule, Hugs, and you’re not very busy.”

Hux chuckled and gave Rey a sidewise glance in her direction. He definitely wasn’t going to tell Rey that he sort of had a crush on her when she and Poe first started dating. Hux always considered Poe to be the better man (at the time) out of the two, and begrudgingly allowed that crush to subside into perceiving Rey as being more of his sister.

He most certainly wasn’t about to admit that his crush hindered him from pursuing anything with the woman that was in question. Now that the topic was being brought up again, it made him consider whether Rey had a relevant point to the notion.

“You’re right. I’ll call her tonight.” Hux stated along with a devious smirk. “I’m sure that you and Solo will enjoy having the house to yourselves.”

Rey’s mouth went dry at Hux’s comment, making the endeavor of swallowing properly harder to endure. She had to force her brain to recover from the momentary lapse of becoming thunderstruck, and think of a suitable response that sounded believable.

“It’s not like I haven’t been alone with him before. I was planning on painting anyways.”

“Is that what you kids are calling ‘fucking’ these days?”

Rey scowled a glare as she backhanded Hux’s bicep. “You’re delusional,” she sneered.

Hux was unmoved by her botched cover-up, but he humored Rey into thinking that she had him fooled and dropped the topic altogether. It was the least that he could do. He already had more than enough proof to confirm that he was right.

Yes, they’re definitely banging.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pain train is here. :( Sorry!!! I'll try to post the feel-better chapters before Christmas. I wanted to get the worst of it out of the way.

Rey kept assuring herself that the evening out with Ben wasn’t a date. However, as the minutes receded beyond the near 2-hour showing of Mamma Mia 2, it was becoming harder to replace the term with what she was searching for. And truthfully – Rey was no longer sure if she wanted it to not be a date as Ben led them to the chosen restaurant for the post-movie dinner.

She was starting to realize that she had become trapped in a state of continuously craving his touch. Her fingers grew anxious and fidgety if they weren’t intertwined with his, whether they walked or sat alongside each other. When her hand was clasping his, their palms felt hot to the touch. It wasn’t the sort of heat that typically made a person retrieve their hand away for safekeeping.

No, as a matter of fact, it was a complete and total opposite reaction.

Like a lunar moth being drawn to a light bulb at night, Rey would find herself leaning further into him. Sometimes she would have a hand, cupping beneath his forearm whilst keeping their fingers of the other hand threaded together, leaning her shoulder into his bicep if it were possible to grow closer to him. For reasons unknown, whether it was paranoia or just out of sheer need to be physically close to someone, Rey feared letting him go would only allow him to leave without giving her the allotted time to react.

Other times, like now, Rey begrudgingly settled with Ben’s hand at the small of her back, urging her to be the first to pass through the iron gate of Centro’s patio seating.

Strands of white LED lights draped Centro Mexican Kitchen’s iron-awnings like garland during the winter holidays, casting a dream-like sort of ambiance to the overall setting. It was sincerely beautiful, charming – romantic. It was the type of scenery that would’ve existed in one of those cheesy Hallmark movies, enhancing the churning emotions that felt so proverbial yet foreign at the same time. It made the warmth that satiated the space surrounding her heart feel heavier, needier, to express how much Ben was coming to mean to her.

In spite of the unavoidable urge for Rey to speak such poignant words to Ben, the zesty aroma of fried peppers and beef combined with other blends of spicy food in the area was enough to keep her thoughts absorbed in other places for awhile longer. Like paying tribute to the growling in the hollow crater that was her stomach.

Rey chose a table for them at the far side of the terrace, nearest to the wrought-iron fence that lined the sidewalk opposite where pedestrians passed at their leisure. She smiled as Ben chivalrously pulled the chair out for her before claiming the seat next to hers. Who knew he could be such a gentleman? Considering he did hog most of the popcorn during the movie, but Rey gave him benefit of the doubt and blamed it on the monstrosity that were his larger than average hands rather than the size of his appetite.

At least his hands were good for other things besides sharing popcorn…

After being promptly greeted by a server to take their drink order – Ben ordering a 16oz Blue Moon and she a Long Island – Rey wasted no time inspecting choices on the menu. She had it lying open flat on the table with one arm folded over the other, one hand gently kneading her arm above her elbow. Judging by the crease that was linking her knitted brows, Rey looked as if she were about to make the biggest decision of her life.

Then again, maybe she was, Ben thought. Rey always seemed to take food to a whole new level of seriousness.

“You should try the empanadas,” Ben suggested, harboring an amused look on his face. “They’re the best here in Boulder.”

“Yeah?” Rey asked, keeping her attention down to the menu. “Are they your favorite?”

She was torn among two choices. The rosarito peronne: grilled flank steak tacos that were served with charro beans, a melted asadero that she had no clue how to properly pronounce, a tomatillo salsa and radish. The other was the simple chicken quesadilla, because the price tag on everything else was enough to make her insides squirm over the fact of spending so much money on just a small plate of food. Had it not been for him speaking up, she foolishly considered playing a quick game of eenie meenie miney moe; without Ben knowing of course.

“No,” Ben corrected, his low voice adopting a grave tone. “But my father ordered them every time we use to come here. It’s what he used to say about them.”

Rey finally looked up, deflecting her interest from the menu to Ben. The painful timbre in which he spoke was in correlation to the stare he was giving his thumbs, one massaging the other with the right hand cupping his left. The only time she could recall him ever mentioning his father was when Ben had been helping her move belongings from Poe’s house. Since then, the topic was considered long dead and mute between them. To hear him mentioning his father now, out of the blue, was entirely unexpected.

As if on cue, the server was quick to return with their drinks and asked if they were ready to place their order. Heeding to Ben’s advice, Rey ordered the empanadas without further question. Ben ordered the enchiladas suiza, reciting the name of the entree as if he’d said it a hundred times before. Rey realized then, as the server collected their menus that Ben’s had been left untouched the entire time.

“You must miss him terribly.” Rey uttered out of concern, tilting her head slightly to the side.

Ben scoffed with a noticeable twitch of a muscle underneath his right eye preceding, shortly after as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It was a little tick, Rey realized, Ben always had when he was becoming uncomfortable.

“We may not have gotten along for the most part, but it never meant that I didn’t love him less.” Ben frowned, swallowing the profound weight of the words down as he continued to speak. “I just wish I would’ve got to tell him.”

Rey considered him knowingly, catching the side of her bottom lip with an upper incisor.

“I would like to think that he already knew,” she reassured, placing a comforting hand atop his and giving them a firm squeeze. She dipped her head low enough to capture his gaze, having previously relented from meeting hers. “I believe that.”

Ben surrendered a heavy sigh and nodded, coaxing a hand out from under her hold to place atop hers. “What about you? Do you miss your parents?”

Rey blinked whilst lowering her eyes, setting her sights upon the ring of condensation gathering on the coaster around the bottom rim of Ben’s beer glass. “Yes?” She replied tentatively, furrowing her brows as if it would help her better perceive the words she was searching for. “But in the same sense I was very young, everything is vague. I couldn’t begin to tell you now, what they looked or sounded like. It’s been so long.”

Ben coaxed her to continue, gently massaging her hand along the ridges of her knuckles.

“Does that make me a bad person?” Rey asked, looking at him with shame written over her face. “To say that I don’t miss them because I don’t remember them?”

Ben shook his head, his eyes warm and lacking judgment. “You’re not a bad person, Rey. You could never be.”

Rey snorted, cynically. “You really need to stop saying things like that.”

“Why?” Ben inquired, his voice vindicating the statement as if it were a direct insult. “Why is it so hard for you to believe me when I tell you these things?”

“My parents chose alcohol over me.” Rey spat, the bitter words rendering unsolicited tears to her eyes. “Poe chose Rose over me. Nobody has ever chosen just me, Ben. Do you have any idea how that feels? It’s hard not to think there’s something wrong with me.”

“Jesus Christ, is that what you really think?” Ben countered, unable to suppress the hint of anger in his tone however the soft look behind his eyes proved to say otherwise. That certain phrase was there, right at the tip of his tongue and nearly came to surpass his lips before Rey cut him off. “Rey, I –.”

“I’m sorry.” Rey cut in assertively, retrieving her hand from his to wipe away the dampness along her bottom lashes with a sniff. Her hand settled to select the paper straw within the glass of her Long Island, mindlessly stirring and causing the tiny cubes of ice to clink against the delicate interior. Could there ever be some sort of normalcy between them without feeling like the world was consistently crashing down? “And actually, I’m not mad at him anymore. I do forgive him – and my parents.”

Ben took a breath, placing a calming hand just above her knee. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Rey, especially to me,” he urged aggressively, giving her leg a tender squeeze. “You may think you’re nothing – but not to me, okay? Do you understand?”

Rey’s timid expression subsided. Considering the intensity behind his words and imploring gaze, she knew that Ben meant everything he said. Her head bobbed a nod, permitting her muscles to coax a half-smile from the corners of her lips.

“How do you do it?” She asked, voice softening, and bringing the hand that was creating a whirlpool in her drink to rest crosswise upon Ben’s soothing touch. “No matter how many times I screw something up, you always find a way to make it better.”

Ben smirked, acknowledging a moment in his thoughts with a grunt whilst reaching his free hand for the untouched glass of Blue Moon. “I think there’s room there for debate. You’re forgetting how we informally met,” he added, bringing the brim of the glass to his lips for a tasting sip.

Rey snickered at the reminder, issuing an accusatory finger to his direction. “Yeah, had it not been for you that would’ve been one hell of a great day. But, then again, if the other caterer wouldn’t have been gay I might’ve done the same thing.” 

Ben chuckled, showing off the subtle dimples on his cheeks. It was a feature that Rey failed to notice until now. How had she not noticed them before?

“No, you wouldn’t have,” he affirmed, returning the glass to its coaster with a grimace.

Rey scrunched her nose. “Yeah,” she replied, drawing in a sharp breath. “You’re probably right.”

The waiter returned with their food during the brief pause in conversation, forcing them to break their hands apart. Rey could tell just by looking at the folded pockets crammed full with beef, vegetables and spices that they were already winners in her book of favorite foods. The first bite proved her to be correct, eliciting an eye roll and gratuitous moan from her lips as she consumed a mouthwatering bit of empanada.

“Your father definitely wasn’t wrong,” she confirmed, talking from the pocket corner of her mouth that wasn’t full of food. “These are amazing.”

Ben grinned with pleasure, tending to his own meal. “He would’ve approved of you, then.”

The thought made her smile even more.

**

Waking up the next morning, Rey expected to be greeted with the divine comfort of having an extra body in bed with her. Instead of enjoying the warmth of curling into Ben’s side like she always did in the early hours, a disgruntled whimper broke through her lips, learning that she was alone when she was met with nothing but an empty spot with cold sheets. That was until Rey discovered the little folded-up piece of paper taking up residence on Ben’s pillow, purposely placed so that she would see it as soon as she’d awaken.

Relying on an elbow to push herself up on her side to view the large print written in black sharpie on the small sheet of line paper, Rey grinned wildly once the surpassing fatigue allowed her to compute what the note said.

**Getting breakfast and coffee :)**

God, Ben knew her all too well.

If there was one thing that Rey would willfully admit, it was that food and a lovely dose of caffeine at the early hour of 7:30 was surely enough to win her heart over for some time. She was surprised that Ben made the effort of waking up so early after coming home at such a late hour the night before. After being on the nature outing the entire day, leading directly to a night out on the town, she and Ben were more than content just enjoying the notion of settling into each other’s arms that night.

But food was definitely more than enough cause to get up extra early.

Realizing that she didn’t know when Ben left and could be returning at any moment with breakfast, Rey quickly dragged herself out of bed, throwing on her shabby grey hoodie in the process of opening the doors to her bedroom. That was when she realized that the front door to their living room was completely removed from its hinges and – in a lot worse shape than it had ever been. She ambled her way closer to inspect the badly misshapen door lying propped on its non-deformed side along the wall under where the coat rack was hanging.

What in the hell happened this morning?

“Hux got a little carried away with the planer earlier,” Finn affirmed with a snort from the kitchen window, startling Rey from contemplating what had happened to the poor inanimate object.

“What happened?” Rey asked, drawing the corner of her mouth into a smirk. In a few quick strides she crossed the distance over the living room to claim a seat at one of the window stools.

Finn shrugged, unbothered by the reason for Hux’s behavior. “Apparently he had a botched date with Phasma last night.”

Rey perked her brows, puckering her lips to form an acknowledging “O” shape. “What happened?”

Finn shrugged, again, remaining mute over the topic.

“He knows fucking damn well what happened last night!” Hux’s unyielding voice resounded upon entering through the front screen door, not even exerting a flinch as it slammed shut behind him.

“It’s not my fault that you had your phone lying out in plain sight!” Finn countered back, directing a finger at Hux.

“It. Was. My. Phone!” Hux barked back, heavily enunciating each word. “I should be able to set it down wherever the hell I feel like it!”

“Okay, what happened?” Rey spoke up hesitantly, clearly lost in the void of what happened the night before.

“He’s just mad because I sent him one harmless little text about his date with Phasma last night and she saw it,” Finn spoke up on his own behalf, leaning the back of his hips against the island counter with his arms crossed.

Hux glared daggers at Finn, but his words were intended for Rey to hear. “He fucking sent ‘good luck, maybe she’ll blow you tonight.’ “

Rey’s eyes widened at the admission. She immediately proceeded to cup a hand over her mouth, hiding the fact that she was fighting the horrible need to laugh over what their banter was about.

“Well, did she?” Finn goaded with a smirk.

Rey was more than certain that Hux would’ve attempted to commit cold-blooded murder if Finn’s phone hadn’t rang right then. Finn drew the phone from his back jeans pocket to regard the unforeseen caller displaying on his screen.

“Oh, shit! I forgot I was supposed to take Rose to get Bee-Bee’s blood work done this morning.”

“Oh?” Rey asked, surprise displaying over her face. She had to pivot around in her seat to follow Finn as he bee-lined it towards the front door. “I didn’t know she was going to pursue the money.”

“Yeah, we talked yesterday while we were at the creek. I’ll tell her you said ‘hey’!” Finn assured from over his shoulder.

“Please do!” Rey called after him.

“Fucker.” Hux snarled, taking on a hunched-over stance from the window opposite of her with a hand full of photos he had gathered from their nearby office desk.

Rey rolled her eyes, eliciting a sigh whilst swiveling in her seat to face him frontally. “I’m sure she’ll get over it, Hux, just give her some time. It really was a harmless text that she took too much to heart.”

“Yeah,” Hux remarked shortly, knitting his brows which seemed to gather a more prominent crease at the center after each photo. “Hey, do you have any pictures of Poe that I could use for the memorial?” He asked, looking troubled. “Either his face is shadowed in these or he’s looking away, nothing with a decent frontal head shot.”

Rey nodded assertively. “Yeah, I have an album in storage. I can get it today.”

“Thanks, that’d be awesome.” Hux declared, tossing the stack of photos onto the window’s wooden counter carelessly. His bothered face began to adopt a more inquisitive look. “By the way, why didn’t you just tell me yesterday that you were in love with someone else?”

Rey blinked, having to draw a breath from being caught off-guard. “What?”

“I saw Ben leaving your room this morning when he went to get breakfast. And I saw you two holding hands yesterday, coming back from – wherever it was that you were.”

Rey felt her mouth go dry as panic surged in her chest. “I’m not in love with him, Hux.”

Hux snorted, quirking a brow. “Really? What else would you call it, then?”

“I don’t know,” she quickly countered. “But it’s nothing – less than nothing, actually.”

Rey knew that the words were a lie the moment they escaped the confinements of her lips. There was a sullen bitterness coating them, signaling her that the ‘nothing’ she proclaimed their relationship to be was laying far at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Unfortunately, such spoken words often came with a price when accidental eavesdroppers were lingering nearby. With the screen door open to the home’s exterior, the words were undiluted beyond the interior’s confines, allowing Ben to hear every word that Rey just said as he had approached the door from his trip uptown.

Hands occupied with two venti cups of Starbucks and a couple small bags with muffins and breakfast sandwiches, he just stretched out a pinky to grasp the handle before the words struck him like a blunt dagger to the chest. He stood frozen, repeating the words over to make sure he had heard them correctly. However, the more he shuffled them on repeat, the more Ben began to realize he’d been living in a fantasy rather than bitter reality.

Nothing. Less than nothing. The despicable phrase was a direct converse to the expression he’d told Rey the night before. Now, she’d unknowingly hurled them back at him in form of the worst possible slight she could’ve made him feel. He’d been five steps ahead of Rey this whole time with her remaining cemented at the starting line, failing to give just an inch when he had been tirelessly trying to give her his all. It was the indirect slap to the face from Rey that he needed to realize he’d officially overstayed his time in Boulder.

Drawing in a shuddered breath, he tried to regain some sort of sensible composure to hide the fact that he’d heard what Rey never intended for him to hear. It was enough to make him ponder how much further he would’ve allowed the song and dance to continue between them had it not come down to this moment, regarding the constant hiding and sneaking around with Finn and Hux. Throwing on a mask of indifference to hide the storm of emotions churning inside, Ben forced himself to open the door and face whom he regretfully just wanted to be far away from at the moment.

Rey turned from Hux to cast a glance over her shoulder, acknowledging Ben with a slight smile that ceded to a look of confusion why he barely acknowledged her as he passed into the kitchen.

“Thanks for getting me something, ass wipe,” Hux remarked dryly at Ben.

Ben settled the bags onto the island counter in the kitchen, including the coffee that was Rey’s while he kept his own in hand.

“You can have mine,” Ben replied, turning to head back towards the porch whilst taking a sip of the bitter black coffee. It was enough to swallow the words he needed to suppress as he passed by Rey.

“You’re not hungry?” Rey tentatively asked Ben, scoffing.

Ben shrugged, seeming casual. “Just don’t have an appetite, I guess.”

Rey frowned at Ben’s listless tone. Had something happened while he’d been up town? Perhaps with his mother?

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Rey.” Ben reassured, turning his head enough for her to see his fake smile before disappearing back onto the porch.

An ominous feeling rose within her chest that she needed to go after him. But seeing as how Ben appeared to need some space at the moment, Rey made it a point to ask him later – not realizing she wouldn’t get to have that chance.

**

What was supposed to have been a quick rummage through boxes in storage for pictures, Rey somehow managed to turn it into another trial fitting of her wedding dress. But what was Rey to do when it was every girl’s dream to wear the dress of their dreams whilst walking down the aisle on their wedding day? It wasn’t that she never got to wear it for Poe, or see the look that every man gave the woman they were about to marry in such an extraordinary piece of attire – one that she remembered searching several wedding dress shops before finding ‘the one’.

The dress was an ivory strapless gown with several layers that ruffled from the bodice to the floor, topped off with a champagne-colored sash around her waist that tied into a bow over four buttons that secured it together. She had been so busy staring down at the fairytale-like dress, running her palms over the silk-like fabric in reminiscence of what she’d been robbed of, to notice the sound of a duffle bag being dropped to the cement flooring behind her.

Ben stood silently for a moment, shoving both hands inside the pockets of his jeans as he stared with a renowned tightness in his chest at the woman before him. The woman he so badly wished the love he’d come to have for her had been enough that the dress she was wearing would’ve been for him. The notion obviously would’ve been at a far-off later time, but still…

Ben cleared his throat, throwing all previous thoughts aside to grab Rey’s attention to tell her what he’d come there for.

Gasping, Rey immediately whirled around, giving off a doe-eyed stare with a prominent look of hot embarrassment flushing her cheeks.

“Ben! Oh, this is so embarrassing,” Rey admitted, laughing uneasy as she hugged her arms over her torso. “I just – I never got to wear it.” She explained, toeing the point of her converse into the cement. “It’s a girl thing, I guess.”

Ben swallowed heavily, nodding. “You look nice.”

Rey smiled graciously at him, her eyes descended to catch a glimpse of the black bag settled next to him on the ground. Blinking in disbelief of what she was seeing, Rey scoffed as her eyes returned to Ben’s for an explanation. “What are you doing?”

Ben shifted anxiously on his feet, “I’m leaving.”

Rey blinked again, feeling certain that her heart had stopped for a moment. “Why? What happened?”

“Nothing.” He assured, shrugging with indifference, tone eerily tranquil. “Less than nothing, right?”

The realization of his words struck Rey like an invisible blow to her diaphragm, rendering her breathless and at a momentary loss for words as she felt her airway constricting. Now that the truth had come out, she could see the difference in the Ben that was currently standing before her, compared to the Ben that she fell asleep with the night before. His eyes had grown dark, lifeless, far from the Ben Solo that she had come to know over the past month and care about. She could see it was nothing more than a mask, hiding how much her words had inadvertently affected him.

“Ben…,” she whispered grimly, feeling her shoulders slump forward to acknowledge the hollow mass that begun to ache in her chest.

“It’s okay,” Ben assured with a grating tone. “I actually have photo shoots and models to get back to, anyway.”

Rey knew that the words were meant to sting, striking her precisely where she had successfully managed to hit him. However Ben was an open book that could be easily read. As much as he tried to hide it, she could easily see how much it was hurting him by the subtle breaks in his voice.

“Ben,” she gulped, forcing back the warmth of tears, “I didn’t mean it.”

Ben snorted, “That’s the thing – I think you did. But it’s okay, really. A girl like you with a guy like me never did look good, did it?”

“That’s not true.” She immediately retorted for save; though she had no further explanation to give when Ben issued her a look to enlighten him.

How could she deny the truth behind his words, when she’d successfully dodged every opportunity to tell Finn and Hux that they had been together all this time? The shame that she was feeling inside now, was an entirely different sort of shame than she’d been feeling in regards to her roommates finding out about her relationship with Ben. All she could do was stare at him silently, pleading for him not to go in hopes that it would be enough. 

Ben took a breath, lowering his attention down to the duffel bag in waiting. His jaw flexed in reaction to keeping his composure under control, thwarting unwarranted tears that he didn’t want Rey to see – couldn’t let her see to prove his point. He leaned over to retrieve the bag with one hand remaining in a jean pocket, pausing at a sideways stance before leaving. “I’ll see you around.”

No longer able to fight back the tears, Rey drew a sharp breath whilst reaching a hand out to grab his arm, halting Ben mid-stride. “Please – please don’t go. Just wait.”

“Rey, what am I waiting for?” Ben sneered, making Rey quickly withdraw her hand. “For you to get out of that dress? That’s going to take awhile.”

Rey flinched at the severity behind his words, but – god damn it – he was right. He had every fucking right to be angry as she was begging for him to stay, and wearing a wedding dress meant for another man. Every alarm rang at the forefront of her thoughts to formally set aside her stubbornness and tell Ben that she loved him.

Yes, Rey loved him.

“Take care of yourself,” Ben affirmed softly, grimacing. “Okay?”

She couldn’t even bob her head to nod – or speak or do anything to acknowledge that she was processing what was happening. Three words. Three words were all that Rey needed to say as one last attempt to stop him. Instead, her heart sunk, shattering into a million pieces as she was forced to watch him go.


	14. Chapter 14

Time. What is the time?

“Oh shit,” Rey moaned in protest, seeing the numbers on her phone’s screen that reminded her that her meeting with Leia began ten minutes ago. Paying no mind to the various colors of dried oil paints smudged on the pads of her fingers, she quickly typed out a text message, hoping that Leia didn’t think Rey was scrapping their late morning coffee date.

> **– Rey 12:10 P.M. –**
> 
> _So sorry! Running late_
> 
> _Coffee at Starbucks still a go?_

Not more than a minute passed when Rey received a message back.

> **– Leia 12:11 P.M. –**
> 
> _Still a go, coffees are in hand_
> 
> _But I do believe my punctuality is rubbing off on you_

“Indeed,” Rey snorted, hurrying to the bathroom in the art shop’s stockroom to wash the paint smothering her brush and speckled over her hands.

How did she forget an outing that had become a weekly routine with Leia since –?

Well, the thought immediately died on the spot. Rey didn’t need to finish the question. She knew exactly why she’d chosen to forget that day in particular, and it was because of that day Rey was forced to face the fact that she might’ve been able to change the outcome if she hadn’t choked on her words. But with the damage already done, would it have mattered if she would’ve told Ben that she loved him? Would he have stayed here – with her – in Boulder if she had?

Because – fuck! She missed him like hell every single day.

What made the inner turmoil worse was the fact that Finn and Hux never seemed to care (or act surprised) after Rey finally admitted to having genuine feelings for Ben. So many questions in regards to ‘what if’ would creep their way into her thoughts from time to time. But since that day, these ritual brunch dates with Leia continuously played an impact on Rey’s journey to emotional recovery.

Throughout the course of a few months where summer gradually changed into winter, Rey had come to rediscover who she was and what she wanted to do with this new grasp on life. She had friends who she loved and adored. She had a passion for a hobby that she had virtually left abandoned for quite some time; which led to the next course of action of starting the painting she’d promised to Ben that afternoon of their rendezvous with nature.

And, above all else, Rey wanted to have a future with Ben – one that she hoped wouldn’t be too late to obtain after the painting for him was finished. 

Whenever that day was exactly, she wasn’t certain. Not yet, at least…

Pushing all negative aspects of the future aside, Rey firmly tapped the paintbrush over the sink’s edge before setting it aside to air dry for the afternoon. She killed the lights using the stockroom’s master switch, pulling on her navy-blue parka with a soot-colored, slouchy hat and satchel. For as long as she’d lived in Boulder, facing the cold was like being forced to climb the great summits of Mount Denali or Foraker at times.

Thankfully, the walk to Starbucks from her shop was close enough to endure the below-freezing temperature of Colorado’s brutal winter that year. As much as Rey despised the feeling of her nose running continuously, and her cheeks feeling like they’d been coated with liquid nitrogen the vicinity of her shop’s location on Pearl Street was peaceful. The fresh layer of snow carpeting the road’s brick paving was unscathed of any interaction from pedestrians, considering not many people rushed to walk an outdoor mall when it was expected to reach a high of -20 degrees Fahrenheit that day.

For what felt like a solid 10 minutes after closing the shop, the sound of her boots scuffing over the brick pavement from dragging her soles along in quick strides was all Rey could hear while walking the few blocks to the café. Having the faux fur-lining of her parka’s hood pulled over her beanie with hands fisted deep inside its pockets, all she could focus on was not freezing into statue form before reaching the proverbial song of society coming from the isle of restaurants and cafes straight ahead.

Rey heaved a sigh upon reaching Starbucks’ interior, acknowledging the relief of her cheeks no longer feeling like they were engulfed in flames even though they were a blazing shade of red no thanks to the cold. The bittersweet blend of coffee and lattes mixed with tea and pastries filled her nose, breathing in the compelling aroma with a deep sniff.

She saw Leia occupying one of the over-stuffed chairs next to a window, nose buried in the most recent copy of Time magazine, as always. For once, Rey was content not sitting out on the café’s patio even though it was heated.

“I’m so sorry!” Rey apologized, offering Leia a sheepish look as she shrugged the parka from her shoulders. “Time got away from me this morning.”

Leia looked up through the rims of her glasses, aiming her attention to Rey instead of the unforeseen article she’d be caught up in. “Quite alright, my dear,” Leia said, smiling. She closed the magazine, tossing it haphazardly onto the egg-shaped table’s top.

“I got you gingerbread this time if that’s okay?"

Rey sighed, already able to taste the hot liquid content in the venti cup that Leia had placed on the table in front of the other overstuffed chair across from hers. “That’s perfect,” she replied, parking herself into the designated seat with a heavy slump. “Thank you.”

Leia hummed, nodding to her appreciation. “Busy morning?” She asked, bringing the cup of chai to her lips for a sip that had been abandoned for a short time on the table while reading.

“Not really,” Rey admitted, scrunching her nose. “But painting helps slow mornings like today go faster, at least.”

“Of course, it would,” Leia affirmed, resting an elbow on her knee with the cup in hand. “Working on your project again?” Rey nodded, prompting a knowing smile from Leia. “How’s it coming along?”

Rey scoffed, the blatant expression of a grimace smearing her face whilst taking a sip from her latte before answering. “It’s a work in progress – challenging, even. I’m afraid I spend more time fretting over every little thing than I do getting anything accomplished on it,” she admitted, snorting wryly.

“I’m sure it’ll turn out beautifully, Rey,” Leia reassured, cocking her head. “Your painting has always been exquisite based on what I’ve been able to see of it.”

Rey smiled appreciatively, taking a breath. “Thank you. This is just – I don’t know,” she sighed. “I just want it to be perfect, you know? It has to be.”

Leia considered her for a moment, giving Rey a long look. “It will be. I’m sure of that,” she promised. “Have you set a date for the big day, yet?”

Rey worried her bottom lip, face appearing troubled. “Not yet,” she replied tentatively. “I’m afraid it would add more pressure than I already have if I were to make anything concrete at the moment.” She swallowed heavily, frowning at the queasiness settling in her gut. “What if there’s already someone else?”

Leia pressed her lips, arching a brow. “Rey, would I continue to encourage you through this if it was all for nothing?”

Rey shook her head, trying push aside the unwarranted thoughts. She knew Leia would never intentionally lead her on, thinking that Rey was getting her hopes up for nothing. But still, she was only human and the thoughts liked to pop in periodically out of momentary doubt. “No, I suppose not. Have you talked to him recently?”

Leia nodded, being her temporary reply while she took a sip of chai. “Yes, I did. It was only brief the other day.”

Rey nodded, looking down at the cup her hands were cradling for warmth. “How is he?” She asked, concern etching through the crease between her brows.

Leia smiled, reassuring her worry. “He’s doing alright. But Rey,” she continued through a sigh, “have you considered talking to him yourself?”

Rey nodded, again. She pressed her lips together, wetting them with her tongue whilst scrutinizing the title of the magazine Leia had been reading when she arrived. She had lost count of how many times she’d let her thumb hover over the ‘send’ button: before and after deleting other numerous text messages that had been left unsent after sneaking Ben’s number from Hux’s phone.

“The thought has come up a few times, yes,” Rey admitted, frowning. “I think this is something that I have to do in person.”

“I understand,” Leia agreed. “You’ve been doing very well for yourself, Rey. And I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come. You look good. You look happier.”

Rey offered a lighthearted smile, nodding. “I spent so long trying not to be happy. It just felt – wrong?” She admitted, sighing. “And in return, I hurt him.”

“You can’t blame this all on you,” Leia stated, “and for that you’re going to have to decide when you’re willing to forgive yourself. Otherwise, it’ll just keep eating at you and you won’t ever be happy. But I remember telling Ben when he first mentioned that he was staying with you guys that he needed to be careful.”

Rey blinked, scoffing. “Why? Did he say something back then?”

“No,” Leia countered, shrugging slightly. “His face said it all. That son of mine has always been one that wears his heart on his sleeve.”

“But I should’ve told him, Leia,” Rey affirmed, her voice solemn. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I hurt him so much. He didn’t deserve it.”

“Rey,” Leia started, giving her a firm look. “You lost Poe, found out that he had a kid with someone else and was hiding money from you. That was far from being the right time to fall in love with someone – let alone admit it to anyone else. You were never given that time to properly grieve. Ben should’ve known better – you both should have.”

Rey drew in a breath, sighing as she nodded. She felt like she was always nodding, considering this had to be the umpteenth time Leia had to comfort Rey of the situation that continuously haunted her thoughts. Only this time Rey knew Leia was right. It was just a matter of how and when Rey would be able to make it right.

“Anyways,” Leia started, breaking the moment of silence, “are you working the rest of the afternoon?”

Rey moaned an indiscernible ‘no’ after bringing the cup of caffeine to her lips, feeling grateful for the sudden change in topic. “No,” she confirmed shortly. “I promised Rose that I would go with her to the meeting with Maz today. She’s supposed to find out the results from Bee-Bee’s paternity test.”

“Oh! Well, I do hope it goes well for her. I haven’t met Rose personally, but considering what I’ve heard from you and Finn she seems like a very sweet person.”

“She is,” Rey agreed, snorting. “It is ironic though, isn’t it? To have Rose as a friend, I mean.”

Leia considered her, smiling knowingly. “There’s always a reason for everything, Rey. We may never know the full truth why some people come into our lives, but they always do for reasons that we need.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, thinking back to the first brunch outing with Leia shortly after Poe’s death. “Do you remember the first bit of advice that you gave me when I asked you about moving on?”

Leia’s cocked her head, “Just a little bit. Why do you ask?”

Rey pondered for a moment, lips slightly agape when a smile tugged their corners up. “You told me that moving on was a matter of carrying a part of the person you loved and lost into the next chapter of your life,” she explained. “I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. Ben was our common denominator, so to speak. Poe could always be himself when he was with Ben – and so could I.”

**

Now was the time in Rey’s life where she should’ve been used to being put into awkward situations. However nothing could’ve rendered in comparison to sitting in Maz’s tiny consultation room, which seemed smaller in square footage when she was forced to sit between Shara and Rose. Rey kept her back straight against the office chair’s padded backing, holding her breath in hopes that she could feel somewhat invisible and not provoke Shara.

The last time Rey had spoken to Shara was the day when the ex ‘would have been mother-in-law’ asked for the engagement ring back. The only way she knew about Shara making an appearance was due to Maz informing Rose of Shara’s request to meet at the office for the revelation, regarding Bee-Bee’s DNA test results.

Rey and Rose sighed simultaneously, feeling relieved when Maz finally decided to make her appearance and break the prolonged silence. Rey was certain she might’ve heard the sound of a mouse squeak behind the drywall at some point before then.

Maz greeted them immediately, wearing the same warm and friendly face Rey remembered from having the woman assist with Poe’s finances. Then, Maz’s face immediately grew serious, eyes flickering between Rose and Shara.

“Ladies,” Maz started in a voice that sounded too ominous for comfort, “the child is not his.”

Rey blinked, feeling certain that there had been somewhat of a ripple effect as she saw Rose cup a hand over her mouth from her peripheral.

“Excuse me?” Rose asked in disbelief.

Maz looked to Rose, shrugging. “I’m afraid the DNA wasn’t a match, Miss Tico. There is no possible way that Mr. Dameron could’ve fathered the child.”

Shara never hesitated to second guess the results, casting a sidewise glance to Rose before rising from her seat. “Thank you, Maz,” she affirmed, nodding curtly before leaving without expressing another word. Oddly enough, if Rey hadn’t been so taken aback by the surprise disclosure she would’ve noticed the hint of disappointment in Shara’s voice.

Rey took a breath, allowing Maz’s words to sink that left her emotions staggering between shock and – not relief. If this information had been before the time Rey began drawing close to Rose as a friend, or falling for Ben in between, she might’ve felt reprieved to hear that her fiancé no longer held a child to his name. Instead, Rey was essentially heartbroken for the woman sitting in stone-cold silence next to her.

“Do you ladies have any questions?” Maz asked, arching her brows to both.

Rose slowly shook her head, being the first time that she showed any sign of life since the information came out. “No,” she affirmed softly, swallowing thickly.

Maz nodded, giving Rey and Rose a kind smile. “Take your time ladies,” the woman encouraged. “You can show yourselves out when you’re ready.”

Rey nodded, acknowledging Maz with a weak smile before looking to Rose, empathy lying heavily behind her eyes.

Rose drew in a shuddered breath, eyes fixed on the empty space where Maz had been standing earlier. “There’s no way,” she uttered slowly, stunned. Her brows creased to the center of her forehead, blinking rapidly. “There was only Poe.”

Rey frowned, pressing her lips. “Rose,” she addressed calmly, “are you sure?”

Rose remained silent for a long moment. Then, a look of realization spread across her features, replacing the once solemn look as she turned to Rey. “No,” she admitted, frowning. “There was Cassian. We met a week after Poe had left. He was really nice and I didn’t think that Poe would come back.”

Rey nodded, reassuring Rose that she understood before insisting that they leave. Rose remained silent, nearly the entire ride home from Maz’s before exerting any signs of emotion beyond the initial look of shock. Rey could hear the sorrow in Rose’s voice without having to peel her attention from beyond the window above her Suburban’s dashboard.

“Rey,” Rose started, apprehensive. “I am – so, so sorry for everything.”

Rey took a breath, casting a quick look to her friend. “Please, don’t be sorry. I think it’s safe to say that we’re all guilty of holding our own fair share of mistakes through this mess.”

Rose looked at Rey, rubbing a palm over her eyes to dry the condensation pooling at the bottoms of them. “No, it’s not okay,” she admitted assertively, sniffing. “You could’ve gone on loving and missing him without having to worry about this bullshit that I brought into your life.”

Rey shook her head, grimacing. “Him?” She asked, heavily enunciating the word. “Rose, I never knew who ‘he’ was for the entire six years that we dated. I was going to marry a stranger.”

Rose scoffed, turning her head to study her hands fumbling together in her lap. “Because of me.”

“That’s not entirely true,” Rey admitted. “This could’ve been handled a lot earlier at one point.”

Rose diverted her attention back to Rey, arching a brow quizzically. “How so?”

Rey swallowed heavily, giving the windshield a pained look whilst recalling a memory: one that had been precisely four years ago. “Poe and I were coming home from dinner one night,” she explained, snorting through tears she had no idea how they came to appear. “And he turned to me and said that he had something to tell me. I asked him if it would make me happy – or sad. He said the latter. So, I told him please – don’t tell me.”

Rose blinked, again. “Why didn’t you let him tell you?”

Rey shrugged, sniffing. “I was naïve to believe that if he didn’t tell me, everything would be okay. But I was only forcing myself to live in a bubble. I never thought it would eventually come down to all of this.”

Rose pressed her lips, rolling them in thought. “Rey,” she began cautiously, “if Poe would’ve been alive today – and you knew what you know right now – would you have still held back with Ben?”

Rey didn’t need to think over the answer, she already knew. “No, I probably would’ve fallen for him harder.”


	15. Chapter 15

T-shirts and tank tops: check.

Jeans and shorts: check.

Underwear, bras, and socks: check, check, check!

Wait, what about hoodies? Should I bring more shorts than jeans – maybe sweats? Fuck! How hot is California in the summer, anyway?

Rey heaved a sigh, admiring the various styles of clothing and accessories that should’ve been neatly folded and nestled inside the suitcase. Instead, it looked like her closet had managed to vomit out every article of clothing she owned onto her bed.

What if she wasn’t bringing enough? What if she was bringing too much? What if Ben lived in some rinky-dink single bedroom apartment that couldn’t accommodate the fact she was showing up out of the blue with more shit than needed? Or maybe she should just do the ‘normal’ thing and call him, like any other person would’ve done after not seeing or hearing from the one they loved for a year.

Yes, one year. Rey had spent twelve long, excruciating months working to pull the pieces of her heart back together. For extra motivational purposes she kept the Polaroid picture taken with Ben during their first impromptu visit to Boulder Creek pinned above the canvas of her easel. During those months of healing she managed to finish Ben’s painting as well as the commemorative piece she’d promised to Hux and Finn for Poe’s memorial, specifically one that depicted their favorite fly fishing spot at the creek.

Speaking of...

Among the endless number of speeches Rey composed inside her head after considering the numerous possibilities that the reunion with Ben could turn out, she also constructed a eulogy to address before a largely anticipated number of guests that were expected to attend the service held in Poe’s memory later that morning.

It suddenly felt like she was facing every fear she’d come to possess in a single day rather than handling them over separate occasions: one being the phobia of speaking in front of large crowds, and the other not knowing what to expect while facing the unexpected. This was, of course, coming from a girl whom ironically traveled across the Atlantic alone, to a country that was completely foreign to her in essence.

“How’s the packing coming along?” Finn asked, announcing his presence upon entering through the open doors to her room.

“Great, actually,” Rey snorted, giving Finn a look that easily contradicted her words. “Then, again,” she frowned, drawing her bottom lip with an incisor as she looked to the empty luggage on her bed, “not so much.”

Finn craned his neck, sneaking a peak at the inside of her suitcase from where he came to stand at the corner foot of her bed. Aside from the 16”x20” canvas covered with a plain twin-sized sheet propped against the luggage’s outer side, it was pretty much empty. No, it was empty. “I’d say,” he admitted, agreeing with a little shrug. “But he just might like you wearing nothing but the sheet.”

“Finn!” She exclaimed, mouth drawn agape with lips curled at the corners. “You’re not helping matters any!”

“I am helping!” Finn countered, wriggling his brows suggestively at her while folding his arms over his chest. “All I’m saying is that he hasn’t seen you in, what – over a year? I’ve known Solo for my whole life pretty much and I’m telling you now, whatever you’re considering to pack more than likely won’t matter much.”

Rey quickly felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment, her sun-kissed skin adopting a lighter shade of pink. “Well, at least I’m glad one of us is feeling certain that it’ll go well,” she confessed, chest heaving with a shuddered sigh.

Finn smirked at the thought, “It is weird though – you and Solo. I never thought I’d see the day where I would get to use your names happily together in the same sentence.”

Rey stole a timid glance in his direction, smiling wistfully. “How can you be so sure that things will go that way?” She asked, drawing her arms from hanging casually to hug her torso. Suddenly, she couldn’t help but feel uncertain about the spontaneous full day’s drive to Malibu. “It’s been a year, Finn. What if there’s someone else and this has all been for nothing?”

“Because you and I both know that it’s nothing more than some bullshit, cop-out excuse,” Finn retorted, issuing her a knowing look. “I’m positive that this isn’t gonna go the way you think, and I’ll be damned if I have to listen to you pine about not going for the rest of your life.”

Her shoulders shook with a lighthearted chuckle, feeling somewhat more confident. “Okay,” Rey sighed. She swallowed heavily, prior to arching an accusatory brow at Finn. “But now, why do I get the feeling that you’re just trying to get rid of me since Rose is suppose to move in today and you just want the house to yourselves?”

Finn shrugged, his expression conveying only a bit of slight remorse, “Would you be offended if I said yes?”

Rey giggled at Finn’s admission, displaying a toothy grin as she shook her head. It would’ve been ignorant to say that Rey hadn’t been the least bit surprised when Finn confessed to asking Rose if she would move in with him, shortly after Hux’s decision the month before to obtain his own apartment at the opposite side of town.

It made sense, considering the pair had become virtually inseparable since Rose’s initial arrival, and she showed no signs of returning to Encino after the shocking DNA results with Bee-Bee. Seeing them together, acting as a family of sorts, enhanced the fiery need to get to Ben. She missed him terribly and found herself hoping, time-after-time, that she wasn’t too late.

“No,” Rey admitted, worrying her bottom lip. “I’m happy for you, Finn – truly. I just wish that I had been brave enough to show my happiness with Ben when he was here the way you did with Rose.”

Finn nodded, considering her briefly. “Just look at it in this perspective, Rey, you’re getting a whole new shot at making things right. You’re in a much better place right now than you were last year at this time, and you’re finally ready to move on.” He proceeded to add with a casual shrug and sidewise smirk, “Even if it is with Ben.”

Rey snorted and nodded, exerting a thoughtful look to Finn as she inhaled a breath. “Thank you,” she replied, smiling, “for everything.”

Finn returned the gesture as he moved to draw her in for a hug, arms tenderly squeezing her shoulders. They stayed that way for a moment, for a minute or two perhaps, before pulling away in sync. 

“Now, get your shit packed,” Finn teased, patting the back of her shoulder. “I’m pretty sure Hux will blow a gasket if we’re late.”

Rey rolled her eyes, agreeing. “Just tell me one thing: shorts or jeans?”

Finn narrowed his eyes, gaze fixed on the mess strewn over her bed’s coverlet. “I still stand firm with the belief that you shouldn’t worry about wearing anything,” he insisted with a sober expression. He flinched and laughed when Rey jokingly whacked his bicep with her palm. “Okay, fine, shorts.”

**

The gathering for the memorial turned out to be quite impressive. Rey was uncertain as to the number of people in attendance other than there were many, many pairs of eyeballs staring back at her when she took to the podium in front of the commemorative display.

There were some friendly faces that she recognized as her eyes scanned over the crowd. Like the pair of elderly gentlemen who always wore plaid shirts and waders when they came to purchase their container of worms every Wednesday and Thursday mornings to fish at the creek. There were also those few patrons who Rey recalled having to pry Poe away from after talking for what felt like hours when they had plans for that evening. It was enough to make her realize that not all who knew Poe had been affected by his poor decisions in life, but they were those whose lives he had undeniably touched by a mutual passion.

Among the other many faces that Rey recognized in addition to Rose, Hux and Finn was Leia and, naturally, Rey’s would have been mother-in-law, Shara.

Rey took a breath, deciding to forego the note cards that she’d spent hours and days writing out what she wanted to say to the large group and simply went with what she knew best: that was to tell them all the great things that she knew about the man that was once her fiancé.

Of course, she didn’t tell them everything, like how life that followed Poe’s passing had been nothing but a series of surprise twists and turns that led to her discovery of who he truly was. In return, it took Rey down her own path of self-discovery, also.

But that wasn’t the sort of stuff that they wanted to hear. They wanted to know that he was great, but, also, had his moments of being not so great. They wanted to know that she missed him, and not while she had been missing him she’d fallen in love with someone else. The nonsense with Bee-Bee, Rose – Ben, even – she left all that out and kept it simple.

Instead, Rey told them that she loved him and that Poe loved her. It was the truth, and one that she found appropriate enough to end the speech after realizing she’d been up there for quite some time.

The precession that followed the tribute felt like a rehash of the afternoon spent at Kes and Shara’s house after Poe’s funeral, regarding the events precisely one year ago to the very day that drove Rey to hiding out in the Dameron’s bathroom. It was a constant wave of hugs, handshaking and people sharing brief moments of their history with Poe; which Rey graciously accepted and listened to with a willing ear.

However, it was easier, this time, to talk about Poe in terms of the past as Rey revealed the occasional short story or two of her own whilst remaining mindful of the time. It was just a little over 17 hours to drive from Boulder to Malibu, and Rey certainly didn’t want to waste more time than what she already had to, concerning the necessary stops she’d be making along the way.

Towards the end, Rey noticed Shara approaching her. Having not spoken to the woman in over six months since Rose’s meeting with Maz, Rey wasn’t entirely sure what she could possibly expect for the woman to want at this point.

Then again – what was one more thing to add onto the ongoing list of fears for the day?

“Shara,” Rey murmured, nodding to the woman as she approached. Her fingers intuitively found their way from her sides to fiddle with the sash loosely hanging on the front of her sage-colored shorts, idly digging the toe of her sandal into the brick paving as she shifted her weight.

“Hello, Rey,” Shara replied, returning the greeting in a respectable manner. Her chin dropped as her eyes focused on the fairly fresh coat of paint covering her thumbnails, appearing to be just as ill at ease as Rey over the awkward confrontation. “I know that we haven’t always been on the best of terms,” Shara began apprehensively, “but I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the effort that you put into making this day extra special for my son.”

Rey was taken aback by Shara’s words. Having known her for several years now, never had there ever been a moment in their history where she could recall Shara giving her any sort of compliment – or thanking her for that matter. Perhaps, Rey hadn’t been the only one soul searching up until this point.

“Of course,” Rey muttered softly, gathering her brows at the center. “I really did love him, Shara. And despite everything that has come to pass since then, that much hasn’t changed.”

“I know you did,” Shara affirmed. “And I’m sorry for the unnecessary hurt that I might’ve caused you on top of it.”

Rey nodded, her bottom lip worried between her teeth. 

“And as for the ring,” Shara added, drawing in a shuddered breath that made the glossiness coating her eyes more prominent that she was struggling to hold back the unshed tears. “I never wanted it, not really. All I wanted was my son back.”

Rey nodded, again. “I think that we can both relate to one another more than you think,” she affirmed empathetically. “But it’s never too late to start over with the right footing, right?”

Shara nodded, agreeing as her solemn features took on a much lighter appearance, beginning with the smile that showed off the prominent crow’s feet at the corners of her dark eyes.

“Rey!” Rose cried out, not realizing that she’d accidently butted in on the almost mother and daughter-in-law’s tender moment. “Oh, Shara,” she stammered, realizing what she’d inadvertently done, “I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t interrupt anyth–.”

“Actually, Rose,” Shara interrupted, pivoting her attention to the newcomer who now stood next to Rey, “I was hoping that you were still in town.”

Rose blinked, her face exerting a look of thunderstruck equal to Rey’s. “Of course, um – can, can I ask why?”

Without a word, Shara reached inside the sizeable Dooney and Bourke bag hanging from her arm, presenting a plain white envelope to Rose. “I believe this is yours,” she stated candidly, arm slightly stretched out. “I can’t begin to understand why my son insisted that he put so much money back without a proper blood test, but it’s not my place to keep this from you.”

Rose gasped, having blinked several times over the few seconds it took to cup her hands over her nose and mouth, pupils blown to the shape of harvest moons. “Shara,” she muttered, “wait – what? Are you sure?”

Shara nodded curtly, remaining firm within her stance. “Regardless of the legal results, it is not up to me to determine the use of his money. It’s yours.”

Rose looked to Rey for reassurance; both women appeared to be as equally stunned by Shara’s unexpected offer though it was Rey that encouraged Rose to take it. After taking a few moments to allow the reality of the situation to sink in, Rose finally accepted the envelope from Shara’s surprisingly loose grip.

Rey was certain that Rose hadn’t thanked the woman enough for handing over such a handsomely large sum of money so easily, but it made her begin to believe that if something so bleak could make a complete turnaround for Rose – then, maybe, things between her and Ben would turn out just the same.

“Well,” Rey sighed, eyeing Rose expectantly after Shara bid them farewell and left, “now what?”

Rose worried the paper between her fingers, thinking hard about the response. A few moments lingered within the time gap that divided Rey’s question from Rose’s answer. A prominent look of awestruck budded across her face when she eventually came to the conclusion. “This is Bee-Bee’s money. I’ll let him decide when he’s old enough,” Rose confirmed, allotting a perceptive look in Rey’s direction. “Now, it’s about time that you go get your happy ending.”

**

One would’ve thought that driving over 1,000 miles to be enough time for Rey to calm the nervous jitters in her stomach, but watching the travel marker on the screen of her GPS signify that she was getting closer to her destination only made the anxiety raging inside of her worse.

For the most part, she tried to keep her focus settled on the scenery, watching the evergreens morph into palm trees and the mid-rise buildings grow into skyscrapers. It helped a little, but only until the sound of a woman’s impassive, computerized voice pulled her away from sight-seeing.

Arriving at destination, the voice stated as the Suburban approached the boulevard with both sides of the street lined with townhouses. However, those residing in the homes to the right were set apart from the rest of the neighborhood as they were blessed to have the beach as their backyard.

Rey considered the notion of making a few extra trips around the block in case she wasn’t ready. But even that plan rapidly backfired as the power steering seemed to be set on autopilot, compelling her to pull along the curb and park in front of the house that was Ben’s.

It was – definitely not a rickety old apartment by any means. From what Rey could to see from her sideline view on the street, his home was absolutely beautiful, and one of those sanctified to have a complete view of the ocean.

Of course it would be, she thought. She expected nothing less from a photographer who took more pleasure strolling through Boulder’s nature trails than down any of the city’s sidewalks.

The heavy aroma of sea salt blended with the humidity of California’s summer was the first to greet her as Rey exited the Suburban’s driver-side door. The gentle breeze catching the tiny wisps of hair hanging loose from her messy bun allowed her to hear the sound of waves colliding against their watery surface from beyond the barrier of houses.

She drew in a steady breath, reciting the numbers one through ten before encouraging her feet to move onto the sidewalk, paying no mind to the jingling of car keys clanging together as she fumbled with them nervously in one hand.

There was a white cement barrier, dividing the sidewalk from the residential front yards, roughly as high as her elbows with a matching wooden gate that served as the entrance to stone-paved steps, leading the way to Ben’s front door. Ornamental shrubs lined the opposite side of the wall and front patio area, where Rey could see the living room through dual side-by-side French doors. The rest of the house was two more stories tall with each brandishing their own set of patio doors that matched the bottom floor with a balcony, and two powder-coated steel chairs lined with teal-colored seat pads. Rey could easily picture herself occupying one of the verandas with Ben in the early morning to late hours with coffee or paints.

At least, that’s what she hoped would happen.

Damn it, Adams! Enough with the negative thoughts, Rey chided, gritting her teeth as she ascended the final set of stairs. Her heart pounded brutally against her chest, its thunderous beats easily deafened the sound of waves when she saw that the front door was open past the screen door.

I can do this. I can do this, she reassured in her thoughts. Closing her eyes, Rey recited the same numerical digits (forward and back) with a heavy swallow before urging her fist up to issue a few solid knocks on the door’s wooden framework. The moments grew further in between as the knock was left unanswered. She couldn’t see Ben anywhere when her eyes narrowed to peer through the thick screen. Worrying her bottom lip, she repeated the process again, begrudgingly meeting the same results as before.

“Hello?” She called tentatively, frowning as she craned her neck to the round-about stairwell that promptly greeted visitors upon entering the foyer.

Silence was all she heard with no sign of Ben anywhere. In return, it led to the desperation that encouraged Rey to invite herself in, cautiously taking in her surroundings whilst making the first step over the threshold.

The overall ambiance beyond the shabby décor’s white walls was light and airy with rustic wooden floors traveling from the main sitting room to the right, and through the narrow hallway straight ahead of her to the back of the house. A built-in shelving unit served as a miniature library of books to the left of the corridor along with a complimentary nook that Ben had made into an office space.

Looking to the little alcove as she wandered down the hall, Rey immediately took notice of the dozens of Polaroid shots and digital images scattered over a laptop and counter. Her eyes formally settled upon the image she remembered Ben took of her, striking a pose during their group outing to Boulder Creek just before the day he left.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips when she paused to skim over the photographs he’d taken of the group, eyes lingering longer on the one of her that Ben purposely kept separated from the rest. She couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d kept the image that way. The thought rendered a warm sort of fuzziness around her heart that Ben hadn’t forgotten about her after all the months they’d been apart.

Her pulse quickened as Rey pressed further into the exploration towards the back of the house, following the familiar sounds of waves crashing against the other with the occasional cries from a group of passing seagulls overhead – and a few random squeaky toys of various sorts lying scattered over the floor. The trail wound up pointing to a pair of French doors, one propped slightly agape that led out onto a wooden deck, overlooking the striking scenery Zuma Beach had to offer.

The view was exquisite, like a picture she’d seen on a post card during a quick stop at a gas station on the way. Rey couldn’t have been certain as to how long she’d spent gawking at California’s late afternoon sun hovering over the watery horizon, though it wasn’t until she heard the sound of a dog barking when her eyes lowered to see precisely who she’d been looking for.

Ben.

Seeing his unmistakable broad form, wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts with a charcoal-colored Henley tee, had been enough to summon a violent surge of emotions she didn’t realize she’d been harboring within. At some point after discarding her flip-flops across a wooden plank on the patio, allowing her feet to sink into the sand, she must’ve called out his name.

Ben paused, arm drawn back to cast the ball in his grasp into an overhead throw for the canine waiting anxiously a yard or so at the opposite end. The roaring sound of the ocean wasn’t nearly as loud as the thoughts raging, like a violent hurricane in all its glory as he watched her approach in disbelief.

Rey was here, now, standing in front of him like she’d just come back from a grocery trip uptown. Ben was completely frozen, gazing at her intently with eyes bulged beyond their sockets, fearing if he’d blink that she would disappear like the mirage he perceived her to be. It wasn’t until she began to speak after a long moment’s pause of staring expectantly at the other, when he realized that she wasn’t a pigmentation of his imagination.

“I – uh,” Rey paused, eyes fixed on his while every speech she’d come prepared with suddenly escaped her thoughts. Now, all she could do was laugh nervously, like an insipid little school girl with pigtails and large nerdy frames as her trembling fingers toyed with the bottom hem of her t-shirt. “Shit, you know, I really should’ve called. You could be heading out soon or – God forbid if you’re seeing someone!”

The words continued to spew from her lips, remaining oblivious of the fact that while she was busy rambling Ben’s stunned features adopted a more amused expression. Acknowledging the fact that his canine companion was still patiently waiting, he gave the ball he’d been holding a lazy toss prior to taking the final step that closed the remaining distance between him and Rey. Before Rey had the chance to finish the last little bit of her rambling, the words were immediately lost as Ben cupped her face without warning, holding her steadfast in his hands to roughly seize her lips with his.

The world around them seemed to pause as the air was sucked dry from her lungs, rendering her momentary unresponsive to the kiss before Rey was able to breathe a sigh against his lips. His hands gravitated to her waist as she wound her arms around his neck. His fingers harshly kneaded the soft curves of her hips, pulling her flush against his as Rey felt encouraged to rise slightly up on her toes.

The kiss grew deeper and longer as Ben wound his arms around her hips. His hands roamed aimlessly over her back, caressing her sides and ending below her ribs before pulling away. The exertion left them gasping for air, a breath that Ben needed in order to speak, “What took you so long?"


End file.
